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Original poster

How many times would you get married?

195 replies

BetteDavisEyes11 · 29/08/2023 10:41

I have been married twice, once very young and second time has lasted 10 years.

my mum has a very strong view that I should now not commit to anyone else or ever get married again.

Shes been married to my dad for 48 years.

I understand her perspective, but also she has never been in my position. I don’t believe marriage is a must for a serious relationship, however if I were to meet someone and wanted to marry again I wouldn’t want to be restricted or frowned upon for doing so.

OP posts:
MsMillie · 30/08/2023 07:33

I'm married, this is my second marriage. I don't agree being married more than once is "a mockery ", I do think staying in a marriage because you said you would is the kind of attitude that makes women accept a lifetime of unhappiness. I'm happily married but wouldn't stoically stay if it was shit.
Been there, and stayed way too long in my first marriage.
My parents boast about their 50 years married, dear God , what a shit show they've had for years. There's your mockery, brainwashed into thinking they have no choice.

Layinwait · 30/08/2023 07:35

What some mumsnetter suck up and endure in their marriage would personally make me feel suicidal

but I suppose they get the comfort that they are sticking at it and marriage is for life

forgetting the horrible environment this must be for their children

Doggymummar · 30/08/2023 08:33

Layinwait · 30/08/2023 07:35

What some mumsnetter suck up and endure in their marriage would personally make me feel suicidal

but I suppose they get the comfort that they are sticking at it and marriage is for life

forgetting the horrible environment this must be for their children

Completely agree. Feeling it's better to be married to ANYONE rather than being divorced 😔

Floofydawg · 30/08/2023 08:36

Layinwait · 30/08/2023 07:35

What some mumsnetter suck up and endure in their marriage would personally make me feel suicidal

but I suppose they get the comfort that they are sticking at it and marriage is for life

forgetting the horrible environment this must be for their children

100%. Someone once said to me that it's a very brave thing to leave a bad marriage.

TheCyclingGorilla · 30/08/2023 08:37

Recently separated. Never again.

Beaverbridge · 30/08/2023 08:41

Once was enough!. Got a great partner now, he's got his place, I've got mine. Works just fine.

Broodywuz · 30/08/2023 08:43

Once, I wouldn't get married again, married 10 years with 2 DC. I wouldn't of had children with someone who wasn't prepared to marry me. Not saying i wouldn't want another partner should DH and I separate or if he died but I don't think I would have any desire to marry again. I think it's nice when you're young and before children but don't see much point after that

Roselilly36 · 30/08/2023 08:50

Been married 29yrs, first marriage, if DH died no way would
I consider marrying again. It could make things too complicated financially.

Morewineplease10 · 30/08/2023 08:54

One and done.
Getting divorced- he left me for someone else.
It's hell and I'd never contemplate it again.
I miss what I thought I had but the reality is he was shagging around for 16 years. I had no idea.

Proudgypsy · 30/08/2023 08:59

Once, I'm catholic.

mydogisthebest · 30/08/2023 09:03

MsMillie · 30/08/2023 07:33

I'm married, this is my second marriage. I don't agree being married more than once is "a mockery ", I do think staying in a marriage because you said you would is the kind of attitude that makes women accept a lifetime of unhappiness. I'm happily married but wouldn't stoically stay if it was shit.
Been there, and stayed way too long in my first marriage.
My parents boast about their 50 years married, dear God , what a shit show they've had for years. There's your mockery, brainwashed into thinking they have no choice.

Getting married twice may not be a mockery of marriage but, for me, any more than that is.

My neighbours got married last year - 4th marriage for both of them. They had a big white wedding and their vows were saying to each other that they were soul mates, they would be together for ever etc. They, presumably, thought that about the previous 3 marriages.

Both me and DH believe strongly in marriage. We both believe marriage is for eternity. We are lucky that after 43 years we are still very happy and very much in love. If we had ever separated we would not have got divorced

Layinwait · 30/08/2023 09:05

mydogisthebest · 30/08/2023 09:03

Getting married twice may not be a mockery of marriage but, for me, any more than that is.

My neighbours got married last year - 4th marriage for both of them. They had a big white wedding and their vows were saying to each other that they were soul mates, they would be together for ever etc. They, presumably, thought that about the previous 3 marriages.

Both me and DH believe strongly in marriage. We both believe marriage is for eternity. We are lucky that after 43 years we are still very happy and very much in love. If we had ever separated we would not have got divorced

Show quote history

Out of interest what would be your response if one of your children divorced?

GrannyGoggins · 30/08/2023 09:07

I'm on my 3rd marriage and very happy. Both my parents are on their 3rd marriages too and seem to be happy.

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/08/2023 09:08

Once for me and still am. If it all went pear shaped, I wouldn't do it again, I'd stay single.

Jennalong · 30/08/2023 09:09

Was married , been with partner 20 years , he has been married twice .

MsMillie · 30/08/2023 09:18

@mydogisthebest , if you separated you wouldn't get divorced? Why not?
You say you believe strongly in marriage, but staying married while permanently separated, what do you think marriage is?

honeyandfizz · 30/08/2023 09:24

Twice for me and never ever again. First DH is Father to my 2 dc and married for 14 years. Second married just 2 years before he cheated on me. Now single at the age of 46 and the way I feel right now I have zero intentions of meeting another man. Getting married for a third time in my circumstances for me is an absolute no no - two failed marriages why the hell would I do it again?!

Shodan · 30/08/2023 09:26

I've been married, and divorced, twice. Now with DP who I hope to be with until I die. He very much wants to marry me but I'm not sure, tbh. Finances are a lot more complicated than when I was younger and frankly I would feel faintly embarrassed to have been married three times, although I don't know why I feel like that. But I think it would make him feel as though he was less important to me than my XHs? When actually it's the opposite.

I'm going to keep doing a Scarlett O'Hara on this one 😂

Huckleberries73 · 30/08/2023 09:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

JanglingJack · 30/08/2023 09:33

I've never been married (pushing 50). I'd often want to get married for the emotional security and the fairytale ending I guess.
Thank god I didn't.
I don't want to marry now, at all. My life has been made secure by myself. My kids (2) have been supported by me. My assets will become their assets.
I used to look at this as being left on the shelf. Now, I really couldn't give it a second thought.
I'm a spinster 🤣

Rotterdam · 30/08/2023 09:38

Once.

Only got married because we had a child together.

Happy 28 years later but if he died, I wouldn’t want a permanent relationship with a male again.

I would concentrate on my kids and female friends.

Onelifeonly · 30/08/2023 09:38

I think it's fine to be married however many times you want, though after at least one failed marriage, it would be sensible to consider why things went wrong and how you might approach things differently in the future. But clearly mistakes happen or things within a relationship change over time, and not everything can be mitigated against..

I wouldn't remarry as I have children and second marriages complicate inheritance etc. (I have family members currently embroiled in a bitter dispute after an unexpected death - it was a second marriage.) If I was young enough to have more children then perhaps I would.

The "allure" of marriage means less to me now I am not in the wanting a family stage of life. If my marriage ever ended or DH died, I'm not sure I'd even want to ever live with someone else, though I wouldn't rule out a new partner.

HamishTheCamel · 30/08/2023 09:48

There's a difference between a marriage and a wedding. I would definitely never have a big white wedding for a 2nd / 3rd / 4th time even if I wanted to get married again.

SullysTail · 30/08/2023 10:00

OP similarly to you I married very young (and it lasted a very short time) then married again after some years. We were married for over 10 years but it broke down as he became increasingly financially and emotionally abusive.

I'm now married a third time as DH had never been married before and wanted to get married. If we ever split (which I highly doubt, we are very happy together but nothing is certain) I wouldn't even entertain living with another man, never mind marrying one.

Septemberdaysarehere · 30/08/2023 10:02

It’s tricky.
My brother had three relationships where he lived with them for longish periods of time. The fourth he was with for 10 years and engaged and had two children and then they split. He’s now been with someone for 3 years and they have 5 children between them and they have just moved in. He’s 50 and never married. I think he has done in mainly to protect his pension and now house. I think he could have married at anytime and realistic has had about 10 relationships with women he has moved in to his house - is that worse than mine two very short marriages?

I’ve been married twice and I would marry again having had a lot of therapy after the second.

My parents have been married 50 years plus and hate each other - they are vile to each other.