Fiance said i am #3 in line, behind his business #1 and mother and sister #2

[Uktousa2022]

I mean I sort of get it, we are not married yet, and he said the business is #1 because "its going to give us the life we want" - but would you be offended?

i was until I said to him, would you want that for your sister, for her partner to put his sister before your sister, and he thought and said it will be different when we are married and go on to have kids of course etc. Just thought it was odd!

I wouldn't marry anyone who put their mum and sister above me in the pecking order. Not a chance. Is he a mummy's boy??

Please don't tell me you still want to marry him?

How did this conversation come up?

We was watching the Ultimatium on netflix - and he had a few drinks. He said it was only like that because we are not married yet...

Yes he is. But don't you think blood is thicker than water if we are not married yet? although i sort of think a true man would put his partner first.

"the life we want" or the life he wants?

You're not 3rd anyway, you're 5th. Business, lifestyle, mother, sister, you.

I wouldn't put up with that.

Well he actually said the life I want, but I think thats BS

Jeeezus… you’re going to be filling up the AIBU threads with tales of horrible in-laws any minute now.
DON’T DO IT.

Strange he felt the need to tell you. It’s as if he wants you to know your place. How long have you been together?

How do you get on with his mum and sister?

I am either the first choice and priority or nothing to you.
Don't accept less than you deserve.

Yeah sure it will be different when you’re married. My advice would be to raise your standards.

He's not a keeper.

Massive flag! You will always be 2nd/ 3rd best. You will hate it. Don’t marry him. Find someone who will put you first

There you are then. This is your life as I see it:

He is expecting you to put him first, then his business and the support it needs to create the lifestyle he wants, then his relatives, with yourself last. Give it a few years, and you'll have to insert children and housekeeping into that list ahead of you as well.

He might say his priorities towards his mother and sister will change once you're married, but I bet they won't be at all that thrilled with him if he bumps them down the list.

Give him his ring back.

I wouldn't dream of marrying a man who viewed me like that.

Foolish woman if you do, at least he's been honest.

I wouldn't be marrying someone unless I was happy with where we were. I wouldn't be hoping/expecting marriage to change anyone. It's too big a bet to take in my opinion

Don't marry a mummy's boy. Just don't. Nothing good ever comes from marrying one. Plus this one is clearly weirdly enmeshed with his sister too. Ick.

I think he let it slip by mistake judging by the BS about her position ( 🤮 ) changing after marriage.

You will never be a priority to him op, he will never put you on top.

The actual saying is, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

So the relationships you choose for yourself are stronger than the family relationships you arbitrarily ended up born into.

He clearly doesn’t think this though, so I’d run a mile and leave him to his mum and sister.

Leave.

If you're not #1 priority already then you'll never be. Marriage has nothing to do with it.

Are you living together?

We was watching TV and I think I said something like I want to always be number 1 and then thats when he said it. I know when he proposed his mum was feeling worked up, and he told me its because she is used to being number one woman in his life and its a big adjustment for her...

I’m not sure why being married makes a difference - it’s about how you feel about someone/something isn’t it?

But I actually don’t think this is a thing anyway - the whole thing depends on context. His mother having a heart attack vs picking you up from the hairdresser? Working late vs your wedding anniversary? His sister’s birthday vs a work trip? It’s all case-by-case, not a fixed priority list.

His mother is used to being the No 1 woman in his life?

Bloody hell woman, run a mile! She will be the MIL from hell.