Page 17 | The love of my life has just left me and I am heartbroken.

Ifuckeditallup · 2023-08-26T13:43:17+00:00

After a series of arguments, mainly caused by my about the same thing over and over again my dp has left me. He took his bags today and went. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him walk out that door. He has blocked me on fb which is the only platform either of us use and pretty much is cold as ice now although we have had to message about the kids today. Help me get over this? I loved him with all of my being and fucked it up with one last argument last night that he is not going to get over. Not ever. Aside from the recent arguments we have only had about others in our relationship. I have lost my best friend, my team mate, my lover all in the space of a day. What can I do to heal? It hurts so very much. I am dying inside right now as I type this because I dont want to tell family or friends. Im shattered. Please help me cope.

BusterGonad · 31/08/2023 01:23

Itstimetoquit · 31/08/2023 00:00

Why make a big deal about a birthday present,i dont understand why not receiving a present would lead too arguments,police being called and him leaving and all infront of the children! Its horrendous behaviour.

Because if a birthday has always been celebrated in a thoughtful and generous manner then suddenly no thought is put into it what so ever it sets alarm bells ringing. If its always been a no present affair then it is within the normal scope and not an issue. (For example if my husband always kisses me goodbye in the morning, and then he suddenly stops I would be wondering what has changed, but if your husband never kisses you goodbye then it is normal and not an issue). And you're right, it shouldn't lead to the police being called. That was the ops partner showing that he's the boss, he's the one in control. If you read what the op says the children seemed equally baffled about the need for the police presence. I do not believe for one minute that the op has a drink problem.

Itstimetoquit · 31/08/2023 15:44

I never mentioned a drinking problem,it just seems extreme over not getting a gift!

BusterGonad · 01/09/2023 09:39

Itstimetoquit · 31/08/2023 15:44

I never mentioned a drinking problem,it just seems extreme over not getting a gift!

That part I'm referring to the posters banging on about AA.

TurqoiseJasper · 12/09/2023 23:49

tolerable · 26/08/2023 16:15

Are you sober just now @Ifuckeditallup ?? Your post\replies suggest probably not or completely unhinged.
also seems like theres a huge major part of your relevant backstory missing.
Sure getting drunk,cause a scene to extent your dh at least felt the need police document it,is hellish.
Over a not-got one birthday present huff is utterly ridiculous.not that any arguement should result incall cops.
how do you heal?
how bout,some food,a bath, go to bed and sleeep-maybe your headache will wear off and you'll be a bit fresher for it.
then
Find a mirror and take a long hard look in it-without the lean to scarlett oh fi-diddly-dee-ohara.then..
get right over not getting a present.your a full grown adult-boo hiss boo. at no point does wine/alchohol ever hit a point where it exonerates being an absolute arsehole.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Step up and realise your husband and kids do NOT need to tolerate intolerable behaviour,hissy fits,and police house calls. You dont need to be a threat to be a absolute nusiance.
how do i heal from this utter heartbreak!!!!!!!!!! honestly sleep it off.

That is a very nasty, condescending response.

tolerable · 13/09/2023 01:42

@TurquoiseJasper was my auto response. within a few hours i got to-shit man,i was EXACTLY all i hate going on with it- as such i genuinely apologised.
to the op.
.sure if youve read em all yu will of got to that tho.
so-seems im not alone in condemnation.is it

TottenhamGirl · 13/09/2023 02:10

Maybe try to stop the dialogue in your head that your heart is breaking, that you’re broken, that your heart aches etc. it’s not going to make you feel any better, just perpetuating misery. Try to reframe. Acknowledge, Yes! I am sad. What can I do to make myself feel better? Go for a 20 minute power walk, have a bubble bath, paint your nails. Rather than think, Why did I do this, tell yourself - Yep! That’s a lesson learned. If you feel overwhelmed, straighten up, breathe in as much as you possibly can, hold it for as long as possible and breathe out slowly. Repeat 3 times. It resets the brain and will always make you feel better.

Every local authority has such kind addiction services. I’ve just been through it and healed so much. Good luck! X

tolerable · 13/09/2023 02:13

and
@TurquoiseJasper -...this...hi- @Ifuckeditallup . i did intend to apologise yday at my response-i realised sober up/screw your head on was unhelpful (and id of been pissed off)
Ive read through your updates, Still a bit confused.
Suspecting potential proposal all way to police,leave,final curtain surely sounds like extremes .
Given you repeatedly indicate the police were called \attended -do you think that was ott (of him?)
Leaving,cos hes angry and you both need a cool down-isnt too horrific. Why are you certain this is the END?
hes off to hols home,active with the kids and youre 2 days in break down crying.Why?
When are they returning.?a

whilst it was an actual apology-and i was genuinely introspective bout my jump right in wi big boots attitude- i then read rest of comments.....seems my awful jump gun conclusion was fairly similar assumption.i hate that too-i learned hard way-assumption is sod all like facts.I adapted-for run high emotions(both sides/kids) i didni condem or even engage in doubting n further querying any of the op updates after some sorta head to holiday home,table incident,finalised kids go back to school happy ending.(?)
as it goes-iv no clue if was anythin updated beyond that.
Maybe tis my own past experiences that actually rejects\unconvinced the facts presented were....entirely as it was. for record-i realise i coulda asked questions or -offered support...
As it goes-the updates made me query why i bothered."questioning own sanity-"i wrote it off.
I just re-read my condesending response. i shoulda left it at that.

TurqoiseJasper · 13/09/2023 02:31

tolerable · 13/09/2023 02:13

and
@TurquoiseJasper -...this...hi- @Ifuckeditallup . i did intend to apologise yday at my response-i realised sober up/screw your head on was unhelpful (and id of been pissed off)
Ive read through your updates, Still a bit confused.
Suspecting potential proposal all way to police,leave,final curtain surely sounds like extremes .
Given you repeatedly indicate the police were called \attended -do you think that was ott (of him?)
Leaving,cos hes angry and you both need a cool down-isnt too horrific. Why are you certain this is the END?
hes off to hols home,active with the kids and youre 2 days in break down crying.Why?
When are they returning.?a

whilst it was an actual apology-and i was genuinely introspective bout my jump right in wi big boots attitude- i then read rest of comments.....seems my awful jump gun conclusion was fairly similar assumption.i hate that too-i learned hard way-assumption is sod all like facts.I adapted-for run high emotions(both sides/kids) i didni condem or even engage in doubting n further querying any of the op updates after some sorta head to holiday home,table incident,finalised kids go back to school happy ending.(?)
as it goes-iv no clue if was anythin updated beyond that.
Maybe tis my own past experiences that actually rejects\unconvinced the facts presented were....entirely as it was. for record-i realise i coulda asked questions or -offered support...
As it goes-the updates made me query why i bothered."questioning own sanity-"i wrote it off.
I just re-read my condesending response. i shoulda left it at that.

Good grief !!! ???

autumniscomingsoon · 13/09/2023 02:42

Ilovelurchers · 26/08/2023 15:59

Everybody is giving the OP a hard time, but we weren't actually there, and have no idea whether his calling the police was a reasonable thing to do because he felt frightened for himself/his kids, or a manipulative act to make her out to be a drunk bully. Either could be the case.

Also people are telling her she has a drink problem, but we don't actually know this - only that she got drunk and verbally aggressive once.

I don't drink at all and am quite opposed to it actually - I have never in my life met anyone whose personality is improved by drinking - but even I know that if the definition of an alcohol problem is that you get drunk once and have a go at your partner unfairly, than a Hell of a lot of people have one!

OP, what you have described - nobody would leave their decades long relationship over this one incident. So either there are things you aren't telling us, or there are things he isn't telling you.....

Either way, hope you are ok. I think you should eat some food, go to bed, get some sleep, and see how things are looking tomorrow. Deal with the thing in front of you - it's all you can do.

I agree with this post

BusterGonad · 13/09/2023 03:53

@tolerable I can barely comprehend what you're trying to say. If anyone's been drinking then surely it's you?

thatisnotthefulltruth · 13/09/2023 05:54

Forgetting to make an effort for your birthday (and have you pay for your own birthday dinner) was callous, and he deserved being called out. Then over-dramatising the situation and himself getting (known to you) police involved for you having a go and screeching that he was selfish - what an utter over-reaction! There was no physical violence, no name-calling, and you guys rarely fight, so no prehistory of things potentially turning violent. The only reason why he did it was to shut you up, to embarrass you publicly (and punish you for calling him out). You know what could have stopped the argument in its tracks? Him admitting and apologising that he had deprioritised you and should have done better. That would have stopped it. But he wasn't contrite, he just wanted you to publicly suffer and be embarrassed for calling him out (and waste police resources).

Then the on-off drawing you in and pushing you away with the communication since he left. 'Don't talk to me', but 'this is a picture of us having fun' and 'join us at karaoke', etc. This is specifically done to make you question yourself, and to keep you mentally occupied. Again, it is manipulative and punitive, and will make you question your sanity. Moreover, with you engaging with him (based on his few positive interactions with you), he can call you out for not respecting his 'boundaries', again allowing him to paint you as abusive. Only communicate in writing from now on in one medium, so you cover yourself. Keep it short, factual, and only child/household admin urgency based.

Then the 'you must be drunk' in a genuine accident in the pub, while he knows you aren't (and apparently considered you still capable enough to supervise his daughter).

From where I am sitting this does not sound good. This man is not acting like your best friend and love of your life. He has been escalating this situation at every opportunity, where de-escalation was possible, and has consistently attributed the blame publicly to you. And has successfully convinced you, that you are at fault, because you got emotional. You losing your composure twice is just shrapnel in the war of attrition he is waging here. And you are here, being all regretful and sad, just hoping to turn things around, ignoring all these alarm bells.

This man is 100% manipulating you, whatever his agenda is. You cannot trust him and should second-guess his actions and words. He is painting you poorly in both your communities (your circle of friends will undoubtedly soon be informed too of your 'transgressions'), and in front of your kids, and the question is for what purpose. Please lawyer up, and start seeing the bigger picture here.

Your relationship is broken, but not for the reason you think it is.

RandomForest · 13/09/2023 19:21

thatisnotthefulltruth · 13/09/2023 05:54

Forgetting to make an effort for your birthday (and have you pay for your own birthday dinner) was callous, and he deserved being called out. Then over-dramatising the situation and himself getting (known to you) police involved for you having a go and screeching that he was selfish - what an utter over-reaction! There was no physical violence, no name-calling, and you guys rarely fight, so no prehistory of things potentially turning violent. The only reason why he did it was to shut you up, to embarrass you publicly (and punish you for calling him out). You know what could have stopped the argument in its tracks? Him admitting and apologising that he had deprioritised you and should have done better. That would have stopped it. But he wasn't contrite, he just wanted you to publicly suffer and be embarrassed for calling him out (and waste police resources).

Then the on-off drawing you in and pushing you away with the communication since he left. 'Don't talk to me', but 'this is a picture of us having fun' and 'join us at karaoke', etc. This is specifically done to make you question yourself, and to keep you mentally occupied. Again, it is manipulative and punitive, and will make you question your sanity. Moreover, with you engaging with him (based on his few positive interactions with you), he can call you out for not respecting his 'boundaries', again allowing him to paint you as abusive. Only communicate in writing from now on in one medium, so you cover yourself. Keep it short, factual, and only child/household admin urgency based.

Then the 'you must be drunk' in a genuine accident in the pub, while he knows you aren't (and apparently considered you still capable enough to supervise his daughter).

From where I am sitting this does not sound good. This man is not acting like your best friend and love of your life. He has been escalating this situation at every opportunity, where de-escalation was possible, and has consistently attributed the blame publicly to you. And has successfully convinced you, that you are at fault, because you got emotional. You losing your composure twice is just shrapnel in the war of attrition he is waging here. And you are here, being all regretful and sad, just hoping to turn things around, ignoring all these alarm bells.

This man is 100% manipulating you, whatever his agenda is. You cannot trust him and should second-guess his actions and words. He is painting you poorly in both your communities (your circle of friends will undoubtedly soon be informed too of your 'transgressions'), and in front of your kids, and the question is for what purpose. Please lawyer up, and start seeing the bigger picture here.

Your relationship is broken, but not for the reason you think it is.

Edited

Nailed it.