The love of my life has just left me and I am heartbroken.

[Ifuckeditallup]

After a series of arguments, mainly caused by my about the same thing over and over again my dp has left me. He took his bags today and went. My heart shattered into a million pieces watching him walk out that door. He has blocked me on fb which is the only platform either of us use and pretty much is cold as ice now although we have had to message about the kids today.

Help me get over this? I loved him with all of my being and fucked it up with one last argument last night that he is not going to get over. Not ever. Aside from the recent arguments we have only had about others in our relationship. I have lost my best friend, my team mate, my lover all in the space of a day. What can I do to heal? It hurts so very much. I am dying inside right now as I type this because I dont want to tell family or friends. Im shattered. Please help me cope.

Unless some moron is going to pipe up that ex-dp paid the woman to bump into her.

I wouldn't put it past someone at this rate.

RadishAndTwiglet I think you’re overthinking this. Two evenings of arguments. Not a few days. No children colluding. That’s quite a leap. This woman is obviously in bits and you’re being quite unpleasant. Partner’s behaviour is very odd. I’m going to suggest you’ve never been in an abusive relationship and therefore can’t see the red flags. And if that is the case then I hope it gives you no pleasure to know that you effectively called this woman a liar and a fraud. Well done you.

I don't think anyone thinks the DC are colluding.

I mean he definitely is gaslighting her. Taking her to a karaoke bar and buying a round. It would be insane if he genuinely thought she has a drink problem.

No children colluding. That’s quite a leap

Oh for goodness sake I don't think the children are colluding! That's my whole point! In order for this cunning plan of her supposedly manipulative partner's to work (calling the police on her for no good reason, pretending she was being aggressively out of control, accusing her of being drunk in the karaoke bar when the children would have witnessed that she's had no booze at all) they would have had to be colluding with him. They are not babies. He can't pull their wool over their eyes about the severity of her behaviour when they were there to see it themselves. Unless they side with their dad already over their mum's behaviour this would never have worked and they'd be questioning what on earth he was up to.

So my conclusion is that either none of this happened, or some/all of it did happen but the OP is not being entirely honest with us about her part in it all.

I think everyone else is agreed the DC just wanted Wi-Fi. What is your problem @RadishAndTwiglet?

Unfortunately this has happened and this is currently my life. Not a sound from him all day although he did message dc earlier.

Basically she bumped into me and kept walking and i knocked over the drinks, as he was flapping about cos there was beer and coke all over the table she turned around realised what happened and mouthed sorry to me but she had been previously very loud so thats why i called her lairy. Then he looked at me and said 'ffs the drinks all knocked over, have you been drinking'? I looked shocked cos I wouldnt have even had time to have a drink and he just looked at me disgusted and up and left. 2 went with him cos they wanted wifi and the other stayed to do a song on karaoke.

Wow some really unpleasant people on here, who are probably doing quite a bit of projection! Stay strong OP.

I think everyone else is agreed the DC just wanted Wi-Fi. What is your problem @RadishAndTwiglet?

This isn't just about the night where two of the kids wanted to go back home with their dad for the WIFI though. It's about the whole thing. If this man was setting his wife up to look like a woman with a drink problem and anger issues why on earth aren't these 'logical, intelligent' teenagers standing up to him over it? Why go off with him the morning after the police were called, if their mother had done absolutely nothing wrong and they didn't think their dad was justified in needing some space?

The OP started this thread fully admitting that SHE had started a series of arguments about his exes over the years because of her insecurity, and in the last few days, while drunk, she had started a couple of arguments over her lack of birthday gift. The police had been called to calm HER down after SHE had re-ignited an earlier argument after coming home even more drunk after a night out. Her husband then told her in the morning that he'd had enough and was leaving.

That was it. At no point did she suggest she felt that she was being unfairly treated, lied about or emotionally abused by him, and at no point did she paint her husband as anything other than reasonable and her marriage as anything other than happy, except that to say that he'd made an error of judgement over choosing her birthday present and she'd ended up with nothing on the day itself.

After 10 pages of posters telling her that no grown man needs to feel threatened by a shouty drunk woman and she had every right to be furious about the birthday present, and is she absolutely sure that she isn't actually the victim here, rather than the one who behaved badly? Because it sounds to them like he was probably setting her up to look like an unfit mother with a drink problem. Suddenly the thread changes course and this apparently fantastic man by all accounts, who isn't here to explain himself is called a 'cunt', a 'narc', using his children as 'flying monkeys' in part of a master plan to paint the OP as difficult to live with, so that he can leave her.

No way would this thread have taken such a turn, with the OP ending up with all the sympathy and all the benefit of the doubt, had the OP been a man and his partner a woman. Absolutely no way in hell.

That, in a nutshell, is my problem. It's such bullshit hypocrisy. And no, I am not a man.

Actually, my apologies, I don't think anyone used the phrase flying monkeys on this thread, I am getting mixed up with another one involving the OP's children, but my point still remains.

Yes, I agree with that post as well. He bought nothing for your birthday although you are well off financially. He called the police when you were drunk and shouting - seems an over reaction to me. No small children were at risk in any way.

I’m sorry but it looks to me as though he’s seized the opportunity to leave after not bothering to treat you on your birthday.

RadishAndTwiglet

This isn't just about the night where two of the kids wanted to go back home with their dad for the WIFI though. It's about the whole thing. If this man was setting his wife up to look like a woman with a drink problem and anger issues why on earth aren't these 'logical, intelligent' teenagers standing up to him over it? Why go off with him the morning after the police were called, if their mother had done absolutely nothing wrong and they didn't think their dad was justified in needing some space?

Why aren’t they standing up to him? Well maybe because they adore him. maybe because the OP told her partner to take them off with him. I’m guessing you’ve never been married to a narc..? Narcs are plausible and charming and very very likeable and often go completely undetected for years and years by those who are nearest and dearest. I’m not actually saying that YOU are saying the children are colluding. Clearly you think the OP is being less than honest and the partner has had enough of her drunkenness and her petulance. But you’re saying the other posters, like me, who are saying the partner’s motives are less than pure and how he is possibly setting her up to leave with some engineered situations which seem quite strange, you’re asking how can we be saying this as then surely the children would have to be in cahoots? That’s the leap I’m referring to. That you’re assuming we must therefore understand that the children MuST be colluding or else it cannot make sense. Well I don’t agree. I don’t think the children are colluding and I think you’ve made a leap of faith to come to the conclusion that this is the only possible scenario if he is setting her up.

And she is not saying “she did absolutely nothing wrong”. Again another embellishment! We have all said her behaviour was really shit and she has completely acknowledged that.

That was it. At no point did she suggest she felt that she was being unfairly treated, lied about or emotionally abused by him, and at no point did she paint her husband as anything other than reasonable and her marriage as anything other than happy, except that to say that he'd made an error of judgement over choosing her birthday present and she'd ended up with nothing on the day itself.

But that’s just it! If she were completely in love with this man to the point of being quite terrified to lose him then she may well paint a picture of a happy marriage. Sometimes it takes an outside view to make you question things.

Genuinely I think you need to step back from this thread as you may well be doing more harm than good. If I am wrong then so be it. But at least I know I haven’t told a possibly vulnerable woman whose partner is doing some very odd shit from the sound of it to basically suck it up and stop lying to us all. Honestly I am glad you’re not my friend. This woman came on here broken asking for advice and this is your response. Your responses are really quite unpleasant.

Alcoholics can be in abusive relationships, they are not always the antagonists, but their reactive behaviour can label them as the problem.

Many on here believe this is a cuckholded man, with a controlling drunken wife.

We just don't know.

We know it's turned into quite a toxic situation very quickly from what the op has told us, from expecting him to propose to having the police called on her.
I agree somethings amiss, nothing is clear at this stage but it's entirely possible that the op doesn't understand what dynamic she is in, or maybe she does know and is highly manipulative.

I suppose both views should be explored.

Well he has messaged me this evening about the kids. Just asking have I got them sorted for back to school etc and do I need him to do anything. I said no as it was mainly done over summer anyway just shoes and stuff today which has been done. That was it, no mention of anything that has happened at all.

I think the children aspect for those assuming they are intellegent teens and should know the situation and whose side they should be on is unreliable.

Anyone in an abusive relationship knows full well how an abuser can appear to be the innocent party to the outside world and in front of his own children.

Again in could be either scenario.

So that looks good on paper.

He doesn't sound interested in talking about your relationship then.

Just to be on the safe side, don't message him back with any angry respnses if he is ignoring you or being indifferent, is his silence liable to provoke you and make you angry or upset ?

It has done before but today I cannot be arsed to be honest. I just said all was done and that was it. Im too confused to even think about getting annoyed at him.

This thread has been royally confusing I imagine. Started with everyone saying what you did was despicable and you should be ashamed (you agreed). Then people came on and said hang on this is all very odd. It sounds as if he is manipulating you and has been planning to leave for a while. Then pile on a load of other people accusing you of being untruthful because your story didn’t add up and surely the kids would have said something….. honestly OP it doesn’t matter what anyone on MN says. You need to take some time away from here. Prioritise your children and your mental health. It seems your partner wants to repel you one minute but then draw you in the next. These games must be doing your head in and MN is not helping! Reply to him in short factual statements only. Don’t be rude. Don’t get emotional and do not meet for drinks!! Give no ammunition whatsoever. And get off bloody MN!! 😀

Get through this week. Cry on some friends or family at the weekend. Get some sleep. Eat well. Get some exercise and fresh air when you can. Find some inner peace if you can. X

Your kids sound pretty nonplussed by the whole thing. Have they seen it all before?

Grey rock is your friend. Cut him off.

@DameCurlyBassey my kids are teenagers. They are more interested in themselves than anything else but no they do not witness this normally..

@pickledandpuzzled that is what I am doing. He messaged me last night with a question about their phone contracts and I got them to message him back individually instead.

ANyway unless anythihng big happens I may not come back to this thread for my own sanity if nothing else. Thank you for letting me vent.

I hope you are ok OP. I think stepping away is a good idea. The trolls defy logic. Please be kind to yourself. I can see and so can others that you are doing the best you can for your DC

Wishing you safety and peace x

I find it puzzling that a man with enough money to own a holiday home relies entirely on one credit card, no cash, no debit card no apple pay or whatever is used via the mobile phone, so cannot buy his partner a present, pay for her birthday dinner but then miraculously can then go on to provide the kids with a Disney dad day out the following day! Wow. Just wow. He sounds like he's playing you op. I've been ranting whilst drunk many a time in my youth (and not too far back!), I've experienced others ranting. Not once have I experienced anyone calling the police out. He's up to something and I think he wants to paint you in a bad light and take the kids. He's let the town know you're a 'drunk', he's letting the seaside town you own a home at that you're a drunk. He's out to get you. You're an easy target as you hold him up on a pedistall.

My heart goes out to you. You must be so confused.

I'm sorry to say, I too think that he's been playing you for whatever reason.

As for some of the responses you've had, they've been brutal and despicable. They must be so hard for you to have to read on top of the pain you are already going through - I'm sad to live in a world that has people like that in it.

Speak to someone who cares about you. Speak to a counsellor.

Take care of yourself.

Why make a big deal about a birthday present,i dont understand why not receiving a present would lead too arguments,police being called and him leaving and all infront of the children! Its horrendous behaviour.