Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has lost our kids savings

352 replies

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:32

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

OP posts:
Cailleachian · 13/08/2023 16:05

" I got hooked in on the claim of making good money, my intentions were good, I won’t be making investments like this again."

How did you lose the money.

This is key to finding out where your demons lie.

If your problem is gambling, Castle Craig in Scotland offers a programme for people who have fallen into crypto-gambling. It might be worth checking them out.

BCSurvivor · 13/08/2023 16:06

I imagine OP suggested he post here.

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:09

she told me she posted and read some of the comments, I decided to join, read them all and message, maybe I’m wrong to have joined the thread.

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:14

I never looked as I have a gambling problem, I place weekly football bets £5 here and there. I have always brought and sold shares, generally with success, I have brought sold crypto over the last 5/6 years. With mixed success, I thought my research on what I was doing was comprehensive but its turns out not. I feel foolish in losing it. The kids will have their money back within days

Crikeyalmighty · 13/08/2023 16:15

@dad19851983 if you are genuine, ive learnt in life that there are very few legal ways to make easy money that aren't without risk- I lived with someone who wanted to be well off, saw others doing it and didn't quite get they had either on a very odd exception got very lucky , inherited or worked their arse off all day every day in a proper business.

All you can do is come good and pay it back or sell your other asset to put the money back in - it seems easy, it seems like proper business, it really is no different to betting on football results- just you don't stand around in the bookies.

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:15

I will take a look at the program, thanks for the message

rookiemere · 13/08/2023 16:17

@dad19851983 if you're genuinely OPs DH then you already know what you need to do. Words are easy, actions are what matters:

  • Start working extra hours and put all of the extra money into savings in the DCs name that you can't access
  • Don't moan or whine about the extra work and lack of luxuries. You caused the problem so deal with it.
  • Accept your life the way it is and appreciate you seem quite financially fortunate and stop trying to game the system to get more money

I reckon if you manage to keep that going to the point where your DCs full initial pot is refunded then your DW might have properly forgiven you and you could possibly forgive yourself then.

rookiemere · 13/08/2023 16:17

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:14

I never looked as I have a gambling problem, I place weekly football bets £5 here and there. I have always brought and sold shares, generally with success, I have brought sold crypto over the last 5/6 years. With mixed success, I thought my research on what I was doing was comprehensive but its turns out not. I feel foolish in losing it. The kids will have their money back within days

How will the DCs have their money back in days ?

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:17

I take your point, sometimes when it’s to good to be true it is. I’m 100% genuine and remorseful

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:21

I will either take a personal loan to give the kids their money and make monthly payments. Or As our marriage is over and we separate assets we have shares that will split equally and out of my half the kids money will go back to them and what is left is mine.

either way this week, neither wife or kids are out of pocket, I am it was my mistake

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:22

Thanks

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:25

Thanks for your comments. I’m an engineer and already have weekend work coming up to earn extra. You’re completely right that words are easy. I want to have everything back where it should be for the wife and kids as if this mistake never happen and I have to accept my short comings and live with it.

BCSurvivor · 13/08/2023 16:25

I think we need to remember that - although it was an incredible selfish and reckless thing to do - that OP was aware that the money was going to be invested in crypto and agreed to it.
Something she didn't mention in her opening post.
Presumably if it had made a profit OP would have been happy with the investment.
But all money was lost so now it's all her husband's responsibility.

dressedforcomfort · 13/08/2023 16:36

Putting the crypto issue aside for one second...

OP, if you suspect he has a gambling problem, how tied up are your finances with his? Do you have a joint mortgage? I think it might be time to get some legal advice and get your financial ducks in a row so you don't suddenly find you're liable for any gambling debts he may be racking up. Not an expert on this area by any means, but I'd be worried about the house....

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:40

I’m not looking at shift blame this is 100% on me, yes she was aware of what I wanted to do and I assured her it would be ok. She allowed me to do it based on my assurances and that I would repay any lost money out of my own pocket, which I was happy to do as I foolishly thought I was going to make money.

she feels let down by me and I understand and agree I have let her and the kids down with losing the money. I can only put it right (money wise I will this week) and ask for forgiveness.

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:44

Hi

I completely understand your sentiment, but I can only tell you, I have no skeletons on the wardrobe, gambling debts or anything like that. I have no access to our joint account, our business account and we both have a monthly allowance that goes in an individual accounts. This I money that we spend on what we want. The rest of our money is on accounts that I can’t access.

my wife has fully control over our money. She has access to everything I have at all times.

rookiemere · 13/08/2023 16:46

I don't think it's fair to blame OP for this.

DH talks to me about his investments but he has his stop loss set to sell as soon as anything goes below 10% of what he paid for it.

He actually managed to double his crypto initial investment of £10k by pulling it out when it got to that amount, rather than being too greedy.

Deciding to risk the DCs entire savings on what the entire world knows is a risky business these days, was always going to be a vainglorious affair, and just because OP said yes doesn't mean she signed up to it all being lost.

Caprisunny · 13/08/2023 16:54

How on earth as the husband managed to take over this thread?

Sleepydoor · 13/08/2023 16:57

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 16:40

I’m not looking at shift blame this is 100% on me, yes she was aware of what I wanted to do and I assured her it would be ok. She allowed me to do it based on my assurances and that I would repay any lost money out of my own pocket, which I was happy to do as I foolishly thought I was going to make money.

she feels let down by me and I understand and agree I have let her and the kids down with losing the money. I can only put it right (money wise I will this week) and ask for forgiveness.

"my assurances and that I would repay any lost money out of my own pocket, which I was happy to do as I foolishly thought I was going to make money"

I don't really understand this story anymore.

You convinced your wife to let you use your children's money for a very risky, ill-advised investment but promised to pay it back if you lost it. No one here can understand why she agreed to this in the first place. You then, predictably, lost the money. She was furious and demanded you pay it back (as you promised).

Now you say you're very sorry and you are paying the money back. That seems to fulfill the original agreement you two had when you both decided to misuse your kids' funds in order to make some easy money for things like a holiday for yourselves.

So why are you getting a divorce?

Because you misled her when you said the investment was safe (but you didn't mislead her; you actually thought this was a sound investment?) or because you originally had no intention of actually paying back the money if it was lost (as you say you were only happy to pay it back because you thought there was no chance you'd have to)?

Or is she furious with you and herself that she let you talk her into doing something she now sees was stupid and morally wrong? It's a bit confusing.

Busubaba · 13/08/2023 17:33

The 'wife' stated -

'q he earns a decent wage and is just starting a new job. Side hustle yes he’s in the trades so he initially said he’ll do private work but now he’s backtracking a bit on this'

The 'husband' says he's an 'engineer'.

More holes than a colander:

JibbaJab · 13/08/2023 17:43

@Busubaba Yeah I picked up on that, weird.

Anyway, if it is OP husband would she return to the thread, be a bit awkward, no?

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 17:50

Not to give my identity away, I work for an engineering company as a manager but am still fully qualified in my field this enables me to earn money on weekends and evenings if I choose too, in recent years I have as time spent with family is more important but with the recent loss it’s a way to make some money

NoraButty · 13/08/2023 18:11

I called it when I said the OPs husband is manipulative and here he is, attempting to manipulate Mumsnet into giving him another chance.

It’s your wife you need to convince @dad19851983 , not us, and good luck with that seeing as she has a fully functioning gut instinct!

dad19851983 · 13/08/2023 18:20

Thanks for you opinion, I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything. The facts are the facts. I’m just on here owning it. Just giving my view

Swipe left for the next trending thread