Boyfriend asked me to make a decision on our relationship "before Q4"

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Regular on this board but NCed because I don't want this post to be associated with my regular posting history. I am in real need of advice.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is 36 and I am 28. We don't live together. We've had our ups and downs, but recently we were getting into a lot of silly arguments and misunderstandings. I felt he wasn't making an effort to understand my point of view, he didn't express his feelings, and didn't prioritize our relationship over other commitments.

This culminated into an argument a few days ago, which for me was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him that I needed to take some space away from him to think about whether our relationship is sustainable. I thought that a bit of space was going to give us both time to reflect on our feelings. In the moment he agreed to my request.

However, the next day he told me that from October onwards his job was going to be stressful and therefore "he would appreciate if I could let him know what I want to do with our relationship before the beginning of Q4".

I am floored. I feel like he is treating me like an annoying colleague and that this reaction shows that he doesn't love me and he doesn't care whether we stay together or not.

Am I overreacting or is this as bad as I think it is?

Thanks

Yes.

18 months in it shouldn't be so hard.

He just wants some warning as to whether or not to add you to the Christmas bonus list

Tell him you have clear KPIs for your partner and they are not looking good. So he won't make it to Q4 QBR.

Agree with @OhComeOnFFS

If the relationship is in this state 18 months I’m and you don’t even live together, time to move on.

Sounds like you're maybe just not particularly well suited. I can well imagine myself saying something similar in the same situation just because it's clear and to the point. If my partner took offence that would be a red flag for me that we were on wildly different pages with communication styles (neither wrong, just each looking for different things from verbal communication).

Send him a printed brochure titled 'Q3 report'. Glossy paper, rubbish business stock photos and pie charts, all graphs pointing down.

Listen to how you feel and trust yourself..the timeline isn't an issue but his cold hearted approach is a problem.

Ignore your instinct on this and you'll be regret it.

No it isn't. I work in finance, and nobody with any self-respect would talk like such a wanker.

I'd just send a brief email requesting a Gantt chart with all the necessary conversations, suggested dates, ways to show love and affection prior to Q4 so that you can make a well informed decision.

This. I'm wondering if he has a cancellation / return policy tbh.

Q4 at my massive corporate company is Jan-March - ie the last quarter of the financial year,

Bringing corporate speak into your relationship, that's a red flag.

I've been doing some blue sky thinking out of the box.
You're dumped.

End of year forecast for our op?

Raining (other) men

I also think it is. Is Op in one of those lowly paid jobs and therefore no work demands? I work in a demanding job and I would say exactly this. I did so well in my career exactly because i didnt have anyone pulling me down with other demands.

Sounds reasonable. More than a month. I think in Qs and HYs so I relate to him. Also month end. I can’t take holiday or do much socially the first week of each month due to month end close down.

It is fair enough to ask you to make a decision (and I think you already know what that decision is).

The Q4 corp speak nonsense would have had me snort laughing at this nob as my vagina clamped shut.

I fucking LOVE a Gantt chart

👍👍👍

Apart from the wanky corporate speak he’s making sense. He’s telling you you can have the time and space you need but he can’t be strung along waiting endlessly for you to make up your mind. Seems fair enough to me.

It's certainly not the language of romance but I think it's actually fine, as its entirely in context. He's talking about a particularly busy period at work and has asked for an answer before that period... seems fair enough?

A generous interpretation would be that he wants to have enough time/headspace to process whatever you decide.

Out of context he would sound like a bit of a knob though.

This much hard work only 18 months in - nah. You’re young. You can do better.

Tell him that his performance in Q1-3 was below expectation and his services are no
longer required.

I think it’s fair enough. That is 6 weeks away, if you’re likely to keep him dangling that long totally fair enough. I wouldn’t get hung up on the way he said it. Is it because you’re upset that rather than chasing you, he’s just leaving ball in your court?

Tell him you have looked at your KPIs (Key Performance Indicator) YTD and have decided to tell him to fuck right off.