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Original poster

How many times would you get married?

195 replies

BetteDavisEyes11 · 29/08/2023 10:41

I have been married twice, once very young and second time has lasted 10 years.

my mum has a very strong view that I should now not commit to anyone else or ever get married again.

Shes been married to my dad for 48 years.

I understand her perspective, but also she has never been in my position. I don’t believe marriage is a must for a serious relationship, however if I were to meet someone and wanted to marry again I wouldn’t want to be restricted or frowned upon for doing so.

OP posts:
BakingBeanz · 29/08/2023 12:45

Happily married. I wouldn’t marry again if DH died- I feel that I’ve been very lucky to have all these years of a wonderful marriage and wouldn’t want a second go. Add to that having to adjust to some new bloke plus all the material risks (I have my own money, which I’ll be leaving to my children- don’t want some man getting his hands on it) and it’s a big no thank you all round.

weegiemum · 29/08/2023 12:46

Once.

I love dh and we've 3 grown up children from our 29 year marriage, but if he left or died I would never live with/marry another man.

ebts · 29/08/2023 12:46

I've been married twice. The first time ended in divorce, we were both unfaithful. 30 years with my second husband ended when he died. I am in another relationship now, but we live separately, and I would certainly never contemplate marrying again. I value my own company and space far too much.

twistyizzy · 29/08/2023 12:46

BeReet · 29/08/2023 10:47

Once. I am married atm, but should anything alter that, then I would never want to share my space with a man on a permanent basis ever again.

That's exactky how I feel

RaininSummer · 29/08/2023 12:48

I would think with two unsuccessful marriages it's time to knock it on the head.

Hbh17 · 29/08/2023 12:48

I hope only once. At my advanced age now, I think if I were to find myself single there's no way I'd even want to live with anyone ever again. I think solo living would be incredibly appealing, and I really admire the older couples I know who have both stayed in their own homes and continued to have a level of independence.

FoxyFeeling · 29/08/2023 12:50

Been married once for a long time, no intention of doing it again, I’m financially secure and like my own company - been dating a lovely guy for a few years, but what would be the point? 🤷‍♀️

MNetcurtains · 29/08/2023 12:53

Meatus · 29/08/2023 10:46

I’m one and done.

While I’d feel differently in the case of someone who was widowed, I think someone who has several failed marriages behind them would be mad to think marriage no. 3 or 4 will be any different.

Same here. When I hear of somebody having multiple marriages (more than 2) I immediately think "you're the problem".

It's like the definition of insanity "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome"(or words to that effect)

TragicMuse · 29/08/2023 13:01

Funnily enough, I asked my husband if he would marry again if I died and he said no. And I don't think I would either if I lost him.

Partly because our teen needs special understanding etc. but mostly because my husband is truly all I have ever wished for and would be a hard act to follow. It took me decades to find him and I don't think there's a man, FOR ME, who could come close to matching him.

If he died I might have another lover but I'd not have another husband.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 29/08/2023 13:05

Tbh one of the reasons I'd never marry (or probably even date) again if I lost dh is MN. I had no idea how crap so many men and so many relationships were until I discovered the Relationships board. And yes I know that it's skewed because people generally don't post for advice about happy relationships, but even so...

Babdoc · 29/08/2023 13:05

Once. I married DH for life. I was devastated by his death at age 36. I still love, miss and grieve him 32 years later. And I would never remarry - he is irreplaceable.

BethDuttonsTwin · 29/08/2023 13:08

I’ve been married twice. I remember as a child hearing my parents discuss an aunt who was about to be married a third time, and being completely 😲 at the idea of THREE marriages. Now I will be thrice married aunt if I venture down the aisle again 😁

I probably won’t bother again tbh. Having been married twice and been in two other long term living together relationships, I am afraid I don’t much care for it.

felisha54 · 29/08/2023 13:09

Once. Even if dh and I divorced or he died I don't think I'd get married again.

YukoandHiro · 29/08/2023 13:10

AnotherEmma · 29/08/2023 10:50

I'm married (first marriage) and if DH died or we divorced I don't think I would marry again. I have very little interest in living with a man again (I love DH dearly but living with him annoys me) and we have children so I wouldn't want to tie myself legally and financially to someone else. The children and their inheritance would be my priority.

I suppose I might change my mind if I met someone absolutely amazing and really wanted to marry him but I am not convinced that would happen!!

Same position and I feel exactly the same.

If DH died or we split I wouldn't live with a man again.

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 29/08/2023 13:11

I have dh number 4...wouldn't do it again! Though have teased dh I have kept the bag and shoes!

Circe7 · 29/08/2023 13:11

I’m not sure that people who are in a (presumably) happy marriage can really know if they would ever get married again. It’s quite hard to imagine falling out of love with your husband, divorcing and falling in love with someone else. I’m recently divorced and can’t imagine getting married again at the moment but I’ve changed so much since getting divorced that I really don’t know.

If you want to get married again, I see that as a personal decision for you and your future husband which really doesn’t affect anyone else except possibly your children.

I also think it’s very harsh to say that someone who was pressured into one marriage very young and then abused in the next marriage is “the problem “. I would make sure that you can recognise whether your current relationship is a healthy one before marriage given the bad experiences you’ve had. A good third marriage might be very positive for you though.

I now see marriage as more of a legal contract than a promise to stay with someone forever. And I don’t see divorce as a moral failure. I think there’s quite a high likelihood that at some point in a period of 40+ years you’ll change enough that you no longer make each other happy or that one of you does something which is unforgivable to the other.

Autieangel · 29/08/2023 13:19

I'm on my second if u should find myself single I won't get married again

HumourReplacementTherapy · 29/08/2023 13:25

I'd never marry or live with another man again. It's my 20th wedding anniversary today and DH would say the same, not out of adoration and love but just a fuck no, I'd not want to have to get used to someone else, I'd live on my own and please myself.
Of course difficult to say exactly what you'd do when you've lived with someone for 27 years and I do love him dearly but nah, never again!

cheezncrackers · 29/08/2023 13:28

I couldn't see myself getting married again, if anything were to happen to DH or to our marriage. I just wouldn't see the point and would be worried that it would financially disadvantage my DC. Generally, I'm not especially judgmental, but if someone has been married three times I admit I'm a bit Hmm

BertieBotts · 29/08/2023 13:29

So surprised to see many people putting a number on it - I would have said your mum's view is very old fashioned.

I wouldn't put a number on it. I don't see myself having another relationship as things currently stand, but people do change, grow apart, people cheat, and most tragically people do die young. If any of those things happened (and touch wood they will not) I wouldn't want to rule out marriage again.

Doggymummar · 29/08/2023 13:30

I've been three times. With current partner 10 years and wouldn't do it again. He hasn't been married, if that makes any difference

Thisistyresome · 29/08/2023 13:37

Guess the question is why do you want to get married?

If you are seeing it as a lifelong bond or religious obligation that makes sense. If you are treating it as a “seal” or branding on a relationship that has go on a while, but makes it a pain the back side to end then that kind of suggests your mum is probably right.

If you have are two marriages that have ended in divorce the probably of the subsequent ones ending the same way are huge (I think 3rd marriages have a divorce rate above 3/4). Why add the complexity of the divorce process when you are so likely to have to go through it. If you have a long term relationship and need to make arrangements do it via other legal agreements (e.g. one rents their property out and signs a cohabitation agreement not to claim on the other’s).

Moveoverdarlin · 29/08/2023 13:37

Once. I’ve got to go to a friends third wedding next week (she’s just turned 41) and I think it makes a mockery of the whole thing. I’ve still got the outfit from her last wedding, been on yet another hen do…buy a few more vouchers, sit at the same table as we did the last time.

AnnieFarmer · 29/08/2023 13:41

Always said I’d never marry again if something happened to my marriage (which I truly believed was forever). Turned out that it wasn’t, I’m now in a lovely new relationship of just over 2 years and we plan to marry eventually. It doesn’t matter, it’s no one else’s business. Do what makes you happy.

HamishTheCamel · 29/08/2023 13:42

It's tricky. Theoretically it's no one's business apart from the couple concerned, so it really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. But in reality if someone says "my friend is on her third marriage" then it's difficult not to make a negative judgement about that.

I expect that's why your mum has said this OP. She's embarrassed at the thought of telling her friends!