Husband told me to change my jumper before seeing his family

[Batima]

Last night I was travelling with my husband to his family for the weekend. We were going to have a casual dinner in his parents' house in the evening.

I was wearing a cardigan/jumper that I've worn loads before and which I really like and find useful. It's a beige short-length crochet open cardigan. It's semi-structured - so I think it's quite smart - and is a loose style so is useful for throwing over tops and dresses in the summer as an extra layer. I like it! And it's in a good condition - it doesn't look worn.

A few mins into our car journey, my husband looked a bit annoyed and said 'can we stop and get you a new jumper?' He then said it's unflattering on me, that it's too casual and he didn't like it. He said 'can you imagine your sister wearing something like that?' (he has said before that he thinks my sister dresses well).

I said I really liked that jumper, that I've worn it loads and he hasn't said anything before, and that I wanted to wear it anyway because it's a useful layer.

But he got annoyed and made such a fuss that I ended up putting it back in my case and wearing a jumper that he did like.

He said he should be able to tell me if he really doesn't like something I wear (and he's done so a few times before) - and that I can do the same to him.

I feel funny about that conversation last night, and feel a bit like he's easily embarrassed by how I look. Is this reasonable or am I being too sensitive here?

He looks like a massive boy scout!!!

Good for comedy value though

I think it's fine to tell your spouse that you don't like what they're wearing if you do it respectfully.

I wouldn't want DP feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable if I was wearing something he felt was inappropriate for the situation and vice versa.

I think if he genuinely thinks you could do with a new cardi then the time to say this would have been a couple of weeks before you left for a start

Can we have a pic?

I'm struggling to imagine a smart crochet cardigan.

Well yeah I might it’s funny but I wouldn’t tell my dh to change. I think it’s just so rude telling someone else what to wear.

My ex was always moaning about what I wore. I bought a new dress and he said he didn't like it. "Ok Nick, I'll inform you in advance each time I plan on wearing it so you know not to meet me" was what he got.

He said his previous girlfriend once dressed in a Wayne's World t-shirt, linen crop trousers, black pop socks and white slingbacks. Later I found she did it to piss him off because of all the moaning about what was in her wardrobe.

It's a red flag OP. This is how controlling abusive men start. Spot the flag. It sounds like he respects and fancies your sister.

He can certainly tell you he doesn't like something you wear. What he can't do is have a hissy fit if you decide to wear it anyway OR try to browbeat you into not wearing it. He sounds like a judgmental control freak.

It really isnt, its part and parcel of being in a relationship, you're a team and part of being a team is that you communicate to each other about things that are goood and things that arent so good

In any case he has a penchant for buying socks that have words on them, these are birkenstock socks where one sock has 'birken' on it and the other has 'stock' on the other leg

They are truly awful.

Nobody would bat an eyelid now at this but he said she looked like care in the community.

I'm picturing Pat from Ghosts now.

What a wanker.

You got it!

Nah his behaviour isn't passing the vibe test.

You sound like you were dressed appropriately for the situation: casual dinner with his parents. We don't have to love every item of clothing our partner wears but as long as it's clean and suitable it's not for us to police them in that negging way.

I'm quite sceptical that so many commenters wouldn't dream of commenting on their spouse's clothing.

Maybe your partner has great style all the time, but every single one of us has fashion pet peeves, and if your partner suddenly came out of the bedroom wearing <insert questionable choice here>, I find it very hard to believe that nobody would say a tactful word about it.

This image is really making me smile!

Well I'm waving more flags than a Communist Party Conference according to some Posters. I quite frequently tell my husband to change his shirts. I am not going out with him whilst he's wearing a skin tight t-shirt because he has a Beer Belly and looks awful.

My husband told me yesterday that the new blouse I bought made me look like a strawberry. I didn’t take offence. I think it depends what the rest of your relationship is like.

But it does seems weird as you changed into another jumper not a cocktail dress. So a jumper was appropriate. Why. It the on you liked?

I've just taken this pic of the crochet cardigan I was wearing!

Smart enough for a casual dinner at home with his parents?

Sorry, why not the one you liked, that should have said.

when I was wearing it last summer over a dress at a restaurant, his mum complimented it

So essentially he’s hated that cardigan for a long time? And you’re re-wearing something he considers scruffy at another family gathering - so possibly reflecting badly on him? Maybe he perceived a bit of ‘side’ in his mother’s remark that you didn’t pick up on.

I admit I’d be very hurt, in your shoes. And the bit about your sister was unforgivable. (Maybe needs thinking about separately?) But it’s a matter of context. If you generally have a supportive, respectful relationship where you know he thinks highly of you, then take it as being about the knitwear. If your relationship is tricky, anxiety inducing, controlling - that’s a different matter.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that cardigan and certainly nothing that should have elicited --

'A few mins into our car journey, my husband looked a bit annoyed and said 'can we stop and get you a new jumper?' He then said it's unflattering on me, that it's too casual and he didn't like it. He said 'can you imagine your sister wearing something like that?''

There are some very eccentric replies to this post.
Honestly I'd have no problem telling my OH if I didn't like what he was wearing ( in advance of course!) and vice Versa. I trust his opinion.

In saying that, I really need to see a photo of a loose beige semi structured open crochet cardigan in good condition because er... personally you aren't selling it that well 😂