The love of my life has just left me and I am heartbroken.

[Ifuckeditallup]

After a series of arguments, mainly caused by my about the same thing over and over again my dp has left me. He took his bags today and went. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him walk out that door. He has blocked me on fb which is the only platform either of us use and pretty much is cold as ice now although we have had to message about the kids today.

Help me get over this? I loved him with all of my being and fucked it up with one last argument last night that he is not going to get over. Not ever. Aside from the recent arguments we have only had about others in our relationship. I have lost my best friend, my team mate, my lover all in the space of a day. What can I do to heal? It hurts so very much. I am dying inside right now as I type this because I dont want to tell family or friends. Im shattered. Please help me cope.

Who called the police, your children, neighbours or Dp?

If you were very drunk last night you may now be suffering a depressed mood as a result so everything will feel more dramatic. If police were called to calm you down then why did he leave..not you? You were the one with the anger. However he is right to take himself away from the situation to protect the children.

I think you have to accept you can't drink alcohol as your resentment comes out too vviciously. Focus on the children, not yourself and the work out if your issues need some professional help or can you stop alcohol on your own.

Your partner may see you taking responsibility and section as a positive sign but he is right to be cautious.

HOW can you not see that THAT IS special?!! That IS thinking of you?!

Are they your children not his?

You are dramatic, jealous and insecure and all that combined with alcohol makes you scream and shout with no regard to your children etc.

Whether it's because of that, he has emotionally distanced himself from you, hence not bothering to get you a birthday present and then announcing that he was thinking he would get you something but that something is something you've made clear in the past you would never want.

I think in his mind he left you a long time ago and it's only now this latest episode has forced his hand and he's physically left.

Hand wringing and wishing you hadn't said or done this or that will only serve to make you feel worse.

You have to accept that he's had enough and the best way forward now is to reach an amicable understanding of how best to parent your children and set them a good example by being good role models to them.

@OneFingerOneThumbKeepMoving the kids are a priority. They have been spoken to and apologised to and they are with their father today apparently having a great time. All kids talking to me, all hugged me and told me they loved me as I told them. They are the priority but he has gone and they are with him today and I am alone and wallowing and feeling lonely to be honest.

@WorseDecision im not usually bad with alcohol but I just think as we normall go a bit overboard for birthdays (his was a 2 night spa weekend away with dinners etc and I bought him a token gift too for example this year) just made mefeel inadequate and like an afterthought.

@Notlongnow01 he did

@LBFseBrom no we have teenaged children and are together a long time it is 4 arguments we have only had till now. He also gets spoiled, I do actually more for him at times than he does as it makes me feel good to buy things people will enjoy and i have a good job and can comfortably afford it.

OP what strikes me in all this is the effect that alcohol has on you.

If you were shouting so much that the police were called, I am not surprised that your BF has left.

You sound terribly focused on yourself. Try to consider the bad effect your drinking has on your children.
I take it they're not your BF's children as they're teenagers.

I can't say I blame him for leaving. You need to get your drinking under control and put your children first. I assure you that they would have been frightened last night. Don't try to brush this under the carpet.
You have a drink problem and it's time to deal with it.

I think you should let him go, OP. It was serious enough for him to leave his kids and go. Let him be a good father to them and not make this about you now because it isn't anymore. I don't think he will come back, it takes a lot for a parent to leave their home and children and it sounds to me as if you push and push to find out the limit and are then devastated when it's acted on. That's abusive.

I too think you should stop drinking completely, it makes you feel like shit afterwards because you behave in any way you like and say what you like. Better that your kids don't see this again, not from their mum.

Plan each day to get through it and find some real life friends to talk to about it and take you out of yourself for a bit and you'll get there.

Its unlikely he left just because this one - although totally ridiculous argument - about the birthday present.
Sounds like you have been together a while - since you have teenagers.
And sounds like you have some deep insecurities - that probably made both of you to accumulate resentments.
So - the small infraction of no gift caused you to overreact to the point of explosion. And that was the last straw for him.
Too bad your kids had to witness it.

Your relationship could not have been healthy - so maybe its not a bad thing.

@YouJustDoYou he lost his credit card the day before my birthday so dinner was actually on me for that night. We always get each other couples nights away with dinner and no kids, possibly a spa treatment and couple time. His decision was to buy me a spa treatment for me alone in a salon I think is fairly creepy which I had specifically told him I will never step foot in. Apparently he did not realise this which I actually said about a week ago.

I hate to say it but you've made your bed and now you must lie in it.

I wouldn't put up with a partner kicking off when they are drunk. If you can't control your behaviour, you shouldn't drink.

You will get over this, it will take time and you should reflect on your behaviour.
You may not think it affects your kids but believe me, it most definitely shapes their relationships of the future.

You feel awful. You'll feel awful for a while. But bit by bit, you'll get back to normal. And then, better! Keep breathing and be kind to yourself. Don't let yourself think about him, or about what you've 'lost'. Let that go. Move on.

Sounds like him leaving has been coming for a while and this just tipped him over. You need to stop drinking and you need to stay split up.

Your behaviour sounds worse than his.

You do seem preoccupied with these spa treatments.

Truth is, you got drunk, you argued with him, you drank more and argued again to the point where you were screaming in the street and needed police presence.

Utterly shameful and an appalling way to behave in front of your children. A record will probably be kept of this so maybe that will help to make you realise that you need to change your behaviours.

I doubt your boyfriend will be back due to not wanting any repeat performances.

@Livinghappy he called them and they came out and said everything was fine, nobody was hurt, calm down and he slept in the spare room. He decided today to leave.

@YouJustDoYou but he didnt actually buy anything and the place he was talking about is a place i told him i would never go as it is creepy looking.

@Notlongnow01 no ours.

@Valerie23 I did ask him had he intentions to leave already and he is adamant he did not he just had no time to think of anything.

@TheShellBeach yes i got drunk two nights in a row. Been ages before that since but yes if drinking has made this happen I will just leave it. Wont bother me to leave it.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe he actually took the kids with him today and we have a second property anyway where the kids all have bedrooms etc so it was me he left not the kids per se. He is a fantastic hands on dad.

Last nights argument I was very loudly shouting and I am beyond sad and disgusted with myself to say the police were called.

Well he should probably have bought you a gift, but that sounds like a pretty small issue compared to you getting drunk and losing your temper in a totally unacceptable way in front of your children.

It's really not for you to decide that it wasn't all that bad for them, and to insist they were never at risk of any physical harm. You were clearly too drunk to be in control of yourself or your temper, so probably not fully in control of your memory or all of your actions either. People NEVER call the police to their own home to deal with a domestic incident they'd rather the neighbours didn't see or hear, unless they are genuinely fearful for someone's safety and feel they have no other option. Besides which, the emotional harm to your children is damaging too. It's not just a case of 'Well I didn't punch anyone, so no real harm done.'

The first thing you need to do is own it and take full responsibility. That doesn't mean minimising your own behaviour in order to focus on how sorry you are feeling for yourself right now.

Under the circumstances I don't think anyone could blame him for packing his bags and walking. He must be absolutely mortified and frankly ashamed of you.

Also any relationship that is 4 years old yet still involves arguments over multiple exes due to your 'insecurity' is a dysfunctional relationship anyway. I couldn't stand to live with someone who was constantly giving me grief over over past relationships. It's no way to live. If you don't think you can trust him partner then leave. If you can trust him tehn whatever else he did and with whom, before he met you is none of your concern. Don't make both your lives a misery by harping on and on about your insecurity.

Women who do this always make it all about them. The poor, helpless victims of their own angst. Oh but I can't help it, I have trust issues, I have anxiety, I've been hurt in the past, I really try not to get so jealous but blah blah'

When a man behaves like that, it's called emotional abuse and coercive control and everyone tells the woman to phone Women's Aid and get the hell out of the house.

For the people saying I caused this I KNOW I did. I am not asking advice on what to do as the damage is done I am asking on tips to cope with the heartbreak of losing your other half. Hes my best friend. I don't want to lose him but I have and I know why I just need the tools to cope with this.

@RadishAndTwiglet the arguments were 4 over all the years. We have teens we are together a lot longer than that.

It is very sad and disappointing that you are more focused on your own loss of relationship than the fact you subjected your children and ex partner to an anger so bad that the police were called?

Please stop drinking, then have a long think about how you can improve your future.

@PineappleYikes I am not more focussed on me, he has gone and the kids went with him after I apologised to them and we chatted about it. They wanted to go to the other house with their father which is fine so I am home alone now and yes just thinking of my own self and how to get through this.

Well that's positive, OP. You both share two properties so neither of you is going to be homeless nor miserable having to live with the other. He's a good father so again, positive for your children.

Time to make some hard decisions for yourself now. Not to get him back, I really think it's over, but to make your own life happier and more content.

Oh apologies, I see you mean you've had four bad arguments over the years, I thought you'd been together for 4 years.

Well that's even worse TBH. If you've been together long enough to have teenagers together then why the fuck are you still getting insecure about his exes, for goodness sake? That's just nuts. And very exhausting for him to have to live with.

Oh dear. To be honest, I think it's rather lucky that it wasn't you packing your bags. I'm amazed you're so focused on yourself. Surely you'd lost control totally for someone to call the police, and all because you didn't get a birthday present.

@RadishAndTwiglet the arguments about his exes were years ago. 4 arguments over years - nothing recent I was pointing out how good our relationship is normally by mentioning only 4 arguments in all this time. I am probably yacking on not checking my wording as I am very emotional right now.

If you have teenagers then you have been together some time, how comes you are still worried about his exes?