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Original poster

Boyfriend asked me to make a decision on our relationship "before Q4"

197 replies

NamrChangeForPrivacyPurposes · 24/08/2023 17:40

Regular on this board but NCed because I don't want this post to be associated with my regular posting history. I am in real need of advice.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is 36 and I am 28. We don't live together. We've had our ups and downs, but recently we were getting into a lot of silly arguments and misunderstandings. I felt he wasn't making an effort to understand my point of view, he didn't express his feelings, and didn't prioritize our relationship over other commitments.

This culminated into an argument a few days ago, which for me was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him that I needed to take some space away from him to think about whether our relationship is sustainable. I thought that a bit of space was going to give us both time to reflect on our feelings. In the moment he agreed to my request.

However, the next day he told me that from October onwards his job was going to be stressful and therefore "he would appreciate if I could let him know what I want to do with our relationship before the beginning of Q4".

I am floored. I feel like he is treating me like an annoying colleague and that this reaction shows that he doesn't love me and he doesn't care whether we stay together or not.

Am I overreacting or is this as bad as I think it is?

Thanks

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 25/08/2023 17:51

@rockpoolingtogether
However stupid the language, it is not an unreasonable message.

Greensleeves · 25/08/2023 17:56

I...would struggle to stop laughing for long enough to enunciate the words "get to fuck"

Wasabiaddiction · 25/08/2023 18:28

I know this is irrelevant to the issue in this thread.
But just wanted to say this reminds me of a boys 6th birthday invitation where the mother chased me to "revert" by the next day.

Aprilx · 26/08/2023 08:52

The misandry on this thread is mind boggling. All he did was say "Q4" which is a bit odd but it is hardly crime of the decade and it doesn't make him an arse and it is not much worse than "think about whether our relationship is sustainable" anyway. OP is the one that is messing him around here and he is rightly making it clear there is a time frame.

daisychain01 · 26/08/2023 10:23

Aprilx · 26/08/2023 08:52

The misandry on this thread is mind boggling. All he did was say "Q4" which is a bit odd but it is hardly crime of the decade and it doesn't make him an arse and it is not much worse than "think about whether our relationship is sustainable" anyway. OP is the one that is messing him around here and he is rightly making it clear there is a time frame.

Just because something isn't "the crime of the decade" doesn't mean that the person isn't being up their own arse and taking themselves way too seriously.

It just happens to be a bloke this time.

If it were a woman instead, they would still be up their own arse - I mean who on earth thinks like that when talking to their other half about their relationship. It's a sign they aren't invested and can't be bothered to make an effort. I bet if the relationship was really high stakes to them they would pick their words better.

Starlightstarbright2 · 26/08/2023 10:39

What he actually telling you .

He has no plans to change.. he is telling you . He wants an answer and you won’t even be his prioritiy he is going to be busy .

cheesecroissant · 26/08/2023 11:07

Tell him you will circle back.

cheesecroissant · 26/08/2023 11:07

And then drill down.

GCAcademic · 26/08/2023 11:55

Dear dickhead

In order to maximise performance for Q4, this is a heads-up that some streamlining of resource will be necessary in order for me to achieve optimal efficiency. In leveraging this breakup, kindly liaise with yourself to ensure that removal of all belongings from my property is actioned. I hope you will give this matter 110% as it is mission critical for me, going forward.

Kind regards,

OP

aboutbloodytime123 · 26/08/2023 14:25

I wouldn't have a problem with it - but I'm not you! I don't think it's fair to give him a kicking over this but the fact is you don't seem to like him so there's your answer.

PineConeOrDogPoo · 26/08/2023 17:37

ErrolTheDragon · 24/08/2023 18:04

I think you can deliver on this one ahead of schedule.

🤣🤣🤣

Ponderingwindow · 26/08/2023 17:46

It’s august. He wants to resolve this before a busy period at work that is plenty of time away. The people who find his use of quick, practical language off-putting come off as very childish.

that really doesn’t matter though. You are only 18 months in. The relationship should be easy. You can have the occasional issue, but they should be small and simple to resolve. They aren’t, so it’s time to move on.

blacksax · 26/08/2023 21:57

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 24/08/2023 21:02

He sounds efficient and grown up compared to most of Mumsnets' partners! 🤣🤣

Nah. He's a knob.

Sayitaintso33 · 27/08/2023 06:41

I think it is quite an effective power grab.

You want drama.

He wants efficiency and has therefore imposed a time limit. He has also left you confused about your next move whilst making it clear he isn't making any more moves.

Alwaysdecorating · 27/08/2023 06:49

He very might well be a knob.

But if he said ‘you need to make a decision by October’ would that make it any better.

To be honest, if dp said he needed space and wanted over a month to make his mind up, I would ditch him this quarter 😂

Q4 of the calandar year is my favourite. I wouldn’t start it with unresolved tasks from Q3 😉

Fenellapitstop · 27/08/2023 07:02

I think, this early in if the pair of you are not happy of comfortable with the communication, and work lingo would get right on my tits. That maybe this has run its course. It's time to get rid

JennyJenny8675309 · 11/10/2023 07:02

enjoyingscience · 24/08/2023 18:17

Bleugh.

Yes, that would be it for me. My vagina would cease trading immediately.

😆🤣😂

JennyJenny8675309 · 11/10/2023 07:06

I’m really enjoying some of the comments on this thread. 😀

Brocollimatilda · 11/10/2023 07:25

i know it’s an oldie but now it’s Q4 what did you decide OP?

TBH I think his request was fair enough even if expressed twatishly. Hanging around for ages while someone made their mind up wouldn’t really work for me.

JumalanTerve · 11/10/2023 12:59

Not only is he communicating like ChatGPT, if he is as committed to his career as he claims he should know that financial quarters vary between companies, so how on earth are you supposed to know when he means

2catsandhappy · 12/10/2023 19:28

@NamrChangeForPrivacyPurposes how did it all work out in the end op?

rantinglunatic · 12/10/2023 20:52

Oh my God!!! You cannot live with this man!

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