Husband told me to change my jumper before seeing his family

[Batima]

Last night I was travelling with my husband to his family for the weekend. We were going to have a casual dinner in his parents' house in the evening.

I was wearing a cardigan/jumper that I've worn loads before and which I really like and find useful. It's a beige short-length crochet open cardigan. It's semi-structured - so I think it's quite smart - and is a loose style so is useful for throwing over tops and dresses in the summer as an extra layer. I like it! And it's in a good condition - it doesn't look worn.

A few mins into our car journey, my husband looked a bit annoyed and said 'can we stop and get you a new jumper?' He then said it's unflattering on me, that it's too casual and he didn't like it. He said 'can you imagine your sister wearing something like that?' (he has said before that he thinks my sister dresses well).

I said I really liked that jumper, that I've worn it loads and he hasn't said anything before, and that I wanted to wear it anyway because it's a useful layer.

But he got annoyed and made such a fuss that I ended up putting it back in my case and wearing a jumper that he did like.

He said he should be able to tell me if he really doesn't like something I wear (and he's done so a few times before) - and that I can do the same to him.

I feel funny about that conversation last night, and feel a bit like he's easily embarrassed by how I look. Is this reasonable or am I being too sensitive here?

I think it’s the way he said it comparing you to someone else, particularly your sister, that’s the problem here!
I can fully imagine a conversation in my house before going out like along these lines…
me - what do you think?
DH - lose the cardigan?
me - hmmmm… keeps me warm and o think it looks ok tbh
DH - ok, well you asked. I’m not a fan of it

i fully get that OP didn’t ask though. I can imagine a scenario where my DH would have said unprompted ‘are you wearing that cardigan?’ as well. I wouldn’t necessarily change but I would have a think because I do value his opinion.

Totally different if he TOLD me to change and compared me to someone else!!

Oops. Cross post. See you've just posted a photo. It's ok. Not too offensive

Well I like the cardigan and would wear it to a family dinner.

That's a lovely cardigan and certainly smart enough!

What your DH really meant was that it's not sexy. Presumably he wants you as a candy appendage to himself.

I feel he fancies her sister and is projecting, as he cannot imagine sister in a beige cardi, so OP is spoiling his fantasy of having OP as a sister clone.

It looks ok to me (not my style personally.)

Maybe he doesn’t like it and you wear it all the time? He did sound rude though and shouldn’t have made you change.

An ex and I both had an honest conversation once about clothes we didn’t like on each other. I didn’t like his calf length shorts and he didn’t like my brown sandals. We laughed and I didn’t wear the sandals again as he had put me off.

'Can we stop and get you a new jumper' is so unnecessarily dramatic.

I think it's fine to suggest a different outfit if it's something that you appear to live and die in.

His wording was abrupt though.

Suggesting, in passing, another cardigan which might go well with your outfit - ok

Saying he dislikes what you’re wearing, having a tantrum and insisting you change - 🚩

That is not the same for me. There was something about the image the OP was presenting that her DH didn’t want presented to his family. The cardigan went completely unnoticed in other contexts. Weird dynamics there. If you scratch the surface is his family much more about image and appearance than being real with one another. Maybe that made him feel anxious.

It's certainly not scruffy. Is it because it's beige? I think beige can look a bit drab and meh. (But I mostly wear black which I know a lot of people think is drab so I'm not the best judge perhaps.)

@Batima - having seen your photo … that’s an awfully drab, sad looking thing.

I’m afraid ‘usefulness’ isn’t the only criterion an item of clothing should meet!

It’s just … nothing. Definitely not smart. Not a pretty colour. Or fierce. Or fluffy and huggable. Not something that would elevate a dress or pair of jeans. It’s housewear. And even in the house one could do better. Sorry!

But as I say - reaction to your husband’s words and manner depend on the exact context of your marriage.

So you chose to wake up this fine Saturday morning and be a dick?

Gotta have a hobby I suppose.

The ONLY time a man should comment on how you look is if a) he's saying something complimentary or b) you specifically ask his opinion on what you're wearing.

It's interesting that it took him until a few minutes into the journey to raise the subject.

Personally I dont think its likely to be flattering on anyone.

Well that’s your (unkind, over the top) opinion I guess.

It is weird......but I'm also a hypocrite because I often pull dp up on what he's wearing.......this thread's made me realise I sound like a bit of a twat and need to stop it.

I love the cardigan!

Personally I dont think its likely to be flattering on anyone

And?

The OP likes it. It's a perfectly presentable and unscruffy cardigan. I'm sure if you uploaded photos of your favourite pieces lots of people would find them a bit below par. But would it matter?

It's none of his business what you choose to wear. You're an adult.

I can't believe that people are openly admitting to telling their partners what to wear.

We'd never do that. It's a twatty thing to do

It's lovely. He's not.

OP asked for opinions

I wouldnt load pictures of my things because I dont need/want peoples opinions on them. Unless they're friends/family of course

The cardigan is perfectly smart enough (and nice too, but that’s irrelevant). Best case scenario, he has some weird thing against it and is misunderstanding its smartness level. Or just irrationally dislikes it. But even so it’s a shitty way to bring it up.