Wow. What a mixed bag of replies.
Yes OP you are getting rather a hard time on here. I get you must be feeling broken right now. You’ve massively fucked up and you know that. And all these people telling you that are making you feel even worse than you already do!
FWIW this is what I think comes across:
You have teenage children and have been together in a loving and tactile relationship with barely a cross word spoken all these years and yet your partner leaves after two (albeit pretty monumental) arguments - something doesn’t add up there. Either you’re not being completely honest with MN or yourself, or your partner has been wanting to leave for some time and you’ve deluded yourself into thinking the relationship is much more loving and stable than it is in reality. People do not leave long term relationships where children are involved over just two arguments. There is more to this. You need to be honest with yourself about that. What’s really going on? You don’t have to tell MN, but you do need to understand what’s really happening.
Similarly, people do not generally get so worked up about one present being forgotten one time. I get that you like to make a big deal out of birthdays (I am the same) and you were upset because you thought he had shown a lack of care/love/thoughtfulness and you felt this wasn’t fair given how much effort you put into his recent birthday. But disappointment and alcohol to one side for the moment, to kick off to that degree two nights in a row….. again, do you see, something isn’t adding up. People generally don’t get themselves into that level of anger and upset over one forgotten gift. Something else is going on here. The drink hasn’t helped matters obviously. But Christ, that is very extreme. Ask what was this argument really about?
If I’m being truthful you come across as quite needy. And I say that kindly. It’s not meant as a criticism. You have obviously felt pretty insecure about his exes in the past. You describe him as your everything. Your language and what you describe does sound like you’re the insecure needy one in the relationship. Perhaps showering him with dinners and treatments is your way of showing how much you love him. So when he did nothing for your birthday it perhaps brought up a lot of feelings under the surface that you worry he isn’t as committed as you, that he doesn’t love you as much, that things are not equal and balanced. You need those thoughtful gestures in order to feel secure and when he didn’t bother that spoke volumes to you and confirmed your underlying worries. Maybe this explains why you got so emotional and upset about a silly birthday present. It seems immature and materialistic but perhaps the truth is that it isn’t about the gift itself, but what the gift, or lack of, says to you. And I guess that would explain why he left like that. Maybe he isn’t as committed as you and maybe deep
down you know that. And that’s what all this is about.
Perhaps I’m way off the mark. But as I’ve said and as many other posters have said, what you’ve described does not add up.
You do sound very self absorbed right now. Your children must be upset and you’ve kind of overlooked that and said it’s fine, they’ve been reassured and spoken to. But they’ve gone off with their dad and left you alone. Why? To cool off? Because they’re worried about their dad? Because they’re upset with you? I think you need to spend some time thinking about that as well.
I think instead of wallowing in pity and trying to foresee a future without your partner, you should just take one day at a time. You don’t need to have a plan right now. You do need to do some reflecting on what’s happened and why.
I hope you find some calm. Xx