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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He punched me in the face, I dialled 999

245 replies

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 22:57

He suddenly went into his mood and flipped. I went upstairs with the children. He followed me up after 5mins even though he just said he wants to be left alone. I told him to go downstairs he refused and told me to fuck off. I told him I've had enough of everything, I had enough of his bullshit treatment towards me, he kept saying stfu, or I'll punch you in the mouth. I just snapped and said you dare and I'll call the police. He kept saying stfu as I was speaking then smacked/punched my mouth.i began crying and dialled 999, I could hear the lady saying hello but I never spoke. She could hear me crying. I cut the call. I never thought I'd call them CZ I've just been too afraid of aftermath. Its been happening for 6 years, I've put up with his crap and something just made me dial 999, physically and mentally I'm shitting down I cant take the crap

What will happen next ? got 3 private calls since i dialling it. But havnt picked up

OP posts:
ParentingSolo · 08/09/2023 23:46

OP they CAN trace a mobile location but it takes a bit of time and they need to be aware that the person is in danger in order to justify it for privacy purposes. At the moment they only have a silent call which could be a mistake. They currently have no reason to believe you're in danger. All you have to do is call again and say "please help me" or words to that effect.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/09/2023 23:47

OP you're clearly a very lovely person who puts other people before yourself but don't think about his future right now, think about yours and your children's, and how much better it will be if you all feel safe.
Everyone has the right to feel safe.
There is so much help available these days that never used to be there, you can get away from this situation and have a happy, safe life where you don't have to feel scared anymore.
I remember holding the phone. I remember not being able to press the numbers. I remember how it escalated because I couldn't use my voice.
You can do this.

MadamMaltesers · 08/09/2023 23:47

What a piece of shit. Don't let him get away with this please. Call 999.

canyoufeedthedog · 08/09/2023 23:48

This reply has been deleted

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ConnieTucker · 08/09/2023 23:48

What do you want to happen next? He will get more and more physically abusive. More for you. Then the children. He wont ever change. This is him.

so what power do you have? What change can you make?

WhamBamThankU · 08/09/2023 23:48

Please do it. I didn't and now I'm being called the abuser in family court proceedings.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 08/09/2023 23:51

You dared him, he did it. Now if you don't follow through, he knows you're all hot air and there's nothing to stop him going further.

Redglitter · 08/09/2023 23:52

Please answer the phone when they call again. They WILL call back but if you've called from your mobile phone don't, as pp have said, sit & wait for them to turn up. It could take hours or days to trace you.

If someone phones 999 from a mobile phone then all the operator gets is the mast the phone pinged off. That could cover hundreds or thousands of houses.

If someone is screaming for help or clearly distressed the mobile phone company will be contacted for subscriber details. If though it's a silent call or its not obvious someone needs help then the phone companies don't get contacted & the all we can do is check things like other Police systems to see if the number has been used previously to call for any matter. Even if the phone company does give details that only gives the phone owners home address which may not be where they're calling from

If the phone company have no details then the control room will phone and keep phoning until they get someone to speak to then. They'll potentially try for days.

Please don't assume of you're calling 999 from a mobile that so long as your call is connected but you don't speak that the Police will be on their way to you

PLEASE answer the next call OP you've taken the first step

mumda · 08/09/2023 23:53

Ring 999.

The future can't get better until you do.

Cj19877 · 08/09/2023 23:54

OP you did this because you know it's not OK to be treated like this and that it's absolutely not OK for your kids to be subjected to it. That can of worms is going to lead to a life of sweet freedom for you and your lovely kids. You just need to make one phone call to take that step X

mummybongo · 08/09/2023 23:54

Can anyone please advise the op what will actually happen if she does call them back? It might help if she knows what to actually expect. Will they take him away? Will she be offered help to leave him? Will he be allowed back to continue his abuse (likely to become worse because of her reporting him?
This is what op is scared of. Of him becoming MORE abusive BECAUSE she's called the police on him.

canyoufeedthedog · 08/09/2023 23:56

The first step after ringing 999 is going through with the allegations.
I cannot tell you how many people don't.
And I get it. It's horrendous to accept your situation.
The Police will help you. You just have to have the bravery to ask for help.

Original poster
OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:59

mummybongo · 08/09/2023 23:54

Can anyone please advise the op what will actually happen if she does call them back? It might help if she knows what to actually expect. Will they take him away? Will she be offered help to leave him? Will he be allowed back to continue his abuse (likely to become worse because of her reporting him?
This is what op is scared of. Of him becoming MORE abusive BECAUSE she's called the police on him.

This

OP posts:
Streets23 · 08/09/2023 23:59

This isn't the first time he's hit you is it? Please please get help. I have been through this with 4 children I left after years of physical and emotional abuse. Stayed in a chair at my mums house, my children had beds to sleep in. That chair was so much better than what i/we were living with. I never ever thought I'd be able to do it but I did. Sending hugs and strength to you x

JustdontknoW2do · 08/09/2023 23:59

If u can call back and use the silent call solution by pressing 55 u don't need to talk from my understanding, good luck and hope you're safe

mummybongo · 09/09/2023 00:02

Does he know you dialled 999 op? Where is he now? Are you and the children safe?

BiscuitsandPuffin · 09/09/2023 00:02

mummybongo · 08/09/2023 23:54

Can anyone please advise the op what will actually happen if she does call them back? It might help if she knows what to actually expect. Will they take him away? Will she be offered help to leave him? Will he be allowed back to continue his abuse (likely to become worse because of her reporting him?
This is what op is scared of. Of him becoming MORE abusive BECAUSE she's called the police on him.

I wish there was one single answer. It's really hard to say because there are so many variables. If he's being aggressive/argumentative with them he's very likely to get arrested for breach of the peace even if she's got no marks on her. If she's got marks he will potentially be arrested for assault. If she's not safe staying where she is they might support her into a refuge or they might signpost her to sort that out herself while he's at the station.

TakenUpTheOxoTower · 09/09/2023 00:02

@canyoufeedthedog

why are we “absolute idiots” on this post?

The op is on here asking for advice and support and we are doing our best! Sometimes, anonymous answers give you the push you need, people write of their own experiences and we just might help give op that extra push to ring for help.

We are not “absolute idiots” We are trying to show support.

Redglitter · 09/09/2023 00:03

If you call them back & give them a statement he should be arrested. Where I work if someone's arrested for a domestic incident the norm is for them to be given bail conditions when they're released that they can't contact the victim in anyway. If they do they get arrested again & charged with breach of bail

Unfortunately there's no guarantee that's what will happen as your area may be different but I'd hope it would be similar

If he's already escalated to punching you in the face, what's next. Please speak to them.

LadybirdStone · 09/09/2023 00:05

@OkTrinny you are such a strong mother.
Please text them on the number people have shared. Tell them you have been punched and are scared, they will take him away tonight. You will be safe tonight and he will know going forward anything happens he’ll be suspect number 1 so he’ll leave you and the children alone.
Please call them tonight.

Ladyj84 · 09/09/2023 00:05

So I was in an abusive marriage and I called the police when he threw me down the stairs in front of 3 of the children. It was not the first time I had been hit,verbally abused etc but if was the first he did it in front of the kids and after throwing me downstairs dragged a daughter by her hair. I had already had emergency saved in phone and just had to hold one button and the police were called, i yelled help and address and then charged up the stairs for 2 children to lock themselves in the bathroom and went to get daughter off ex husband. 5 minutes later the police ran into the house and I've never felt such relief in my life. They took him out the house immediately and arrested him. They were so kind, listened to everything, the next day another 2 came around for a deeper chat. Ex husband was charged and not allowed to enter the house again and that was the end of my marriage for me

JustdontknoW2do · 09/09/2023 00:06

Police will definitely remove him on grounds of safety of you and youre children, just be honest with them and phone womens aid tomorrow and they can advise you about everything(friend going through the same thing but on the other side now after leaving the mf) please call the police can be amazing in situations like this and you can be safe and happy x

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 00:06

Okay.
If you have said that he's being abusive, hit you.
The Police will take him out of the home/ immediate area.
They will then ask you what has happened. Ask you your experience.
He will be taken to custody and not attested. It will be seen as splitting you up to get both of your situations.
If the Police believe that their is abuse they can then arrest or let the person go.

SoulCaptain · 09/09/2023 00:07

If you are in Scotland (don't know about elsewhere) he will be taken away and held overnight. Please call them back or text as others suggest

BoatsAndHoes · 09/09/2023 00:07

Hi OP
My story is slightly different to yours. I split with my partner in Feb after he punched me in front of the kids. I didn't report at the time. Recently his behaviour had become more erratic and he's been sending me threatening messages/emails so I filled in a form on 101 online just to ask if I was within my rights to stop him seeing the children and I did mention that he had hit me in the past. Well, that was 2 weeks ago and a police officer came to see me a few days after I submitted the form and I have had so much positive support and advice from the police and social services since then! They are going to be on your side and they will help you with how you want to proceed. Don't let him get away with it. My eldest is 9 and I'm so worried about how seeing and hearing the things he has might have affected him.