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Original poster

Boyfriend said I need to start behaving before he proposes

564 replies

LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 10:49

My boyfriend has made this comment a few times ‘that I need to start behaving’ before he proposes (we’ve been together 3 years, lived together for 1.5).

for some context, I'm very respectful towards him, I cook clean, doing all the washing and go 50/50 with most things money wise, he also lives in my house.

i do get emotional and sometimes say mean things in the heat of the moment. Me ‘behaving’ means getting less emotional and not calling him out on anything.

do I really need to be with someone that wants me to ‘behave’ in order for him to propose?

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 16:14

Don't feed the troll people.

Let's keep things safe, consensually, and sane lol

Priscil · 22/08/2023 16:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Priscil · 22/08/2023 16:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 16:17

LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 16:06

He works long shifts, but he does have time to help out or cook when he’s not working. He’s only 2 years older, so not much of an age gap.

You work more than full-time too.

He's taking the absolute piss out of you at home, work wise.

His attitude to marriage/women is also disturbing. It dies not say good things about him.

With the best of intentions, you need to work out why you've let him behave like this. And why you'd want to marry a man who's so lazy and selfish and entitled at home. As I said above, with kids ... This is going to become a true disaster area. And not unlikely to result in pnd.

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 16:20

If your mates/peers are getting engaged, married etc (there tends to be a rush of these things approaching 30/around 30)..... Don't let it make you jump into engagement and marriage with whoever you're with at the time; even though he's a shit partner. Lazy, selfish, taking advantage, and controlling/manipulative.

CheshireCat1 · 22/08/2023 16:20

Tell him to sling his hook.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 22/08/2023 16:21

AmandaHoldensLips · 22/08/2023 10:52

I think by "behaving" what you should be doing is packing his bags for him and leaving them outside your front door. That should do the trick.

Totally agree with this! Who the hell does he think he is? Tell him to fuck off, and mean it OP, why would you want to saddle yourself to an arsehole who wants to control you?

Priscil · 22/08/2023 16:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Topseyt123 · 22/08/2023 16:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

What point? You don't have a point! 🤣

LemonDrizzleDessert · 22/08/2023 16:23

This is why I come on MN. To witness a Showdown moment with you all 😹

AutumnCrow · 22/08/2023 16:25

Oooh, live troll banhammer!

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 16:27

Op, I used to get varying degrees of pms too. Its hard to get detachment but I find tracking your cycle and marking possible days on some way including writing "you are likely to be pmsing!" might help get that perspective.

Some contraceptive pills might help.

Some supplements might help, b vitamins etc.

But ... This is not your main problem.

This guy is using you/taking the piss out of you at home, work wise.

Also his attitude, illustrated by language like "behave", and by his carrot/training approach re marriage is very worrying. He sounds v sexist and manipulative.

He is possibly an Andrew Tate follower type.

With a mortgage free property you need to be very very careful about who you marry.
He's not a good candidate.

Auburnrose · 22/08/2023 16:27

He's using a form of manipulative control. . . He may not be aware of it. . .

Telling you to change your behaviour or he's not going to propose....question is was he ever going to? Or is he using it to get what he wants?

There's no real form of commitment here.
A manipulator or self seeker (narcissist)
Will always use speech In a emotional manner towards their partner....

A real empathetic person with no ulterior motive or selfish personality will be more open and communicate how they feel when you say something to them....there be more discussion and there be no anger or stress....

Anyone who says if you don't do this ... You won't get this .... Has a manipulative quality. And will always find a way to avoid the conversation.....

If you tried discussing it with him and he hasn't been open or emotional or willing to explain how he feels then that's not okay and you need to reconsider your relationship....
You'll be treading on eggshell for the rest of your life waiting for something that may never happen...

What do you want from a relationship?
What makes you happy?
Do you feel happy, safe, secure & trust this person?

If your not communicating well with eachother it's time for a break. Get friends round you to help and support. I would hope you have friends left in your life you can lean on

LemonDrizzleDessert · 22/08/2023 16:28

@GilbertMarkham slayed the Dragon. It wasn't easy but *thats gratitude for you!!

Naunet · 22/08/2023 16:28

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 15:57

Naunet's one of the best posters on here, while you seem like a troll.

Show quote history

You’ll make me blush!

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 16:29

LemonDrizzleDessert · 22/08/2023 16:28

@GilbertMarkham slayed the Dragon. It wasn't easy but *thats gratitude for you!!

I didn't report them, I can't take credit

backinthestoneage · 22/08/2023 16:29

What exactly is he bringing to the party? It sounds like he has landed on his feet with a domestic skivvy and accommodation thrown him.

@LouLo2121 expect your cocklodger to come out with 'it was a joke, I didn't mean it ..' line later on. The point is he said it therefore he meant it. Time to bin him.

Original poster
LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 16:30

True, isn’t the first time he’s said this.

OP posts:
Flipflipmania · 22/08/2023 16:31

LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 16:30

True, isn’t the first time he’s said this.

Op what was your parents relationship like?

Flipflipmania · 22/08/2023 16:32

Have you any friends in RL to talk to?

GilbertMarkham · 22/08/2023 16:33

I was only joking = I didn't get my way, I've exposed myself for what I am, and I might even be on the way out; better backtrack v quickly.

This dude ain't letting you go with a fight and a whole load of BS. He's living rent/mortgage free, has you trained to do all his housework like a servant, and I'm sure you're a lovely young woman too.

Original poster
LouLo2121 · 22/08/2023 16:33

Absolutely terrible, they got divorced when I was 14

OP posts:
Marwoodsbigbreak · 22/08/2023 16:35

He saw you coming!

Tell him to fuck off out of your house. Who does he think he is??!!

Flipflipmania · 22/08/2023 16:36

@Priscil

you naughty scoundrel you 😂

Mirabai · 22/08/2023 16:38

for some context, I'm very respectful towards him, I cook clean, doing all the washing and go 50/50 with most things money wise, he also lives in my house.

Wtaf are you doing with your life?!

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