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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He punched me in the face, I dialled 999

245 replies

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 22:57

He suddenly went into his mood and flipped. I went upstairs with the children. He followed me up after 5mins even though he just said he wants to be left alone. I told him to go downstairs he refused and told me to fuck off. I told him I've had enough of everything, I had enough of his bullshit treatment towards me, he kept saying stfu, or I'll punch you in the mouth. I just snapped and said you dare and I'll call the police. He kept saying stfu as I was speaking then smacked/punched my mouth.i began crying and dialled 999, I could hear the lady saying hello but I never spoke. She could hear me crying. I cut the call. I never thought I'd call them CZ I've just been too afraid of aftermath. Its been happening for 6 years, I've put up with his crap and something just made me dial 999, physically and mentally I'm shitting down I cant take the crap

What will happen next ? got 3 private calls since i dialling it. But havnt picked up

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 09/09/2023 02:12

@OkTrinny

I'm in the US so can't tell you what will happen if you call the police. But I will tell you that if he punched you in the face and you have any injuries of any kind, even including any skin redness, please please take pictures of your injuries. Also if you can type and send yourself an email with the time and date of the event and attach the pictures. The email will also be dated to show the police when you sent it. It can help substantiate your allegations if you call the police tomorrow or if there is another incident.

And I hate to say this, but there will be another incident. Once a man has gotten away with physically abusing a woman, they never stop. And they often escalate.

I know you're afraid. I know it's hard. But it's the only way to get yourself and your DC out of that life. And into a new and better one.

elfies · 09/09/2023 02:24

He's Punching you now, next it might be the kids .
Are you willing to take that chance ?

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2023 02:25

5 years ago this month (thought it was next month until I found the police paperwork) I was you.

I was scared to stay but too terrified to leave. Thankfully, the police didnt give me a choice. He was removed and social services said that if Ihad him back then there was a very good chance I would lose the kids.

I remember so well the fear, the tears, the desperate need for information that no one seemed able to give me. I had half a pack of fags left in the house from when I had quit and I smoked them all in about an hour!

It was the best and the worst day of my life. The best because it was the day I finally broke free. The worst because it made me face something I was scared of facing and caused pain I just didnt know how to handle.

5 years later.......happy and safe.

Call them back. Your future self will thank you for it xxxx

Flopsythebunny · 09/09/2023 02:35

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:22

I cant do it I just cannot say it, the future scares me so much

And the thought of your children growing up in an abusive household doesn't?
He's been violent towards you tonight. How long before he does it to one of the children when they do something to annoy him?

CBAanymoreTBH · 09/09/2023 02:59

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:21

I feel sick with dread, about opening up a can of worms that I've kept hidden for years

Ok but you got punched in the face. Just concentrate on that alone. Report it. Small steps. Don't ignore it.

CBAanymoreTBH · 09/09/2023 03:00

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:22

I cant do it I just cannot say it, the future scares me so much

Don't overtaking. Just do it. I've been there.

Nat6999 · 09/09/2023 03:16

If you can't ring yourself, have you got a friend or neighbour you could text to ask them to call for you?

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 05:10

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canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 05:15

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canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 05:21

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BCBird · 09/09/2023 05:22

Hi OP. Please think about yourself and the life you want you a d your children to.have. I know someone who loved in a household where her dad was mentally and physically abusive. This was something I could not comprehend. She told me that when she went to a friend 's house and saw the way her dad was she was confused because she thought all dads were violent. This is heart wrenching. You are worried and scared about the uncertain future, which I understand. The certainty is if you do not get away the present and the future is and will be unbearable. Hand hold OP

MariaVT65 · 09/09/2023 05:28

Hi OP, please let us know how you are in the morning.

Please do contact that police again, for the sake of protecting your children.

Are you able to take your children to the police station today instead of calling?

Kinneddar · 09/09/2023 05:40

One poster seems adamant the OP was making things up. But even if that was the case there's so much good advice on here, Police procedures with 999 calls & attending domestic incidents & anecdotal posts from people who have been there & got out, hopefully even if it doesn't help the OP it may just help other people in that situation

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 05:47

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canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 05:48

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canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 05:55

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canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 05:58

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Redglitter · 09/09/2023 06:01

@canyoufeedthedog Give it a break

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 06:02

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Nonplusultra · 09/09/2023 06:04

I’m sure it feels like Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t?

Calling 999 is scary and unknown. But there’s a future where you and your dc are safe. Where there isn’t a violent man, turning up in a bad mood to hurt anyone.

Your description of him is terrifying. The fear of knowing that it’s coming, and knowing that there’s nothing you can do to stop what’s coming.

Except that there is this one thing you can do. And there’s no time limit on it - you can call 999 again now, or in the morning.

I’m picturing you trying to stand up to him, your dc so close by and listening and the poor notes terrified too, telling him to go downstairs, being brave in the face of this monster. Can you find that spark of bravery again, that mother instinct to protect your family? We know you are brave. You need to know it too.

One call will set a huge change in motion and I won’t lie- change is hard and transitions are scary - but not as hard as a punch in the face. In your face!

It’s like running down an unknown dark tunnel, but on the other side is a peaceful, tranquil home with no sudden flash in the pan bad moods. No scumbag man who is just looking for an excuse to punch you. No danger of your kids finding you dead on the floor because he hit too hard, or your neck broke in the fall.

Imagine being able to tuck your dc up in bed, and knowing that there are no monsters anymore,

Come back and tell us you’re ok op, and talk to us about your fears.

After an incident like that your body is full of adrenaline and cortisol and the 999 call and callbacks have triggered secondary adrenaline dumps that have sent you into a freeze reaction. You’re going to come out of that state of mind, and when you do, I want you to know that it’s not too late to pick up the phone and set that safe and stable future in motion.

You can do this @OkTrinny He may be physically stronger, but you’ve got us behind you. He needs stopping.

LovesJaffaCakes · 09/09/2023 06:40

Oh love.

Ring Women's Aid today and take it from there.
You are in a very dangerous situation.

Chances are he will hit you again and again, and there may not be a 'next time' when you can ask for help before it's too late.

Be brave and do the right thing for yourself and your kids.

ginderella85 · 09/09/2023 06:41

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:22

I cant do it I just cannot say it, the future scares me so much

I was in this situation for years and let me tell you it WAS the best thing I ever did finding the strength to reach out! The womens refuge was amazing we got re housed, I got an amazing job and years later I met my dh! I know it's scary but trust me you can do this you're stronger than you think. As soon as he's gone you, will feel a weight lifted and every day that passes you will feel stronger and stronger. And the old you will shine through so strong and you will be so happy and blessed

Plumful · 09/09/2023 06:47

Do it for your kids!!!! Please OP. You’re going to fuck them up for life if you let them grow up in a house thibking this is normal behaviour.

oakleaffy · 09/09/2023 06:51

@OkTrinny I once dislodged a landline that was on the floor while hoovering and it dialled 999 {not sure how}
The control desk called me back, I apologised and said ''I had phone on the floor and was hoovering- they said ''we could hear hoovering- are you sure you are ok?''

I said 'Yes, and thanks for checking'.

It would have been 999 trying to call you back.
I really hope they traced your call, but maybe these days they haven't the manpower to do this.

You need to get out of that toxic relationship for the children's and your sakes.

I'm sure people here will advise where to start.

ginderella85 · 09/09/2023 06:52

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:59

This

In all honesty, she needs to call womens aid when she is safe to do so. They can remove her and dc from the house when it is safe and then they will help her report it. The police if she answers will arrest him and he will then later be realised pending chargers. SS will be involved once the police are made away and will advise her to not take him back and if she does she will then be under ss who unfortunately may remove her children. (Child in need or child protection)

op of you are reading this you can do this and you have to do this for you and your children! No man is worth making tou fear for your life and no man is worth risking losing your children.

None of this is your fault and believe me once you have left this vile man things will start to get easier and you and your dc will have the most amazing and happy life xx