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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
GP78 · 05/09/2023 18:53

You're so wierd, your friend, a grown man, doesn't know how babies are made or how to stop them being conceived and you think his GF is to blame for this lack of knowledge somehow, are you having a laugh? 🤦‍♂️

Janieforever · 05/09/2023 18:57

One of the oddest threads I’ve read. You are so utterly obsessed with their lives. And I assume jealous and bitter, she’s with him. He didn’t fall for anything, they are in a long term committed relationship and clearly has an healthy interest in sex as he got his partner pregnant.

How he is so ignorant as to not understand that biology I don’t know. But I suspect that’s your take. Not his.

I suggest you get over it before he dumps you again.

Janieforever · 05/09/2023 18:59

Op, the whole not interested in sex, which is clearly not true, did he tell you that? Did he mean not interested in sex with you?

GilbertMarkham · 05/09/2023 18:59

he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex

Yet he somehow ended up riding her like a Shetland pony, with no condom, and relying on withdrawal as the only contraception.

Did he tell you that because, even though you're supposedly totally platonic friends with no feelings, he actually suspects you have feelings and tries to paint his relationships as sexless or unimportant to you?

You sound quite bitchy and minimising their relationship saying he acted single and she waited on the wings.

Anyway If he didn't want kids he should had a vasectomy or at least used a condom.

As for believing her about withdrawal, he's got a phone and a hand, right! He's not got learning difficulties?

GilbertMarkham · 05/09/2023 19:02

Also the chances, esp. since they don't sound 24/25 yrs old, of falling pregnant from one unprotected incident of sex, using withdrawal, are relatively low.

The chances the unprotected sex was repeated over months, is higher.

He's full of shit

You're in lala land.

Noorandapples · 05/09/2023 19:04

Incredible 🤣 a grown man had sex without contraception with a woman who he knows wants children, and is shocked she's pregnant 🤡

GilbertMarkham · 05/09/2023 19:07

He's also not lovely.

Says he doesn't want kids but has sex with women without contraception, other than one of the least reliable.

I'm not sure I even believe that story. I think he spins you a yarn

Like a story for mummy .... We won't be having sex cause I'm not interested in that, it only happened once, she told me withdrawal was 99% ... reminds me of lot of "mummy" stories I've heard from ppl over the years re their sex lives, cigarette smoking, drug use etc etc.

Pepsi2001 · 05/09/2023 19:07

Jog on, mind your own business and get a life!!

Bobbotgegrinch · 05/09/2023 19:08

He's not the brightest is he?

She's not tricked him into anything, he knowingly kept having sex with someone without using any contraception.

He's a complete numpty.

ElfieLea · 05/09/2023 19:18

He'll be happy when he meets his husband who wants kids. So much easier than adopting. Until then as long as he pays CM it will all fall into place eventually. It will be easier for you to move in too.

Beachbum1981 · 05/09/2023 19:23

Please learn that male friends can and do lie.
My own experience with a friend of the opposite sex of nearly 30 years is to listen to them and then double and triple-check facts.
Honestly, this male pal managed to get a vasectomy over a decade ago (wasted probably the very best fertile years of the ex-wife clearly, honestly not me but so devious and in denial I have fallen out with him a couple of times due to behaviour and actual lack of admitting partners like I'm dealing with a schoolboy) before, getting divorced as he just felt like it one day and moving on to another partner.... with a pre-made family, spouting nonsense such as he loves them like 'his own children'. I actually feel sorry for his first wife. I'll consign myself there are probably more Step-Dads, than Step-Mums hey.

Be careful with what they'll have you believe. I think there is a chance your friend may well come to accept being Dad.

Truemilk · 05/09/2023 19:23

He doesn't even understand how this happened

He had unprotected sex, he must be a bit thick if he doesn't understand it.

She told him from the beginning she really wanted children, he should have ended it there and then.

I'd have ZERO sympathy for him

MumGMT · 05/09/2023 19:26

He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .

How does he not understand? The withdrawal method IS pretty effective, although obviously not 99% but if it was 99% there's still a chance...and if he believed it was 99% effective then he knew there was still a chance. How can he not understand how it happened?

Daisyislazy · 05/09/2023 19:30

Aye right

bluejumping · 05/09/2023 19:38

if he’s dead against having a family, why the hell hasn’t he heard of condoms?

idiot

diddl · 05/09/2023 19:38

How did she get pregnant against "his express wishes"?

He not only had sex with her-he had unprotected sex!

What an embarrassment.

ohboohoo · 05/09/2023 19:46

purplecorkheart · 04/09/2023 19:58

If he didn't want her to get pregnant why the hell did he not get a vasectomy? By the sounds of thing he was told that the withdrawal method was not 100% effective. He knew he was taking a risk even if the withdrawal method was 99% effective.

I bet he is a cocklodger and she does everything. Hopefully, she will dump him and raise their child herself. He doesn't sound like a good dad material and she makes certain he pays every penny of child maintenance he should. Also sadly I bet he will quit his job when the baby is born so he wouldn't have to pay.

So many weird made up assumptions here. I think you've fallen down a hole of hating someone you don't know because of some experience you've had. Rather than create entire life stories about strangers, perhaps seek help with dealing with your demons.

Tapasita · 05/09/2023 20:25

@CuteCillian

This will probably be the making of him.
You sound over invested.

Couldn’t agree more, on both points. When I read your post I thought it would be the making of him & them. He’s going to be a dad. And yes, you are over-invested. Time to step away

superplumb · 05/09/2023 21:19

I think your friend needs to go back to school to learn about contraception
If he really didn't want children he should've rubbered up

pollymere · 05/09/2023 21:19

I'm so sorry your asexual friend got pushed into having sex to presumably keep someone he cares about.

Practically, any sex could result in pregnancy and I suspect a financial contribution will be required. I would be getting him to ask her if she really wants a sexless marriage or she just wanted to use him because she's in love with the idea of marriage and a baby despite knowing he wanted neither of those things? He's been used and betrayed and sadly should probably cut ties. It would be interesting to see how it panned out financially if your friend suggested entrapment and having made it clear he didn't want children. And definitely get a paternity test. You rarely get pregnant after one time (yes, it does happen and I have a DS from it) but the older you get the more unlikely this is.

He's definitely going to need you so much right now 😥

Wally1983 · 05/09/2023 21:46

Whether he wanted to or not he’s going to have a child, he’ll have no choice but to get over the initial shock and step up. This could well be the making of him! It’s absolutely ok to be shocked, it’s ok to question “how this happened” but ultimately he knows exactly how it did. no one will ever know for sure he was tricked in to this!
I think he has to have frank discussions about not marrying and what happens going forward!

Mumof3confused · 05/09/2023 21:56

I don’t feel sorry for him but I do feel sorry for her. He doesn’t sound very nice - or smart - at all.

ohboohoo · 05/09/2023 22:01

pollymere · 05/09/2023 21:19

I'm so sorry your asexual friend got pushed into having sex to presumably keep someone he cares about.

Practically, any sex could result in pregnancy and I suspect a financial contribution will be required. I would be getting him to ask her if she really wants a sexless marriage or she just wanted to use him because she's in love with the idea of marriage and a baby despite knowing he wanted neither of those things? He's been used and betrayed and sadly should probably cut ties. It would be interesting to see how it panned out financially if your friend suggested entrapment and having made it clear he didn't want children. And definitely get a paternity test. You rarely get pregnant after one time (yes, it does happen and I have a DS from it) but the older you get the more unlikely this is.

He's definitely going to need you so much right now 😥

🙄

Tessabelle74 · 05/09/2023 22:39

pollymere · 05/09/2023 21:19

I'm so sorry your asexual friend got pushed into having sex to presumably keep someone he cares about.

Practically, any sex could result in pregnancy and I suspect a financial contribution will be required. I would be getting him to ask her if she really wants a sexless marriage or she just wanted to use him because she's in love with the idea of marriage and a baby despite knowing he wanted neither of those things? He's been used and betrayed and sadly should probably cut ties. It would be interesting to see how it panned out financially if your friend suggested entrapment and having made it clear he didn't want children. And definitely get a paternity test. You rarely get pregnant after one time (yes, it does happen and I have a DS from it) but the older you get the more unlikely this is.

He's definitely going to need you so much right now 😥

Nice name change OP 🤣

DiddlyDonut · 05/09/2023 23:18

pollymere · 05/09/2023 21:19

I'm so sorry your asexual friend got pushed into having sex to presumably keep someone he cares about.

Practically, any sex could result in pregnancy and I suspect a financial contribution will be required. I would be getting him to ask her if she really wants a sexless marriage or she just wanted to use him because she's in love with the idea of marriage and a baby despite knowing he wanted neither of those things? He's been used and betrayed and sadly should probably cut ties. It would be interesting to see how it panned out financially if your friend suggested entrapment and having made it clear he didn't want children. And definitely get a paternity test. You rarely get pregnant after one time (yes, it does happen and I have a DS from it) but the older you get the more unlikely this is.

He's definitely going to need you so much right now 😥

😂 what is this nonsense