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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband has lost our kids savings

352 replies

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:32

I am so so so annoyed/angry/upset/fuming.

my husband has invested all our kids savings in crypto mining and lost the f*ing lot £14,500.

I’ve told him he personally needs to pay it all back, he thinks he’s just going to replace it from our other investments. Telling me he’d be poor if he takes it from his monthly money. I’ve long suspected he has a borderline gambling issue. I’m absolutely raging, when I said I don’t think it’s fair it come from our other investments he tried to overbearing me because I said it wasn’t an option.

I’ve said his other options are take a personal loan that he pays for or pay back every month but he’ll need to calculate the lost interest.

I’ve also told him I want to split our money going forward so we split bills but then have our own money. I earn more than him btw.

am I being unreasonable or just full of red mist.

OP posts:

Original poster

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:34

I’m on the verge of telling him I want a divorce, youngest has just witnessed a huge argument between us she’s in absolute tears. I’ve just left the house as I’m so angry at his lack of accountability for his mistake

OP posts:

StaySpicy · 12/08/2023 16:37

YANBU. Are you sure this is the extent of the problem? If he does have a gambling issue then he may have other secrets with other investments or credit cards etc.

I would be worried and possibly lose some trust in him. Is there anything you can do to check all your investments/accounts? Like an experian credit check in both of your names?

Pinkpetunias23 · 12/08/2023 16:38

That's unforgivable in my opinion. Is he willing to get help for his gambling issue?

HermioneWeasley · 12/08/2023 16:38

You are absolutely not being unreasonable- he clearly has a gambling habit because he’s just lost £14.5k! I’d divorce him - his next step (if he hasn’t already) will be racking up debts which you will be impacted by if you’re married and live in the same property.

littleblackcat27 · 12/08/2023 16:38

Wowzers- that’s a big chunk of money- I’d be fuming as well.

is he even embarrassed?? He doesn’t sound contrite about it

WatieKatie · 12/08/2023 16:39

No absolutely not unreasonable. He has effectively stolen from his children.

Where has he taken the funds from? Was it current/savings accounts in their designated names, junior ISAs for example? If so he could well be in trouble.

How much of his own money did he invest and lose in this latest Crypto scheme?

I would insist he pays every penny back into a suitable, regulated investment where he has no access. If you have joint savings and investments I’d move to your sole name. At best he’s highly irresponsible, at worst a thief.

DoorstoManual · 12/08/2023 16:39

Tip of the iceberg I suspect.

DoorstoManual · 12/08/2023 16:39

Generally they only fess up when the sharks are circling.

shejokes11 · 12/08/2023 16:42

Separate accounts always n joint account for bills grocery kids etc

HowcanIhelp123 · 12/08/2023 16:45

He's poor because he lost nearly £15K.

Depends how you feel about it. I'd either go straight divorce, or give him the ultimatum. Seperate finances and he pays the £15K back personally no matter how poor it makes him or you divorce. Long run divorce will happen though, just a question of how much of joint assets he loses in the interim.

Original poster

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:46

I knew he was ‘investing’ their money he told me it was all in a secure wallet and if it went wrong he’d repay it. Now it’s at that stage it seems like he’s not actually prepared to take ownership of that mistake because he’ll be left with no monthly money.

no didn’t invest any of his own money to see if it was legit. He’s trying to say it was a bad business investment

hes defo embarrassed but I’m annoyed he’s not taking personal responsibility for it

OP posts:

shivawn · 12/08/2023 16:48

Oh no....I would definitely go with your gut and insist on separate finances. If he has a gambling problem then you could be looking at even bigger issues in the future.

JibbaJab · 12/08/2023 16:48

No you're not that's reckless. I've done crypto, what was he actually doing you said he had it in a wallet. Did he lose the wallet itself or did he put in crypto that crashes?

FrivolousTreeDuck · 12/08/2023 16:49

Taking out a loan would be counterproductive given the interest he'd pay.

Original poster

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:50

We’re meant to be moving into a new house at the end of the year too, poor kids don’t understand the implications of his mistake. They just don’t want us to break up

im trying not to resent him as if he pays it back himself that’s on him. I feel if that’s the option then he will end up resenting me

OP posts:

Original poster

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:51

@JibbaJab it was a scam. Put it in a ‘secure wallet’ that clearly was all part of a crypto scam

OP posts:

UsernameNotAvailableNow · 12/08/2023 16:53

I’m not sure I could go back from this. It’s such a huge amount of money. Is he so wealthy that he can afford to throw away £14.5k?

there have to be massive ramifications for this or else he’ll just do it again.

ug66smn · 12/08/2023 16:53

I don’t understand the lost it all. I know a fair bit about crypto.

has he

invested in a token that’s drastically dropped in value If so get the name of the token so you can verify on cmc
been scammed
lost the tokens through a problem with his cold storage.

reason I would establish this is to find out exactly what’s happening and what you could do next

ug66smn · 12/08/2023 16:54

xpost.

was secure wallet a physical device?

Original poster

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:54

@ug66smn it was a scam via a binance wallet

OP posts:

Busubaba · 12/08/2023 16:55

What an absolute fool.

There is lots of information and warnings ALL over the internet about these scams!

Unless you're a dead, dumb and blind nonagenarian your would have to be extremely stupid to fall for this.

His greed got the better of him and he is responsible for losing money that was not his but for his children.

Unless he was willing to take on a second hard working job to pay it all back and more then I would dump his pathetic arse.

Original poster

Helphusbandmessedup · 12/08/2023 16:55

@UsernameNotAvailableNow no he’s not wealthy. We have joint savings/investments but this was our kids savings and he assured me it was safe and if not he’d pay it back

OP posts:

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 12/08/2023 16:55

For me this would be an instant relationship ender.

But you knew that he was investing it and risking losing it - I don’t understand why you went along with it or didn’t check it out for yourself.

Even if he lost it and then repaid it out of his monthly money, you/your kids would still lose out as that’s family money.
And what happens if he left or died before it was repaid? You’d have still lost the money.

I think you were both very stupid.

AndrexPuppy · 12/08/2023 16:56

‘If he pays it back himself that’s on him’

Whether he pays it back or not, he’s still lost the money. The money he uses to pay it back won’t come off the magic money tree, presumably the family will still suffer the effects of the financial hole left by him needing to replace those funds? Or do you have separate finances and he is able to backfill the hole in a way that only disadvantages him?

category12 · 12/08/2023 16:56

If you stay together, you should try to get him to address his gambling problem. Maybe make it a condition of staying.

Also, do your best to separate finances and protect your interests in your home if you own. Kids' savings need to be managed by you and he has no access from now on.

Of course your kids want you to stay together, they're kids, but it's not necessarily for the best in the long term.

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