Ever had a TRULY platonic male friendship?

[Lockthedoors9]

On here you see those threads where someone’s other half is shadily texting a woman and whilst most say it’s suspect there’s always a couple of people saying “men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

Now I know of course it must happen but I have never had a male friendship where later it transpired he was trying to turn it into more.

The exception is friendships with gay men or when I was younger, men who later came out.

I’m married now and based on my experiences I’d never have a close friendship with a straight man because of the inevitable drama it would bring.

I know this is rather crap tbh.

Have you experienced similar to me?

I’d also love to hear your positive stories, perhaps I’ve been unlucky or give off some sort of vibe 😂

Yes I lived with 3 guys and was friends with them at Uni. However I was always in a relationship so dunno if that affected it. also the fact they left the kitchen and bathroom a state put me off them

Yes I do, and have had several others in the past. They just fizzled out due to location/life moving on, not because anyone made a move or got feelings. Two male friends are ones who live overseas and I’ve travelled to visit and stay with - totally platonic. One I even met on Tinder but we decided to be friends instead as we got on really well but didn’t fancy each other.

If he's gorgeous and you're best friends, it seems odd that you've never been tempted?

Yes I do think it’s a straight thing tbh. My partner and I are both bi and we find hetero sexual politics bizarre sometimes - like the people on here who insist ANY one on one meeting with the opposite sex is automatically a date. God forbid it’s a meal or the cinema.

I also haven’t noticed any difference between my male and female friendships. Some women have been flaky, unreliable, unpleasant, dishonest and let me down when I needed them. So have some men. Equally both men and women I’m friends with have offered support and emotional closeness.

Yes only one.
DH's groomsman, I talk to him more than DH does. Nothing more than just friends. He is a great guy has a girlfriend of about three years who is lovely.

All others started as friends but feelings came into them at some stage.

No. Even my gay friends tried it on when they had a bit to drink.

I understand. He’s objectively gorgeous but I’m not attracted to him if that makes sense. Like we don’t all fancy every good looking film star do we? He was also a bit of a player in school (we met in sixth form) so I was never interested. I think that’s why we ended up being good friends, I used to laugh at him and he was used to girls falling at his feet.

I have got half a dozen good straight male friends, two of which are v close.

If they are all secretly listing after me, they’ve hidden it exceptionally well, for two or more decades.

I grew up as a bit of a tomboy and played with my brother’s friends, had male cousins and then as I grew up continued to have a mix of both male and female friends

I have a close friendship group to this day with both guys and girls and it’s strictly platonic. I think it depends on the type of people you are really. My guy friends are not the type of guys I would date hence why they’re my friends and they’ve never over stepped boundaries as they’re not those type of guys

My bridge partner is male. We message daily, discuss the details of our adult kids and lives, and the running of our club, and play in tournaments together two or three times a week. We get on fine together as platonic friends - he’s divorced, I’m widowed, so neither of us is looking for a replacement partner. Mine is irreplaceable and his put him off ever trying again!

Yes my BIL is one of my closest friends and we were mates before he married my sister. We are absolutely NOT attracted.

Quite a few male acquaintances, work colleagues or ex work colleagues mainly, two close male friends over the years. One I met at uni, we were both older students and both about to marry our long term partners when we started our course. We've stayed in touch, more sporadically of late after both having children but used to go out for drinks etc in our uni days, with and without our partners.
Other close male friend I was at high school with, we were friends at school but only really became close friends after a chance meeting about 12 years ago. We've supported each other through some really difficult times and he is truly one of my best friends. Never anything more with either of them from either side.

Yes. Going on 25 years now. I'm also very close with his wife so that makes it comfortable

I've had a couple of male colleagues that I've been close friends with and it's been purely platonic. I should add, however, that they are both old enough to be my dad. One was married (his wife even invited me for xmas dinner one year, as i was at a lose end) and the other was single. Very good friends with both of them, and neither have ever made me feel uncomfortable in any way.

Yes, for the last 30+ years. But only the one. Others drifted or turned into something else.

Yes many years ago my best friend in the first year at uni was male... we have since reconnected and still meet up as friends

One of my oldest friends is a guy. We met in primary school at the age of 8. Both now in our 40s. Never anything romantic between us. We haven't lived in the same city since we were 18, and over the years we've both moved around and spent time abroad - but despite sometimes big physical distances, when we do meet up we just pick up the conversation from where we left it months before. We are very different in many ways but somehow have a very easy friendship. I think he's the closest to a brother I'll ever have. We were part of a larger friendship group in our late teens but he's the only male friend from that time that I'm still in regular contact with. I made quite a few new male friends in my 30s when I moved city. But I tend to see them in a group with others as opposed to one on one.

From my side, yes. From their side, no. They always ended up trying it on and I was always horrified!!! Not least because I always knew their partners/wives 🤬

Yes I've had quite a few, but I work in a male dominated field so have lots of male colleagues.
My best friend is male, our grandparents were best friends, my dad and his mum grew up together and so did we. I'm also friends with his wife and he with my DH , I'll take DC to play with theirs when it's just his wife at home and he will meet up with DH on occasion. He will also bring DC to our house when DH is at work and shock horror we go for dinner about once a month just to catch up without any children around

I used to think I had one, but then I posted a picture of myself on social media and he messaged me saying "Wow ..I can't unsee that picture ;) " even though he also had a girlfriend. Creep.

It's rare, but yes truly platonic relationships exist. My friend and I have known each other since we were children and as a result are more like brother and sister

I try to see folk as humans rather than members of a specific sex. Some I click with, some I don’t. I think there is a lot of projection on the part of others who very much pigeonhole life. It can be annoying.
For example, at Xmas, I invited a few friends and neighbours round for casual drinks. Two were my friends I knew through a hobby and were single and at a bit of a loose end so I invited them too. One is female and gay, the other male and heterosexual. Both are known by my husband. They both had a lovely time chatting to everyone and thanked me afterwards for showing hospitality, especially at that time of year.
Now my BIL was also there. (I’m hearing the following second hand via my DH). He didn’t click with the male and thought he was boring but then went on to raise his eyebrows in a way suggesting there was more, or potentially more to the relationship between me and the male.
I was furious. Firstly because it wasn’t true. Secondly because I got cross that who I invite to my own house gets questioned by other guests. And thirdly that he was making such suggestions to DH. DH wasn’t bothered but he couldn’t understand why I was so annoyed. I said that his brother was probably projecting his own prejudices because to our knowledge he has no female friends and his wife has no male friends. Their friends are couples and they socialise as couples. I also said he was making such huge assumptions based on his own prejudices because why didn’t he suggest that there was something going on between me and my female friend because after all, she was gay.
I am in fact very close with the female friend and we have a deep bond and connection. Our text messages could be construed as meaning more than they actually are because we bolster each other up and tell each other how great we are. But there is no sexual chemistry whatsoever. She is another human being I click with. But that doesn’t seem to bother folk like my BIL because we are the same sex therefore she isn’t perceived as a potential threat to my marriage in the same way a male is.

One of my best friends is male. Totally platonic. He's married, I'm "single", but they have met my man friend (too old for boy friends). I'm now nearly best friends with his wife. Known him for years. I get on really well with his wife and we plan to go walking together next year. He's not very interested in walking so we're going to do a girlie week. As she's loads fitter than me she might have a plan to get rid of me😜but I'm training seriously.

I have two very good male friends from uni. Known them 20yrs. Catch for drinks and lunch with them by myself, message them in between. I’m married, one of them is married and the other lives with his girlfriend. There’s never been a whisper of flirtation with either of them.

I'm a man and a straight one to boot.

I have and have had some good platonic friendships with women but they tend to be work friends or hobby friends where the friendship is defined and limited by the activity. In other words I will enjoy time with them at lunch or at quiet point in the day or on a works evening out. Occasionally I would invite them to our house but that would usually be to family events when we all had small children or large parties, rather than one on one time. It is almost as if subconsciously I want there to be others present - an informal chaperone (I appreciate this might contradict my brother and sister comment which you will come across if you continue reading). I
The chats can be quite deep and personal. It was more than just discussing what we watched on tele the night before. And it wasn't all chatting often we would be doing things together - occasionally even working.
Those friendships with women were and are a very enjoyable and important part of my life and have made me a more rounded, knowledgeable and interesting person.

Perhaps I'm unusual but I don't want to have sex with women who are friends. This isn't just because I value the friendships which would be lost if the friendship became sexual, but because once I am friends with a woman I don't see her sexually but as a friend. I echo the poster above. It becomes like brother and sister.

I love gentle flirting with women my age who I am sexually attracted to and very much hope that it develops - it usually doesn't for sadly like many potato men I'm no great catch. But that flirting tends to happen at the start of the relationship and not after we become friends.

I was married for 30 years. Fairly unhappy for both of us - the common story of staying together because I couldn't face life in a bedsit meeting the kids on Thursday night in MacDonalds. Neither of us cheated and now, 4 years post divorce, we get on quite well and I'm slightly worried that when we met last week we both started flirting. So it might be that although I can be platonic friends with women that doesn't include my Ex!

Apologies for the tedious length, but now I shall go back to lurking and think about getting ready for work. Ugh.