Boyfriend asked me to make a decision on our relationship "before Q4"

[NamrChangeForPrivacyPurposes]

Regular on this board but NCed because I don't want this post to be associated with my regular posting history. I am in real need of advice.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is 36 and I am 28. We don't live together. We've had our ups and downs, but recently we were getting into a lot of silly arguments and misunderstandings. I felt he wasn't making an effort to understand my point of view, he didn't express his feelings, and didn't prioritize our relationship over other commitments.

This culminated into an argument a few days ago, which for me was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him that I needed to take some space away from him to think about whether our relationship is sustainable. I thought that a bit of space was going to give us both time to reflect on our feelings. In the moment he agreed to my request.

However, the next day he told me that from October onwards his job was going to be stressful and therefore "he would appreciate if I could let him know what I want to do with our relationship before the beginning of Q4".

I am floored. I feel like he is treating me like an annoying colleague and that this reaction shows that he doesn't love me and he doesn't care whether we stay together or not.

Am I overreacting or is this as bad as I think it is?

Thanks

It's not unreasonable for either person in a relationship to want to know where they stand, but un-ironic use of 'Q4' is grounds for instant dismissal.

I was about to type the exact same words

What a bell.

Get in the bin!

This.

You asked for space, and he's making clear that he's not doing the pick-me dance. Fair enough.

@NamrChangeForPrivacyPurposes
Does it really matter what language he uses. You wanted space and he put a time parameter around the space. If you find his language so offensive that you want to end the relationship, you have your answer.There is no need to critique his verbiage. Just tell him that it is over.

It doesn't sound as though either of you will grieve the end of this relationship for very long.

😂
Hoping a sitcom writer is lurking and steals this conversation.

Oh the grounds of misconduct.

TBF it sounds like he is ready to commit and wants you to get off the fence. That's reasonable after more than a year together.

His choice of language is annoying but his wanting clarity about a possible future is understandable.

Yous sound to be very different people at different stages on your lives. I think you need to accept this and move on.

You've only been together for a year and a half. Trust me, it doesn't get better, it gets worse with time. This is the honeymoon period. If he doesn't prioritise you or care about your perspective now he isn't going to do that in the future. The asking for an answer before Q4 was a fair question. He's putting a timescale on things. However, he is treating you like a colleague/ business associate rather than a partner. IMHO, I'd ditch the prick. Life's too short.

It sounds like it already over - or it should be.

Don't mess about - it will make it harder for you both.

If I was about to be super-stressed at work for months on end and the person with whom I am supposed to be in a rmutually-supportive relationship announced that they want some indefinite "time out", I'd be asking them to make a decision. The language was weird, but the sentiment of not wanting to be left hanging-about when already under pressure is understandable.

This so called relationship sounds like hard work. It shouldn't be like this.

He sounds efficient and grown up compared to most of Mumsnets' partners! 🤣🤣

What relationship?

You're only eighteen months in, it's not supposed to be this stressful.

Get it over with and start looking for someone more suitable.

This sums it up perfectly. You are 28, the world is full of eligible men who are a better fit for you.

Relationships this new should not be this hard, especially if you don’t live together, don’t have kids etc.

honestly @NamrChangeForPrivacyPurposes you KNOW he’s not right for you.

at your age you need to get out of this relationship now and look for someone who is right for you.

Agreed on the fact that he is treating me like a colleague. Which is hilarious when you consider that he has a female manager whom he idolizes, speaks about constantly and treats far more warmly than this from what I can see

Unfortunately that is the same conclusion I am getting to.

This 🤣🤣

Aaaaaaaaand there's your answer.

That's because he respects her and treats her as an equal. You on the other hand are a subordinate.

Tell him you're making him redundant ahead of Q4.

Of course you need to make a decision. You can't keep somebody hanging on. Does sound like the relationship is on its way out and he wants closure not left dangling while you make a decision.

You mean you did well in your career as nobody wanted to date or have sex with such a self-absorbed snob?

I’d not heard this term until yesterday when I listened to the latest episode of the Newly Weds podcast. Jamie’s brother in law talks about when he was trying to fend off proposal questions and blurted out “IT’LL HAPPEN IN Q4”. It was quite funny on the podcast.

Perhaps your BF has been listening to the podcast and thought it would be funny?