Husband has lost our kids savings

[Helphusbandmessedup]

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

@Sleepydoor plan was to grow their money. I think he had his eyes on using some of the profit for other things as he’d also started talking about a holiday later on in the year. At this point I started saying to him stop telling me about your daily returns it means nothing until it’s back in our account.

@Helphusbandmessedup I think he had his eyes on using some of the profit for other things as he’d also started talking about a holiday later on in the year.

No. In future, you should know that this is not right. You don't take money, including money your parents have contributed, and use it for speculative investments.

@Cailleachian it’s all on his phone I can ask him tomorrow. Thank you for your advice it really is appreciated xx

im exhausted but just can’t sleep, I’m just drained of his blaze attitude towards shady financial behaviour. This isn’t the first time he’s been dishonest about money. Another scenario he didn’t take our money but was a bit dishonest when he closed a business he once had which doesn’t sit right with me.

his latest convo with me is trying to justify it but comparing himself to family friends who went bankrupt c3 times before becoming millionaires. Also justifying it to himself by saying we have an estate worth £1milliom (on paper and mortgaged) so in his eyes £14k is only 1% of our assets.

I feel like a total mug 😞😞

He's stolen that money from your DC without a second thought
I couldn't get past that
I don't understand why you supported him in this, but I'm extremely risk averse
Presumably him paying this money back will affect your house move?
I certainly wouldn't take on any more financial responsibility with him
It's a bit rich saying he doesn't want a second job as he won't see DC when he has no qualms about stealing from them!

@uncomfortablydumb53 no won’t affect house move as this was children’s money so separate. The main long term impact it would have is him having less money every month for a longgggg time.

for me this is bigger than the financial deceit it’s my trust and respect in him. He’s still trying to justify what he’s done as an investment/business decision.

Yes, him repaying the loss back to your DC affects his income which may well have a knock on effect on yours too
I can't see how you would resent him He has been extremely stupid and trust is paramount
In my experience once resentment( understandable of course) sets in, it's the beginning of the end
I really feel for you

Wouldn't resent him sorry!

@uncomfortablydumb53 luckily (in a way) we both give ourselves an agreed equal amount every month so my proposal is he repays the debt from his money so it only affects his leisure activities.

im now doubting his suitability as my partner as when I agreed with his suggestion of taking a loan to pay the money right back he complained he’d be poor for 5 years and not be able to do anything. He then tried to suggest he takes it from our other investments instead and keeps fobbing it off as not a big deal just a business investment gone wrong.

I just want his behaviour to be that of a grown man who’s made a mistake not some man child trying to smart his way out if it.

I wouldn’t worry about the money. But you need to leave. If he gets into debt you risk losing everything. And separate finances won’t save you.

He didn't take it from his investment accounts because that money is probably already gone! Separate your money out as soon as possible. Monday. He stole money from your children.

Personally I would never invest in something I don't understand and although @Cailleachian and a few others has explained a bit how it works I am none the wiser really. My idea of investing is a well diversified transparent portfolio and this sounds like neither. I like you am risk averse. But now you are where you are I would check this binance wallet and try and find out for yourself how it works to see if it is genuinely gone or he can't find it.

My biggest problem is like you his lack of accountability and the fact he is talking like a gambler. A bit like Del Boy "this time next year we will be millionaires" Having just £100 per month doesn't make him poor and he said he would make it up so I would enforce that. I wouldn't let him near my finances again either. If he says you don't trust him then genuinely you have reason not to. He has been less than transparent, he is trying to justify his actions and not taking accountability.

I am not sure I would split from him as his dodgy/stupid decision making around other peoples money is just one extremely unattractive quality and the lack of accountability rather than holding his hands up and admitting to his recklessness is another. I would not respect him or trust him so I think there would have to be some serious changes going forward if you wanted to stay with him.

£14.5k may not be much of your total worth, but how many months of his take home pay does it equate to ?

I think you need counselling if you want to stay together . His attitude to losing your DCs money would appal me - as it has you. Frankly he needs to go to Gambling Anonymous.

I think the concern is that this wasn’t actually about increasing the pot for your children for their future. If it was then why? They don’t really need anymore than they had as they are young with no immediate plans and also if that was true surely he would be desperate to at least return their pot to its original value.

The fact he was talking about using ‘some’ of what he planned to make on a holiday suggests their money was just an available asset for his game.
He was raiding their piggy bank in his greed to gamble and make a killing in his mind. That’s pretty terrible if it was money you saved specifically for your kids and even worse when 3k of it was gifted by their grandparents. He is not really showing the level of remorse and desire to make amends I would hope for if he was my DH. He wants to just see it as one of those things and tough luck on the kids.

OP, you say you feel bad for going along with it but remember that it’s possible he sold you a safe idea to get you on board whilst he intended doing something he knew was riskier.

At what point what he sold you changed I don’t suppose you will ever know but if this is the case he’s also very manipulative.

It is sounding like he isn’t acknowledging that he’s effectively gambled away someone else’s savings without their knowledge or permission. Being their father is not a justification for doing this.

If you have an asset ( I assume he means a house ) worth £1m with a mortgage then it’s not worth £1M . It’s worth whatever you can sell it for today minus the outstanding loan debt.

If he means a business then it’s worth either what you could sell it for today ( if you could find a buyer ) or some multiple of how much money it will make for you over several years.

What kind of business is it and how much profit does it make each year after tax ? Why doesn’t he use this money to pay back your kids ?

Why was he “ investing” with your kids money when he has all this money from his business ?

Id be pretty sceptical that an electrician who is employed by a Company and isn’t even good enough to get a few homers at the weekend is smart enough to have a business worth £1m.

I think he is lying to you @Helphusbandmessedup and you should not buy an house with him . The problem with the advice to “ keep all your assets separate “ is that only works if you stay married.

If you divorce him and you have savings and he has debts , he will get half your savings.

@AndyMcFlurry i don’t know why he’s calling it a business investment, I’m my eyes it’s nothing to do with our business. The business we have is joint and involves property. This was him just trying to use our kids money as a stake to increase their savings.

@AndyMcFlurry its not a £1m business our joint assets are valued at £1m but they are mortgaged

Is it possible that he has been gradually cashing out the money that was in his Binance wallet to fund his business ?

Do you now have access to this @Helphusbandmessedup , so you can see what’s he’s done ?

Well he wasn't even using it to increase their savings. He wanted to use any profit to go on a holiday.
What's he like as a DF in other ways - I can't imagine a loving and involving DF ripping his own DC off like that ?

@AndyMcFlurry no hes not been cashing it, it’s all gone from the wallet. Part of a crypto/blockchain scam. I don’t have access to the account but have seen it and his conversation with binance

@rookiemere as a DF he is a lot better now than he has been in the past. He’s good with them and they adore him, this has taken time though as he used to be very angry and overbearing with them but this has gone away now.

So you have a joint business with him that involves property ? You mean you own a property together that is rented out and makes an income and you have a mortgage on it ?

Is it in joint names - do you both get a share or rental income and declare that on your tax return ?

you say “ This was him just trying to use our kids money as a stake to increase their savings”. But you said upthread that he was planning to use the profits for a holiday - that wouldn’t increase their savings .

@AndyMcFlurry he wanted to increase their savings with the profit and use some additional profit for a holiday/ re invest to clear mortgages. Fuck knows what was going on in mind.

it’s his blaze attitude towards it all that I’m struggling with. And the reneging on the accountability to personally pay it back.

I understand why you are angry and frustrated with him , I would be too. he has no respect for you ( because he lies to you ) or for his kids ( because he steals from them).

He is also quite deluded . There is no way to invest £14k that will allow you to keep the capital safe and make enough of a return to increase that capital AND pay for a holiday AND pay off a mortgage.

He is just saying whatever random words he can to justify to you what he has done.

He did wrong - stick to your guns he has to pay it back from his allowance money - end off or you will resent him. Time for him to mature as an adult with adult consequences