Husband has lost our kids savings

[Helphusbandmessedup]

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

Just a comment on the aspect of him using the children's money for such a dodgy investment - a friend moved to Cornwall and used money left to his children to improve a house the family had bought. It didn't really increase the value at all as they had paid way over the odds for the house in the beginning. He wasn't earning much as there is little work in his employment field down there and his wife's extended family was basically keeping them, though she was earning herself it was not enough to keep them in the style he required.
Eventually his wife cottoned on to their precarious financial position and they separated. When the house was valued it wasn't even worth what they'd paid for it so effectively he had p*ssed away much of his children's inheritance. In his case the money had been in a family trust of which he was trustee and he could have been prosecuted.

I don't scream .LTB easy but in this case you need to seriously think about it before you lose everything.
Investment gamblers are the worst kind of gambler. Next thing will be remortgaging the house for a sure fire business deal.

@angela99999 that’s sad but it sounds like he was trying to invest in a family home for everyone. Did you friend know he was using the children’s money?

If you agreed to the transaction on the basis that he would pay it back from his personal spends and that he would work extra to earn it then there is no more discussion that's what he's going to do.
If he wants to hold onto this business loss BS you tell him you entered into a verbal contract and he's now back tracking.

I believe he was trying to live in an up-market home that was simply too expensive for them. She was aware of him using the money but unable to stop him. Either way it was not HIS money to invest - as is the case with your husband?

Another poster mentioned her children's money being in an ISA, which is sensible unless the person making the high-risk investment knows what s/he is doing. The return on an ISA is relatively low but nowhere near as high-risk as anything connected with crypto currency and there are other options between the two extremes. I'm very risk-averse myself but in the long term we get a decent return on our investments.

I lived with someone like this many years ago OP- bit of a ducker and diver - your guy fancies himself as something off the Apprentice, making money for little effort. He will do things like this I feel over and over again. It's up to you whether you want a life with a chancer. I found it extremely roller coaster.

Morning OP, I know from my own previous experience that you probably haven't slept very well and that you don't feel great. I just came back on to offer some solidarity.

The very high risk stake (his children's money), the grandiose thinking about how the profits would have been used (savings and holidays and mortgages paid off and new houses, etc, etc) plus the "not such a big deal" attitude and looking about for ways that someone else will fix up the loss feel very familiar to me.

Whether he has a gambling problem or not, its really hard to be in a relationship with someone who behaves like this.
If my opinion is at all useful to you I think the crux of the matter is his offer to repay. If he lives up to his word and puts the money back you have someone you can work with. If not my experience tells me it'll be hard to maintain a relationship with him and the difficulty will fall mainly on you.

I wish you the very best of luck. My situation turned out one way but it doesn't mean that yours will too. I hope you get the right outcome for you

OP, with kindness I'd like to offer a 'Check Your Privilege' reminder.

I recognise this all feels terrible and catastrophic to you. I would never have £17.5k in savings, for the children or otherwise. To have had (and lost) this amount, while still having additional investments and asserts, is very privileged. Many people live month to month.

I know this doesn't change anything, but I don't consider it useless to say. If you're able to recognise your privilege it might help in a mindset change while personally dealing with you H and his recklessness

Thus is the stupidest thing I've read on the Internet today.
And I've been on reddit.

I recognise that you might find it hard to read of people having more money than you (and I've been there). But no, OP does not have to check her privilege at all.

Some people will be privileged enough to have a DH who isn't stupid enough to have thrown away this huge amount of money. OP isn't.

We all have different crosses to bear. So don't be so sanctimonious.

If he told you he was doing the investment unfortunately I think he is thinking he had your consent so in his mind you both lost your kids savings.

Difficult situation. No advice other that split the money so you know your finances. If you want to divorced that is also ok. There is no a straight solution to the problem.

i don’t know why he’s calling it a business investment

Perhaps because he imagines this makes it sound more legitimate, when actually he just fancies himself the next Gordon Gecko and is stupidly gambling money in something that's completely unregulated

The fact this isn't his first dishonesty with money comes as no surprise, but while I agree he needs to repay it personally that'll be difficult if he's blown all his "personal" money too

Just how much do you know about what he's got left in real money ... ?

Business investment?

He's a stupid gambler that has lost his children's savings.

He's the absolute lowest of the low.

He has 100% stolen from his own children.

It really doesn't get much lower than that.

Then they're not really your assets, they're the mortgage provider's assets. They're not yours until you own them outright.

You need access to the account and all associated wallets - not just quickly being shown the screen, given screenshots or seeing conversations.

If you look at the transaction history in the wallet, this will give you a full record of where the money has gone. Money does not simply "disappear" from a binance wallet. Its possible that at least some of it still recoverable.

It is also possible that he sent it all outside binance as part of a scam, however if it was advertised within Binance, this is unlikely, as Binance generally tries to avoid people moving funds outwith their platform.

Binance is respected and regulated exchange internationally (I have my criticisms of binance, dont get me wrong, but I'm just pointing out that Binance itself is not especially scammy), however it stopped being a UK regulated crypto exchange on 22nd June 2023. Its possible that the funds in Binance have been caught in some kind of regulatory purgatory, especially if he sent the funds from HSBC which is known to be crypto unfriendly.

I guess what I am saying is that at the moment while its clear that your husband is untrustworthy, its not clear whether thats because he is incompetent or dishonest.

If its the first, its up to you to step up and do what you can to see if any of the childrens funds are recoverable, not just leave it to him and accept that if he says its gone, its gone.

If its the second, you need to face that and use that knowledge to inform any future decisions you make with him and not just quell the suspicion that he might be with a "Oh, well, there are lots of scams in crypto, boo hiss at those nasty scammers that stole our children's money, poor husband, how was he supposed to tell.".

Like I said earlier, I've been around in crypto a long time and I generally stay gender neutral on forums, so people assume I am male and I get a lot of access to "locker talk". The number of men who use crypto as a means to steal from women in various ways is phenomenal.

Totally this! 😂

No, he's great now, he's only stealing from them.

Your H sounds like a teenager
"Oh but I'll be poor"without acknowledging it was his idea to deprive his Dc
I know you agreed, but he mis sold the idea to you. So, don't feel it's your fault at all
I couldn't put up with 5 years of him whingeing about being hard done by and I'm not surprised your doubting his suitability as a partner and responsible Father
I'm really sorry and I don't say this lightly but I think you'd be better off without him
Once the trust has gone it's done

Utter bollocks.

By your standard, everyone who has 100 quid more than the next person on the street needs to 'check their privilege' when something serious goes wrong.

And if you insist on playing that game, that was the children's ENTIRE savings. Now THEY have NO hard-saved money for their future education/house/car/insurance needs.

Hi

I have taken the time to read all these messages as it is my wife who placed this message, I haven't come on to defend my actions as I can’t, I made a bad choice with savings that were for our kids, my wife was aware about what I was going to do and I was confident in what I was doing, I fucked up, I told my wife before I did this that if it went wrong for what ever reason, I would personally find the money to put back in kids account affecting know one but myself. I am committed to do this and I will,
I have told my wife that I am happy to have our money to be separate and contribute jointly to bills and kids,

I’ve lost my family as my wife no longer wants to be with me, I’m not after sympathy I don’t deserve any. I want to my wife to accept my sorrow and be a family. I got hooked in on the claim of making good money, my intentions were good, I won’t be making investments like this again.

I know I have let them down, im fully responsible and accountable for my actions, I’m embarrassed, sad, angry and if I’m honest a little lost. I only have myself to blame. I love my wife and kids. I will do everything I can to make this right.

like I said at the top, I can’t defend myself but I can put it right and learn.

What a load of crock.

He's a gambler.

He needs to take responsibility or there is no hope.

I'd question whether this is the extent of it, or whether he's pissed other money away as well.

Wtf?

You feel a little lost?

You didn’t think you might be lost and out of your depth when you were using money that was for your kids. If you did, you might have been more cautious.

How come you didn’t test this on your own money?

and why on earth have you come to a thread your wife started, for support to talk about how sad you are? Why would you feel the need to make her thread all about you?

Sorry you feel that. I posted based on reading comment on people that don’t know me. I made a mistake, I’m owing it and paying the price and rightfully so.

like I said, I’m not after anything apart from having a view as I’m living it.

How strange that hubby has found the thread and signed up for Mumsnet and the wife who was fairly jolly throughout the thread has now dumped in!

Is this a ploy to get in the Daily Mail?