Boyfriend asked me to make a decision on our relationship "before Q4"

[NamrChangeForPrivacyPurposes]

Regular on this board but NCed because I don't want this post to be associated with my regular posting history. I am in real need of advice.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is 36 and I am 28. We don't live together. We've had our ups and downs, but recently we were getting into a lot of silly arguments and misunderstandings. I felt he wasn't making an effort to understand my point of view, he didn't express his feelings, and didn't prioritize our relationship over other commitments.

This culminated into an argument a few days ago, which for me was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him that I needed to take some space away from him to think about whether our relationship is sustainable. I thought that a bit of space was going to give us both time to reflect on our feelings. In the moment he agreed to my request.

However, the next day he told me that from October onwards his job was going to be stressful and therefore "he would appreciate if I could let him know what I want to do with our relationship before the beginning of Q4".

I am floored. I feel like he is treating me like an annoying colleague and that this reaction shows that he doesn't love me and he doesn't care whether we stay together or not.

Am I overreacting or is this as bad as I think it is?

Thanks

It’s not supposed to be hard work after that period of time.

About this time scale is commit and move further on in your relationship or get out. I think you know what your position is.

Does sound like it's run it's course, the q4 is a red herring!

Maybe this is part of the attraction, but I found when dating, single late thirties bankers (or guys with good well-paid jobs and no children) can be VERY arrogant and entitled as they know they won't have a shortage of female admirers/replacements.

Maybe if they are dating (say) someone from their work or university friendship circle who is equally "alpha female" and at "their level" they behave a bit better?

But you shouldn't be an "outsider fighting for his attention".

You're 28 and I'd put money on you also being a very good "catch"/ physically attractive (probably why you caught his attention).

It really isn't worth trying to "make this work" if you're already struggling.

Like pps say, go out and meet new guys.

I think that keeping him hanging while you decide whether the relationship is worth it, is much more of a big deal than him saying can you make up your mind.

Either you want to be in the relationship, imperfect though it is, and you want to work on it, or you don’t. If you need him to change things, then ask him and he if won’t, you know you answer.

Time to invoke the termination for convenience clause.

It’s not very romantic is it. Tell him you’ve performed a swat analysis and you’ve discovered disparities and disconnect and are therefore putting in a notice of intent to dissolve your relationship. You indemnify him of any losses. All filings, winding up, and settlements to be completed in Q3 as per his schedule.

He is not "treating [you] like an annoying colleague". He is treating you like a subordinate who direct reports to him.

I would move straight from 'taking some space' to 'ditch'.

It might be an adult saying if have until xyz time to devote to this drama. If the situation is not resolved by then, I will have no more time to devote to this exploration process.

This man has lived long enough to realize that no matter how much he might like or want this relationship to continue, he knows that if this ends he will in time find another woman with whom he can have a meaningful relationship.

If the OP is already disgusted by his verbiage and his time line, why not just end it now? That would free both parties to move on with their lives.

You need to appreciate yourself for what you are and leave no space for anyone to treat you like that. He undermines you with this attitude, you don't want to be involved with someone like that, you'll have plethora of problems if you have a family with him.
I do believe that with the manner that he's treating you he'll eventually change the way you see yourself and lower your self esteem.
Close the door and never open it again.
You're young, enjoy life, be in a relationship with someone you have fun with, treats you with respect and like a princess and not like inconvenience...
But, I would wait until Q-whatever and then tell him bye bye or never tell him at all/stop contact.
Anyway, instead of thinking what to do with him, think what to do so nobody talks to you like that again. - just trying to protect here.

But you told him you needed space to see "if the relationship is sustainable" which is equally cold and business-like.

You are not right for each other. End the relationship and move on.

Hahahaha I'm going to mention to my husband that I'd like him to increase his number of evenings per week cooking by Q4 and see where it gets me.

At the end of the day, whether he is or he isn't is irrelevant. The relationship is not working out, and the OP doesn't have to stick with it if she doesn't want to.

Q4

what a nob.

I'd be running out of that door

Agreed. It might explain a behaviour but it doesnt mean she has to tolerate it

Ask him to clarify does he mean Q4 in calendar year or financial year

I think he used that phrase because he might be annoyed by the break?

I think the ball is in your yard and you need to think:

• do you see a future with him?
• will the arguments still happen again?
• do you love him enough to make it work?

Everyone is on form on this thread! Thank you for making me laugh so much!

This too!!! Lol lol

Haha @ thumb up emoji reply! That would be a cracking reply.

Hi DP,
I hope this email finds you well. Further to our previous conversation re: relationship status I am writing to confirm termination of our relationship in Q3 as suggested. This should release us both to pursue more advantageous opportunities. I enclose a performance review for Q1-Q3 to help you shape future objectives and identify training and development needs.
regards
OP

hahaha I had plenty of sex and wonderful dates thank you very much :-)

Nah, I said it only because a recent acquaintance said exactly that when she looked at her life and regrets how her ex-husband who was her BF at the time took over her life while they were dating, including making her put off decisions to buy her starter flat in London for which she had a deposit, on the promise they will marry and buy a house straight away which never happened as as soon as they married, he had all sorts of panic attacks about starting a family and living in London and fucked off to a European country to 'live' with his mum to whom he is joined at the hip. Leaving that said acquittance to flee London as she could no longer afford it as her money also got fritted away during the dating period and now she has all sorts of regrets and raising her daughter (from him- he followed her and joined her for a year or so, and pregnancy happened) as a single mum in a third world country where she can have family support.

Correct.

Pity you didn't terminate the relationship in Q1 of Y 1.

😂@Morred

I never understand the need to say all kinds of negative things about the partner. If the real is not working, does the reason really matter.? If you need to end it , you need to end it.

If you are incompatible no one needs to be blamed. There is no obligation to be compatible and no way to create compatibility where it does not exist. You don't need clever sayings to end what is not working. Goodbye is usually sufficient.

Before the beginning of q4 is stupid language