Is it reasonable that my husband doesn't allow couples (except immediate family) to stay the night?

[SperaT]

My husband has said we can't have any couples to stay for a night who aren't immediate family.

We live in London and we have a big spare ensuite bedroom that isn't used for anything else.

He is ok with having immediate family occasionally, and has agreed to me having the odd single friend occasionally.

I have said that it wouldn't be often that I'd want to have a friend & their partner to stay. It would be very occasionally - maybe once or twice a year, and only on a weekend.

Examples would be a good friend visiting London with her spouse (who I don't get to see often) and a cousin who lives in America who would bring their spouse if visiting.

My husband has said he can take them out for a meal instead. I've said it's not the same as being able to sit up till the early hours for a catch-up with my cousin, who I rarely see.

It feels unfair of him to give a blanket 'no'. And I don't understand why he can't put up with it occasionally. There's no reason other than it's disruptive to his routine. I would feel sad having to turn people down, when I would enjoy it.

Do others think this is unfair too? AIBU?

Sorry, fooled again! At least it’s not a “could l be pregnant?” one 😂.

What is it at the moment, with these men not ‘allowing’ their wives / partners to have family and friends to stay?

Who are these men, and what rock did you heave over to find them under….?

God, nothing like coming on MN to appreciate my nice, normal DH…. 😳

So why has it come up when I press the active button? If you don’t want threads to be reawakened tell MNHQ.

Sound like an arse tbh

People have. Countless times.

Given this thread has 'reawakened'....

I have had several discussions with my husband about guests staying since this thread.

I took on board a lot of the comments, and asked him to agree to my friends who are couples staying for one night max twice a year (and it may not even be that). I said that he wouldn't need to feel he had to join in or do anything with them.

I said that one of the couples might be a cousin from America and her partner. I rarely see my cousin. One friend would only visit if she can stay overnight, and might bring her husband.

But he still says no to them staying overnight.

His parents have stayed at ours for a weekend, and mine will soon. It's not like we have loads of overnight guests.

So what will you do as he's being so dogmatic?

Yeah he really is weird.

Your cousin and her partner are over from the states, you have a spare en-suite room and you aren't even allowed to offer them the hospitality of one night stay?!?

Astounding.

I'm not a massive fan of over-night guests of not my choosing (I love my choices when they stay!) but I would never lay down the law like he has. (Plus I am ND so there is a bit of an explanation in that I can feel over-whelmed, or get too excited and burn out!)

Can't DH stay with a friend (although I'm guessing he has none) when your cousin is visiting?

I'm really curious as to what you think his reason might be to not allowing you guests?
And why did you buy a two bed home?
And put a bed in the second room?

And would he go to your cousins wedding (if they ending up getting married)? And would he ever stay at anyone else's house?

And what other weird behaviours does he have? I'm guessing you don't have pets, they wouldn't be allowed to walk about Willy-nilly in his flat, but are you planning to have children? What rooms would they be allowed in?

He's being unreasonable not allowing your cousin and their partner to stay at your place. End of.

If my DH wanted his cousin and partner to stay at ours, even if I didn't like it I wouldn't want to be rude to DH's family so I would be fine having to compromise.

But if he doesn't really know your friend and their partner that well, I can understand him hesitating about that. But I'm the type of person that's very particular about who I let stay in my home overnight as it's a trust issue for me. I wouldn't be comfortable about that but if I saw how important it was to my DH for his friend to stay at ours I would let him do what he wanted and try my best to manage. Though if I'm not comfortable with it he wouldn't put me through that and he would tell them to stay at a hotel instead.

I'm pretty introverted with social anxiety and when other people I don't know or live with are around for a period of time I feel like I can't relax. My home is my safe place where everything and everyone is familiar to me. It's awkward for me to entertain others and think of things to talk about.
Since that doesn't come naturally to me, I feel like I'm pressured to make sure they are having a good time even though that's not the case. Could that be going on with him? It's annoying and frustrating that I feel this way and I wish I didn't.

I’d call his bluff op and say”Fine, no immediate family either!” Well of course after your parents have been.

What you want matters too! This is not just about the spare room, it’s about your life not being dictated by him.