Fiance said i am #3 in line, behind his business #1 and mother and sister #2

[Uktousa2022]

I mean I sort of get it, we are not married yet, and he said the business is #1 because "its going to give us the life we want" - but would you be offended?

i was until I said to him, would you want that for your sister, for her partner to put his sister before your sister, and he thought and said it will be different when we are married and go on to have kids of course etc. Just thought it was odd!

Do not marry this man. If you are not his no. 1 as a fiancée, you most certainly won't be when you are married. Run, don't walk. Value yourself, he doesn't.

Your latest updates are worrying. Don't marry him! He is already refusing to acknowledge what your wants and needs might be, or even that you have any. Does he expect you to live with his aggressive dog?

You are lucky, in a way, that he has let this slip before marrying him. Do yourself a massive favour and hand him back to his mother. Let him have her, his sister and his aggressive dog. Walk away and put yourself first.

When I was engaged DH definitely became No. 1 in my life. I don't really see how anyone can think otherwise.

I also can't imagine being anything other than delighted if my son finds someone he loves and wants to spend his life with. So far as I'm concerned, anyone who has the good taste to love my son is automatically extremely welcome into our family, and of course I expect my son to put her (or him) first.

It was already bad enough but it gets worse...

So not only does he expect you to put up with him putting his business, mother, sister and the bloody dog ahead of you, he is now expecting you to give up your job and all your friends in order to relocate to be with him?

What kind of a lifestyle choice is that? Is that really what you want?

OP, he takes you completely for granted. You not only come behind his dog, his mum, his job, his sister and anyone else he can think of, but he also wants you to give up your career and move fuck knows where away from your family and friends, in order to play second fiddle to his dog?

You realise you’ll be responsible for all walking and care of this dog, while he’s doing his Important Man Job, and running after his mummy?

This is a disaster. He doesn’t want a partner, he wants a supporting cast member in the Him Show.

Only thing that should come before a fiance are any kids.

@Uktousa2022
How many partners have you or has he had in his adult life. If it is more than one, why would you place them above your blood relatives before you are married.
That number one spot becomes pretty fluid if it changes every time you get a new partner.

Would you have him say every time a relationship ends " hey mom and sis, guess what " you are back on top again

Some topics of conversation are pointless.. If a man loves and treats you well, do you really care about some kind of nonsensical pecking order?

I wouldn't marry anyone who put either their business, or their mother, or their sister ahead of me.

I think I’d take it as a warning shot OP. I would be on my guard. My DH def put his family before me at first, but as time went on this slowly shifted to putting us first. Is this happening? Marriage won’t flick a switch. Why are you even engaged if you’re not his priority? I’d put the breaks on.

Have you set a date?

So the relationship is over now? Because why would you stay with him after that revelation?

Bullshit anything will change when you get married. And do you think when you give him ring back he will wake up Monday and think oh I should get an easier job which will give me more time now I am not doing it all for uktousa? No fucking chance. None of it is for you, and he will put his energy time and caring into his business and his mum and his dog and you will be expected to put yours into him to enable this; and nobody will be there for you, nobody will put any effort or priority on how you feel or making you happy.

Give him the ring back op, and be glad you haven’t given up your job and relocated. Tell him you are going to wait for someone who will be a partner with you, not a taker, and it’s better you free up his life to focus on his priorities in it, which doesn’t include you.

This is what I'd tell my daughter along with the fact she is choosing a life of disappointment and sadness to marry a man like this.

We had some ups and downs but ultimately my DH prioritised me, òur life and our happiness before we were engaged. He made it very clearby his actions that his future was with me and my hapiness was a priority for him.
This isnt normal- he is telling younwho he is. Believe him.

Imagine looking back on this moment in 10 years' time. You'll know you were warned and wish you'd got out.

Wow, he’s shoved a massive red flag in your face and you’re oblivious.

This... I have the T-shirt

Why would he tell you the list of what's important to him? Especially when you are not even in the top 3?

Is he one of those "just being honest people" who says what they like with little regard for others feelings.

Was he trying to put you in your place?

If you were dating a few months then yes you would expect to be behind family who he's loved his whole life. But this man plans to marry you . If he wants to spend the rest of his life with you then he should love you more than work and at least on a par if not more than family.

What if his feelings don't change because you sign a document tying you together financially? Would you be happy being the 5th most important thing in his life? And presumably dropping lower if you have kids.

Would it mean when you are making decisions as a family he would value his mums opinion over yours? Would he not back you?

If you have kids will he parent 50/50 or will career come first leaving you holding the baby at the expense of your career?

I'd be wary of marrying someone who didn't put me first (unless they have kids) it doesn't bode well for your future.

Well not really she's asked the question

Gross 🤮 do not marry this goon.

The fact that he expects you to put him before yourself is astonishing. Who the fuck does this little Prince think he is?!

Don’t marry him when you’re not his priority

Really....really..dont marry this person.

The mother thing - absolutely not. This is all kinds of messed up

The job coming first and being prioritised over yours is another no. Who wants the lifestyle when you've been stripped of every bit of agency to get there?

Once you get married and have children, the children will come next in the pecking order and you'll be reduced to cleaner/carer.

Just do not do this!

@Uktousa2022 I would laugh only it's not funny.

I'm can well imagine you are young and feel in love with him,but please trust the many many women here who have seen this behaviour and ensured the consequences as a result.

What would you say to a sister or future daughter who's been told the same thing? Please don't go any further with him.

He's showing you who (or what) he is! It will never get any better and you will end up miserable. Run a mile.

The job/business thing is just as much of a red flag as the mum thing. I would be very wary of marrying someone with their own business, even without the attitude to go with it.

What kind of lifestyle do you want? For me is is a co-parent and equal partner who is a team player about child sickness, holiday cover and keeping everything running.