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Original poster

Would You Leave If BF Called You A C**t

249 replies

Allycat78 · 03/09/2023 12:20

i want to start this thread to see what you ladies out there think. I’m divorced. My 2 sons are adults. Im 45, been seeing a guy for 18 months. Started off great as all relationships do. I haven’t moved in. Stay in my own place but see each other regularly. As time has gone on I’ve noticed him increasingly impatient with me and life in general. Maybe he just hid it at first. Never been violent or I’d be gone but he can get very angry verbally and mood swings. He never sees his fault in anything and when we have a tiff, he says it’s my fault because I piss him off and need to make more effort to not annoy him.
He’s been throwing in names and slurs when angry more recently and telling me to fuck off and name calling. Says things like ‘are you fucking stupid’ and ‘stop being a cunt.’
i know im far from perfect but I’ve never sworn at him or used this type of derogatory speech to him. He shouts. I don’t raise my voice.
Either im a terrible girlfriend for making him so mad or this is a relationship I need to end. Thoughts please.

OP posts:
itsawildwildworld · 03/09/2023 12:48

End it. This is a relationship that has run it's course. You deserve better.

WandaWonder · 03/09/2023 12:50

Another person who needs to be told to leave him, just leave or tell him too leave

SpringleDingle · 03/09/2023 12:50

They are never shitty all along! You wouldn’t have got past date 1 if he’d called you a cunt then. They relax into their shittiness. What you see now is how he really is now he’s sure he doesn’t need to pretend to be nicer to keep you. Definitely time to give him the heave-ho - he is not nice!

Darkdiamond · 03/09/2023 12:50

Allycat78 · 03/09/2023 12:41

He hasn’t been shitty all along. There’s been small changes as time has gone on but these nasty sides is more recent. He claims to love and want me but then gets in these moods I’ve mentioned which makes me believe deep down he doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t be so disrespectful

That's how they get their claws in. Nobody would stay with an abuser if they came straight out with their true colours.

KevinAndHerKits · 03/09/2023 12:50

.

Would You Leave If BF Called You A C**t
Scousemousey · 03/09/2023 12:51

Bail. You can and will find a better one.

Darkdiamond · 03/09/2023 12:51

Would you like your adult children to be with a partner who called them those names and did the other things you mentioned, even if they were nice at other times?

You deserve a lot more

Bobbotgegrinch · 03/09/2023 12:52

I'd leave if my DP called me anything at all in anger.

We'll occasionally call each other a dick playfully if one eats the last piece of cake for instance, but it's very clear that it's joking around.

Arguments are for when two people have a fundamental disagreement about something. They whole point of them is to air your position, listen to the other persons position, and try to come to a compromise. Yes they can get heated, but they shouldn't be about trying to hurt the other person, and name calling serves no purpose other than to hurt, so we don't do it.

Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to hurt you?

WandaWonder · 03/09/2023 12:52

Allycat78 · 03/09/2023 12:41

He hasn’t been shitty all along. There’s been small changes as time has gone on but these nasty sides is more recent. He claims to love and want me but then gets in these moods I’ve mentioned which makes me believe deep down he doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t be so disrespectful

Or you chose to ignore the signs, what would you say to a poster or friend if you read the op?

ChaToilLeam · 03/09/2023 12:53

Bloody hell, what a horrible man, of course you should end it!

It worries me a little that you even need to ask.

Maze76 · 03/09/2023 12:58

When someone shows you who they are- believe them.. the mask has slipped and his true face has been revealed. LTB.

ohsuzannah · 03/09/2023 12:58

Get out now. I've never called a cunt in my life 😡

HamishTheCamel · 03/09/2023 12:58

It's easy to be nice to someone for a year.

Original poster
Allycat78 · 03/09/2023 12:59

I would definitely tell them to leave.
I suppose he is spelling it out for me that I’m wasting my time. He told me im
the weirdest girlfriend he’s ever had and that I don’t show him enough respect, he’s a hard worker and decent man but I’m too demanding and must have mental health issues to carry on the way I do.
I don’t scream or swear or have little tantrums or break things or anything that i can see would mean I’m unstable mentally.

OP posts:
Extremelycowgirl · 03/09/2023 13:00

My ex husband use to call me ‘cunt’ often…

10+ years later, I look back with horror that I tolerated him for so long and am so sad for myself that my self esteem had become so eroded that I didn’t leave much earlier.

TheBewilderedGoblin · 03/09/2023 13:02

End it

Singleandproud · 03/09/2023 13:04

@Allycat78 I suspect you are an 'older' more experienced woman who wont do as they are told and won't let him do what he wants or treat them like rubbish. He is probably an abuser as the facade his dropped over several months and can't control you the way he wants he is turning it back on you. Either way he sounds like an arse and you will be far better without him.

The real question though is why have you put up with it, is it your first relationship in a while or do you have a history of dating shitty men? If the latter I believe Womens Aid do a course to help identify abusive men.

Ditch him today.

Newestname002 · 03/09/2023 13:05

@Allycat78

If he did, he wouldn’t be so disrespectful.

There - you've said it yourself. This man has no respect for you, far from it. Please have respect for yourself and end this toxic relationship now.

Thank goodness you have your own home and not moved in together, as being in close quarters together (especially if you were in his home) he would behave worse.

Please tell him this no longer works for you (however you need to do so, via text or email if in person is too hard) and you don't want to see him again. Be prepared he will either be surprised you want to end such a wonderful relationship(!) or will get angry. Either way stick to your guns.

It is not acceptable for one person to treat another this way and you are, certainly, worth more than this. 🌹

mistermagpie · 03/09/2023 13:06

Bloody hell, it never ceases to amaze me what some women put up with.

You know you don't actually have to put up with this, right? On literally no planet is it better to be called names and treated like dirt by a partner than it is to be single. End it.

Darkdiamond · 03/09/2023 13:06

Allycat78 · 03/09/2023 12:59

I would definitely tell them to leave.
I suppose he is spelling it out for me that I’m wasting my time. He told me im
the weirdest girlfriend he’s ever had and that I don’t show him enough respect, he’s a hard worker and decent man but I’m too demanding and must have mental health issues to carry on the way I do.
I don’t scream or swear or have little tantrums or break things or anything that i can see would mean I’m unstable mentally.

The mental health problems is classic abuser script

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/09/2023 13:08

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

It’s not you, it’s him and he targeted you to abuse.

Your boundaries here, perhaps skewed already by abusive men, are being further eroded by this man now. The Freedom programme I think would be of good use to you going forward. You need to end this with this bloke like yesterday and quickly. You do not owe him anything, let alone a relationship here.

Prelapsarianhag · 03/09/2023 13:08

His mask is slipping and it has further to go. Get out before it slips any more.

DuesToTheDirt · 03/09/2023 13:09

he doesn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t be so disrespectful

I think you're wrong here. "Loving you" and "being respectful" are separate things, and he should be respectful whether he loves you or not. Name-calling does show that he's a sorry specimen of a human being, which is enough to ditch him.

Bored1000 · 03/09/2023 13:09

Why on Earth would anyone put up with this, He has no respect for you

lechatnoir · 03/09/2023 13:10

Christ on a bike women what are you doing with him?! There comes a point in your life surely when you accept being solo and happy is worth so much more than being spoken to like shit by an arsehole. Get rid. TODAY.

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