I’ve done a terrible thing

[Miserablemondsy]

Hi,

i’m 42, married to a great guy with 2 dc’s aged 9 and 13

for the last couple of years I’ve been doing a part time uni course funded and supported by my employer. This has involved several overnight residential sessions. The group of other students are great and we quickly got into the habit of going for drinks etc when we were all staying in the hotel.

on our last residential in June a few of the younger ones decided to go into town. Me, another woman and a guy weren’t up for it so we went back to the hotel and had a couple of drinks in my room.

the woman left after half hour leaving me With the guy. He’s 32 and has become a good friend over the course of our studies. I admit that I found him attractive and I got the impression that he liked me.

We sat in my room watching TV and shared a bottle of wine. We were both tipsy and he was being flirty. I can’t believe this happened but I ended up giving him a BJ and shagging him. (Safe sex)

the next morning we both agreed that ut had been a huge mistake and something that we won’t discuss again, our course had ended now so there’s mo need for any further contact. He’s getting married next year 🤦‍♂️

i’m devastated at what I’ve done. Until that night I had been 100% faithful. I just don’t know what to do

my heart tells me I must confess but my head tells me that it will destroy my family. My older sister is like a second mum ( 12 years older) and I have confided in her. She thinks that I need to move on and hero my mouth shut

I feel absolutely disgusted with myself, WWYD?

This is just ridiculous, not to mention plain nasty. How do you get to ‘planned it for a long time’ from what the OP said ?

I was wondering what thread this poster was reading, because it’s clearly not this one if that’s what she’s taken from it !!

Letting yourself drink alcohol in a room with an attractive man alone.... well, it's not like the situation wasn't risky from the go.

I'd not be able to get over the guilt so would have to admit it to DH.

Have you rad the OP?
She fancied this guy for a while, she said so herself. She knew it was their last night together (convenient). They didnt go with the others but stayed in. She let the other woman leave. She did not ask him to leave but continued getting pissed with him and sucked him off and then had sex (conveniently again they had condoms)- if that was not planned, then at least she hoped for some action with him for the last hurray to be able to spin the 'we wont see each other again'- plain and simple she wanted to get laid with a younger dude without strings attached and picked the moment for the last meet up.
Nasty is what she did to her husband, I just stated the fact.

But along with the guilt, would you be in any way confessing because you believe your partner has a right to know, and truth and decency are always the most important thing, regardless of the fallout ? Genuine question, by the way.

From a male perspective, I’d rather not know if my DWdid something like this if it was genuinely a one off slightly drunk type of thing, she would have to live with the guilt and that’s probably harder in many ways than admitting it and taking the consequences

From the OP, I admit that I found him attractive and I got the impression that he liked me.
Then somehow they found themselves together drinking a bottle of wine with codoms around. Yup hanging around with a bottle of wine with a guy she had had a soft spot for, totally 'unplanned' sex on both sides resulted from it. Surprise!

I think you need to read the OP again @Wouldyouguess. Carefully this time.

This isn’t fact, it’s supposition.

Well she’s just asked me if I’ve read it, so that gives you an idea of how much of her post is fact and how much is either supposition or projection from her own experience.

I think you need to read it yourself, she admitted having fancied the guy. She stayed with him 1:1 in a hotel room drinking alcohol knowing/hoping what was to come. She didnt fall on his penis with her mouth open by accident did she. She wanted a cheap thrill and got it, but wont admit it because she prefers to pretend to be naive like it was an accident. Anyways, you can also be naive and think this somehow was out of her control.

And there we have it.

Oh, and no-one has said they think it was out of her control. Quite the opposite. She could have seen him out with the other woman. But she didn’t and so it happened. Doesn’t mean it was planned, or that the nasty spin you put on it is factual.

Nope. Guess again. Married for forty happy years, no infidelity - at least on my part, wouldn’t even think of it. That doesn’t mean I can’t be empathetic to someone who finds themselves in the position of having done it, regrets it and carries the guilt. Why do posters like you find it necessary to insult people who don’t agree with you instead of engaging reasoned debate ? Your post was nasty and the amount of bitterness you display in it made me wonder if you were projecting something from your own life. Doesn’t warrant accusing me of loose morals.

What I have got from all of this is that marriage is very complicated and everybody has a different way of doing it. Though I knew that already. Man, was there ever a more complex human relationship?

Criticised for using condoms????? Not so bad without then?

Bonkers isn’t it ? I’m also surprised at the amount of posters who are using the fact that they had condoms available as proof it was pre-planned. If the bloke had a fiancée, it’s quite possible he had them in his wallet or something. When that was suggested upthread someone actually replied that in those circumstances the condoms would be in the bedside drawer, not his wallet !!

Me and my (now) DH went out together for a decade before we lived together/got married. DH always had a condom in his wallet because we never knew when/where we'd need it (!!) as we very rarely slept together (to sleep that is) except on holidays, as we both still lived with our families and never stopped over. In between holidays, a condom was most likely to be needed in our respective cars (yes, classy I know, but needs must). I never had any in my bedside drawer as we never had sex in my bed, nor did we ever have sex in his bed, so he kept his box of condoms in his car.

So, if, like this thread, he suddenly found himself in circumstances where he needed a condom, he'd have one in his wallet. That doesn't mean he was planning on using one, it was just a matter of habit to have one with him.

In fairness the person with the condoms probably did bring them in hopes of using them. However there isn't any reason to think this was the OP.

I found the comment on the place for them being the bedside table hilarious - yet another example of the Victorian attitudes. Sex should only be in bed with the lights off !!

Absolutely keep quiet, unless there's a realistic chance someone else will tell your dh. It's horrible being the last person to know and in such circumstances a confession is a better option. But if you are confident he won't find out, don't dump it on on him to lighten your own guilt. He doesn't know so he won't be hurt. You did the deed, live with it.

Don't tell, what stays in Vegas, remains in Vegas! But watch the old drop of wine eh? Count the no. Of glasses next time. 2 ? Then go on to a mineral. Guilt is a sad thing, things in the past cannot be changed!