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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
dooneyousmugelf · 04/09/2023 23:18

There is overinvested and then there's...this.

Twobigbabies · 04/09/2023 23:19

I might be completely wrong but I read this like he has always burnt a secret candle for you and therefore has been exaggerating the flaws in the relationship to you- no sex, wants to stay single, have fun and party (with you) etc. Maybe he actually quite likes her. Maybe he's not completely stupid and knows withdrawal isn't 100% and secretly wants to be a Dad! I would back off and leave them to it, give them breathing space as a couple to decide what they both want. I'm sure it's possible for a man to see a woman as his platonic 'best friend' but ime it's not common.

Clafoutie · 04/09/2023 23:19

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/09/2023 23:11

It’s a story as old as time and your friend is not a victim of La Belle Dame Sans Merci, ‘alone and palely loitering’.

Or don’t you think he has agency over his life? He chose to stay with her. He chose to have sex with her. He chose not to use contraceptive.

The only person I feel sorry for is the baby once born.

It’s a story as old as time and your friend is not a victim of La Belle Dame Sans Merci, ‘alone and palely loitering’.

I don’t wish to be mean to the OP, but this really made me chuckle.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 23:21

What's the bet the OP is the guy, pretending to be his female bestie in the hope of getting less flack from the vipers?

MsRosley · 04/09/2023 23:21

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

Yes, I'd be very upset for him, upset that he's the kind of idiot that doesn't bother to ensure he can't get a woman pregnant by using contraception himself, and upset that he's an even bigger idiot for being surprised and upset at the result.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 04/09/2023 23:30

5128gap · 04/09/2023 20:42

You must have a very odd friendship dynamic with him, because you sound like an over protective mother talking about her teenage son.
Your friend has caused a pregnancy due to his failure to take responsibility for his own fertility. I hope he intends to use his wealth and privelege to ensure the child he has created is properly supported regardless of his intentions towards its mother.

I had this same thought.

OP, is this man actually your son?

PurpleWisteria1 · 04/09/2023 23:31

Oh the poor man. Got tricked sticking his Willy into a woman with no protection and now she’s pregnant.
I mean come on..

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 23:33

PurpleWisteria1 · 04/09/2023 23:31

Oh the poor man. Got tricked sticking his Willy into a woman with no protection and now she’s pregnant.
I mean come on..

I mean come on..

I think the problem is rather than he came in.

sofasofa42 · 04/09/2023 23:36

Everyone one in this weird drama needs to grow up, or this is a totally made up post .

The thing with this group is most of us have been around for several decades and this post doesn't need advice- just a sigh and ... a god help us all. Really

GirlOfTudor · 04/09/2023 23:42

Not sure I have any sympathy for anyone who believes the withdrawal method is a method of contraceptive 🤦🏽‍♀️

threecupsofteaminimum · 04/09/2023 23:53

Sorry but what an absolute load of bollocks!

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/09/2023 23:55

Your lovely friend is only lovely in you eyes. I think he's a total prick.

Even you are saying "I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so." What form did his 'leading her on' take? According to you, he told her he wasn't interested in sex, never wanted children - and since she is "now pushing for marriage" presumably told her he didn't want to get married. So again - what form did his 'leading her on' take? Because leading someone on involves promises you have no intention of keeping - so what promise did he lead her on with?

And if he didn't want children, he should have used contraception, be that condoms or a vasectomy. She didn't get pregnant on her own, did she?

Is he normally this gullible? A woman who "told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world" then "changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all". Aye, right. And he believed her that withdrawal "was 99% effective". Aye, right again. And he "doesn't even understand how this happened." Aye, triple right!

Actually, scrub that; he wasn't gullible - he is LYING. He knew she still wanted children. He knew he wasn't taking any contraceptive precautions and he must have know she wouldn't. But he's a lazy self-absorbed arse who didn't really think about consequences, because it suited him to ignore them.

And look at you - calling her a gold-digger with your "He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite." And your "I really don't trust her at all." Have a word with yourself!

Your friend is an arse. And you aren't exactly smelling of roses either.

Throwncrumbs · 05/09/2023 00:03

He sounds thick, didn’t he ever go to school…doesn’t know how he got someone pregnant? Hope the baby doesn’t get his genes regarding brains!

hev126 · 05/09/2023 00:04

Do you genuinely believe he had no interest in sex and she accepted that....or do you think he wanted you to believe that was the case?

Surely if he had no interest in sex and his partner accepted a sexless relationship she wouldn't be pregnant?

ClairDeLaLune · 05/09/2023 00:06

You should be feeling sorry for the girlfriend not your friend! She’s the one having to take a backseat for years to his bachelor lifestyle. And it takes 2 to make a baby, why should just the woman be responsible for contraception? He should’ve pulled out earlier or used a different method if he was that bothered.

And you are way way way too over-invested. Why is that, I wonder…

Tessabelle74 · 05/09/2023 00:07

How can a grown man believe the pull out method is reliable contraception? Only a 13 year old thinks that's true. Anyway, it's absolutely none of your business, you already know far too much intimate stuff about him, it's weird!

Codlingmoths · 05/09/2023 00:13

gutted for him? Because you’ve realised he’s as thick as two planks and incredibly selfish besides? Well, I don’t know him so I’m not that upset to realise another man doesn’t have enough brain cells to work out having sex using the withdrawal method is not foolproof, or that if you really don’t want babies and are with someone who really does maybe yoi should take some fucking responsibility yourself? But I suppose you know him well enough to realise he’s never taken responsibility for anything, at least that’s how you make him sound.

I’m relieved for her, that she gets the baby she always wanted, and that she’s not given the best years of her life to selfish twat and sacrificed her dream. Hopefully she gives him the shove and moves on.

Canthave2manycats · 05/09/2023 00:23

Listen people, we're only wasting our time replying to this thread, because it hasn't gone the OP's way and she is not going to come back on it.

I hate it when that happens!!!

NewName122 · 05/09/2023 00:28

He's dumb. Hopefully he will support her.

Ghosttofu99 · 05/09/2023 00:37

The whole entrapment thing is such rubbish. If he didn’t want a baby he could have had the snip or bare minimum so some basic research into contraception.

suburbophobe · 05/09/2023 00:47

You need to get a life of your own.

Far too invested in other people's lives. Which frankly, has nothing to do with you.

Trez1510 · 05/09/2023 00:50

Do you ever interact with his girlfriend, OP?

Or do you only know his version of her?

The entire 'she's the opposite' (presumably not wealthy and from an emotionally dysfunctional family) schtick would for me have had me impressing upon him his behaviour towards her and his complete lack of discretion was repulsive given she wasn't an equal player in his game.

Oh, and yes, you sound like you need to get yourself a life and not be so troublingly over-invested in his, her and this baby's lives.

Siestamama · 05/09/2023 00:57

‘Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely son’

‘My son who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.’

Swap out friend for son and it suddenly makes sense! 😂

BackToOklahoma · 05/09/2023 01:01

He had unprotected sex yet doesn’t understand how this happened? 🤣 Ffs.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 05/09/2023 01:01

Poor little innocent adult male “shocked” and “disappointed” that the withdrawal method doesn’t really work IN THE YEAR 2023??? If he was vehemently opposed to having kids, he should have worn a condom or abstained instead of leaving contraception entirely up to the woman but no, he is stating that “SHE SAID IT’S 99% EFFECTIVE”. I call utter bullshit. This guy is a spineless shit.

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