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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has lost our kids savings

352 replies

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:32

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

OP posts:
PriamFarrl · 13/08/2023 21:41

monsteramunch · 13/08/2023 21:30

So what was your aim of posting on this thread? If not to defend yourself or set the record straight? It absolutely was ego driven / driven by a desire to assert your narrative.

Show quote history

You can imagine that she is talking to her friends, having a moan and he walks in, plonks his arse down and takes over.

rookiemere · 13/08/2023 21:47

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 20:23

Hi

1st point was it was the lowest amount invested, other investments were tied up and not accessible, one other investment was doing well, the kids money wasn’t doing much in the investment we had it in.

2nd never any question about paying it back, I sat down and went through options, getting a loan, paying it back through extra private work and using our property business profits, my is offended I even mentioned the property business to cover losses and I get where she is coming from as you could argue that wouldn’t be me taking fully accountability. I see and understand this. I thought about selling all golf clubs and equipments and sports memorabilia I have collected over the years, nothing for me was or is off limits to put things right. I just wanted to sort this mess and move on.

So why not sell the golf memorabilia then and work the extra hours, rather than getting a loan that you haven't quite explained how will be paid.

Busubaba · 13/08/2023 21:49

The 'wife' said he had just started a new job so would he even be able to get a loan until he's been there a certain amount of time?

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 21:50

Not sure I follow? What narrative? I’ve come been honest, admitted my mistake and have taken steps to rectify the situation. I read all the comments and wanted to make one of my own.

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 21:54

Hi do work for a living and it’s not like I don’t have monthly disposable income. I’d rather get the kids money back in their account and deal paying it back rather than a few hundred here or there. Resentment from my wife if I’m not working enough. This way I know what I have to pay each month.

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 21:56

Regarding the loan, i will go online and fill out the bits and take it from there. I appreciate the concern. I’m second option is to sell shares we hold jointly give my wife her half, kids what I owe

rookiemere · 13/08/2023 22:04

But selling shares just means you're moving some other savings over. It doesn't mean you've replaced the £14k you lost.

Selling golf memorabilia or working extra hours means you're actively rebuilding that missing £14k.

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 13/08/2023 22:21

That's insane. Completely not normal. I would want absolute transparency about all financial affairs from now on and I would expect to be in complete charge of all finances- his, you're, joint and the kids. I would be saying that for a while- a certain amount of months or whatever- he can only have a cash card so that he can't buy anything online or gamble online. You can request just a straight up ATM machine card from the bank, my Granny has one as she can't cope with anything beyond withdrawing cash. If he refuses I would request a divorce. This is huge enough but has the potential to become something much worse.

monsteramunch · 13/08/2023 22:34

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 21:50

Not sure I follow? What narrative? I’ve come been honest, admitted my mistake and have taken steps to rectify the situation. I read all the comments and wanted to make one of my own.

... which is a very ego driven thing to do.

To want to give your side of the story to a group of strangers who were offering advice, support and experience to your wife in what was a safe space for her.

Trying to control the narrative / redirect the thread into a direction you feel more comfortable with.

Mate honestly, you coming in here with your side of the story is a really weird thing to do.

Cailleachian · 14/08/2023 00:05

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 20:25

I have had it from trust wallet that the money put in was removed and placed somewhere the scams wanted it, what was being shown was false, I have made contact with police, my bank and trust wallet to see if there is anything that can be done, all parties have been very helpful in trying to get my money bank, it’s highly unlikely but who knows

How did it get to trust wallet? I thought you deposited it on Binance?

Who removed the crypto from trust wallet and which address was it sent to?

Cailleachian · 14/08/2023 00:31

@Helphusbandmessedup if you are still reading, I think its also worth pointing out that your husband speaking of these funds as "my money bank" - a freudian slip if ever I heard one - in the context of the loss of your childrens entire savings is rather telling.

The funds may be gone, but then they also may not be. Get immediate access to the Binance account and the seed words of the Trust Wallet (do not put these online!). The blockchain makes transactions very easy to track and as the fatal transaction was from a decentralised wallet not a centralised exchange you will be able to see the transaction where the funds were "lost", how the transaction was signed off and where they were sent to. The owner of this address is the person who has your funds.

SunRainStorm · 14/08/2023 01:01

@dad19851983

Words are empty in these situations.

If you're serious, then start selling your belongings, looking for ways to earn additional money, cancelling your own purchases like streaming services and hobbies.

Show that you mean to make it right.

SunRainStorm · 14/08/2023 01:02

@dad19851983

And yes I agree with PPs, this is a space for your wife, not you.

Remove yourself and let her have a place to express her feelings and receive support.

You're not going to win anyone on here over anyway. Not until you replace what you took from your children.

Tgirl19 · 14/08/2023 02:12

Sorry this has happened. If he has a way of making money privately then he should do it, your children’s loss is his fault and no one else’s. I know of someone who is a ‘tradey’ but has a ‘normal regular job’ he has just made 10 grand through word of mouth in he months of July and August (on the side). People are crying out for reliable tradesman- he needs to give up his weekends, like my friend has, and do it!

Busubaba · 14/08/2023 02:46

Tgirl19 · 14/08/2023 02:12

Sorry this has happened. If he has a way of making money privately then he should do it, your children’s loss is his fault and no one else’s. I know of someone who is a ‘tradey’ but has a ‘normal regular job’ he has just made 10 grand through word of mouth in he months of July and August (on the side). People are crying out for reliable tradesman- he needs to give up his weekends, like my friend has, and do it!

The 'husband' forgot what his 'wife' had posted and upgraded himself to being an engineer!

dad19851983 · 14/08/2023 06:29

Message received I’ll leave

monsteramunch · 14/08/2023 09:34

dad19851983 · 14/08/2023 06:29

Message received I’ll leave

Your work is done here anyway, you've taken over your wife's thread and turned it from a safe space for her to seek advice and support into the 'you' show.

Leaving now after being told multiple times it was inappropriate for you to be here is, I suppose, better late than never.

But also pointless as you'd already merailed the thread so much and made it an unsafe space that there would be no point her returning.

BCSurvivor · 14/08/2023 10:24

This thread is as holey as a colander.
And now we have OP showing her husband posts from the thread, OP's husband holding a questions and answers session, OP disappeared from thread - though I remain convinced that's she's reading the comments with her husband.
OP aware of the investment - she didn't mention this in the first post - but not taking any responsibility for her own poor judgement in approving the investment without researching first.
Changing financial positions, changing stories, suddenly talk of a divorce - I don't know, but I'm doubting a lot of things about this thread.

Cailleachian · 14/08/2023 15:18

@Helphusbandmessedup let me know if you need any further help tracking the funds.

From what your husband has said here I reckon its possible that they may be recoverable.

Busubaba · 14/08/2023 15:30

BCSurvivor · 14/08/2023 10:24

This thread is as holey as a colander.
And now we have OP showing her husband posts from the thread, OP's husband holding a questions and answers session, OP disappeared from thread - though I remain convinced that's she's reading the comments with her husband.
OP aware of the investment - she didn't mention this in the first post - but not taking any responsibility for her own poor judgement in approving the investment without researching first.
Changing financial positions, changing stories, suddenly talk of a divorce - I don't know, but I'm doubting a lot of things about this thread.

It's one person, I'm sure.

Original poster
Helphusbandmessedup · 14/08/2023 16:58

@Cailleachian thank you for your offer of support it really means a lot.

I will DM you.

I’ve been following all the posts and his since he commented. I’ve been sat quietly digesting everything really. Sadly for me this is the end of the road for me and my husband. I did know he was investing the money and I should’ve been more insistent that he didn’t do it, but like I said he assured me it was safe and stupidly I trusted his word.

if his behaviour afterwards had been that of remorse, humbleness and a desire to fix at all costs that is one thing that I could’ve possibly moved on from. Instead I got presented with options. The first 2 he played the pity card he’d be poor. The third meant he wasnt taking personal responsibility for it, then when I disagreed with this as an option he got angry at me and raised his voice/tone towards me because I didn’t agree with him. In addition he told me initially it was one amount and when I looked in the account he’d removed it from to invest it was a bit more. This makes me question his character, and leads me to the conclusion I can’t trust him anymore so have decided to separate from him, emotionally and financially.

the girls now have their savings back in a secure account in my mums name, we sold our joint shares and he’s given the money back from his half.

Obviously I’m devastated we’ve been married 14 years with x2 wonderful children. But I know that this is the right thing to do, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me enough to be honest with me, and let’s me down like this. Some may have been able to forgive and move on but this isn’t what I want from a marriage or partnership.

thank you to everyone for their advice, it has been very helpful to me to gather perspective from everyone outside of my own xxx

OP posts:
HalfwayToMyMamasHome · 15/08/2023 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Fartooold · 16/08/2023 10:31

This has all happened in 2 days????

Or am I misreading something? It must be me...

He's lost money, you've split up, the money has been returned, you've both had time to post on the same thread......

You should consider staying together, you both write in such similar styles, you must surely have a huge amount in common.

I'm going to check this hasn't all unfolded over a year and I'm cracking up!

3luckystars · 16/08/2023 10:39

Well maybe it was the final straw and this just decided it for her.

Busubaba · 16/08/2023 11:13

Jimmy Hill.