Fiance said i am #3 in line, behind his business #1 and mother and sister #2

[Uktousa2022]

I mean I sort of get it, we are not married yet, and he said the business is #1 because "its going to give us the life we want" - but would you be offended?

i was until I said to him, would you want that for your sister, for her partner to put his sister before your sister, and he thought and said it will be different when we are married and go on to have kids of course etc. Just thought it was odd!

I wouldn’t be with anyone who played these stupid games in the first place!

I get that you were watching some shit tv but honestly I couldn’t be in a relationship that played along with this shit.

He’s now got the forever get out to ALWAYS treat you like shit because “I told you <literally everyone and everything else> is higher priority than you.

when someone shows you who they are FUCKING LISTEN @Uktousa2022

😂😂😂😂😂

This really made me laugh…

But seriously OP - this is beyond weird! Getting married will change nothing.

We was watching TV and I think I said something like I want to always be number 1 and then thats when he said it. I know when he proposed his mum was feeling worked up, and he told me its because she is used to being number one woman in his life and its a big adjustment for her...

You both sound ridiculous. You said you want to be ‘number 1’. And then he said his mum is used to being number 1 and you’re number 3. 😬 It’s like primary school when the alpha kids decide who gets to call themselves their ‘best friend’.

My advice would be to run from both him and his weird mother. And then work on your self esteem. Don’t end up with anyone who has a hierarchy of his loved ones, it’s just not a healthy way to think. There’s a place for a partner, children, parents, siblings, friends. Relationships with each are different and are all important. If you stay with this man, life will be constant competing for his attention. Men like this love being the one everyone wants. I can’t see the attraction.

After that comment I'd be putting him approx 8,000,000,000 th...literally the last person in the world.

Don't marry anyone who won't make you a priority. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of in-law wars with him firmly on their side. Mummy's boys are no prizes. Now is the time to get out, not down the line when you have kids and a divorce to deal with.

What a strange way of thinking. My family members have equal priority , I wouldn’t give my partner, children or parents a number in order of importance- how strange.

What a strange thing to say to you.

I mean if your type is a mummy's boy and can live with her rooted deeply in your married life then it's all good.

Can you imagine what it'd be like if you had children... yikes!

If you marry him you'll regret it.

Oh my god is he serious? Sounds like him and mommy got one weird relationship. You are never going to come before her, you know that right? And if you do marry him I guarantee you'll be back posting on here about how awful your mil is. I'd do a very quick run in the opposite direction if I was you

I really don't think you should let yourself in for a lifetime of coming way down his pecking order. It will demoralise you every time his feelings about who/what is important manifest themselves.

I can sort of understand about the business but not his Mum and definitely not his sister!

His mum might struggle with no longer being his number one woman, but he has to be willing and capable of showing her gently that that is the way things are now. That's my idea of marriage anyway.

It sounds like he hasn't fully got his head around what being a husband or a wife truly means.

My ds turned round (when he was drunk) and told me I was the most important person in his life. Don’t think his fiancée was very happy hearing that. I told him he was an idiot and that she is the most important person in his life, so he better make it up to her, as I wasn’t having him back to live with me!

Hiya - yes it was an odd thing to say looking back, that its an adjustment for her, like get over yourself lol. What do you mean by serve him and his mum? it all sounds so weird. I know he wants to earn enough to stop her working too. she told me wants he wants to earn enough the maximum he can to look after his family. ODD

To be fair, I think he knows that his mum is OTT and I do think he will put her in her place. For eg, when we are at social gatherings he is by my side, and when she comes along (and only speaks to him not me) he can notice it etc.

I mean he has literally told you that you are not a priority for him ...

Seriously, what more do you need to hear?

This will not end well for you. I was #3 in my (thankfully) now ex-husband's pecking order.
I thought it would change once we got married but it didn't, in fact it got worse. I vowed to myself to never been anything but #1 in the future. You deserve better.

I never knew that was the actual saying! You learn something new everyday (and see the phrase in a completely different light!)

Absolutely. OP, listen to him.

If you're engaged you should be first on his list now.

Ditch him

Ask him...

You’ve got to put your spouse first, it’s the only way it works.

Run

The business I kinda get if it’s for a temporary amount of time etc. while it starts to establish itself but I’d be pissed off if my husband said I was below his mother and sister!!!!! My husband is definitely my #1 person until baby arrives in January eeekkkkk!

This obsession with ranking is weird between him and his mum. It’s really not healthy, OP, and it really won’t improve if you marry.

I have an adult son. We are close and I mean a lot to him.

In a fire, I know he’d save his children first, then his wife, then me. I’m happy with that.
(obviously we’d all be trying to save ourselves, it’s just a simple analogy)

Run. She is going to be a nightmare, and he is going to pander to her.