Husband told me to change my jumper before seeing his family

[Batima]

Last night I was travelling with my husband to his family for the weekend. We were going to have a casual dinner in his parents' house in the evening.

I was wearing a cardigan/jumper that I've worn loads before and which I really like and find useful. It's a beige short-length crochet open cardigan. It's semi-structured - so I think it's quite smart - and is a loose style so is useful for throwing over tops and dresses in the summer as an extra layer. I like it! And it's in a good condition - it doesn't look worn.

A few mins into our car journey, my husband looked a bit annoyed and said 'can we stop and get you a new jumper?' He then said it's unflattering on me, that it's too casual and he didn't like it. He said 'can you imagine your sister wearing something like that?' (he has said before that he thinks my sister dresses well).

I said I really liked that jumper, that I've worn it loads and he hasn't said anything before, and that I wanted to wear it anyway because it's a useful layer.

But he got annoyed and made such a fuss that I ended up putting it back in my case and wearing a jumper that he did like.

He said he should be able to tell me if he really doesn't like something I wear (and he's done so a few times before) - and that I can do the same to him.

I feel funny about that conversation last night, and feel a bit like he's easily embarrassed by how I look. Is this reasonable or am I being too sensitive here?

Regarding the cardi itself, that oatmeal colour and the boho-ish crochet-ness limits what it can be combined with. If the whole outfit was kind of feminine, romantic and ‘country’ looking, then it would look okay, but it could easily look wrong. Oatmeal looks a bit like it was white and got put in the wrong wash if it is worn with stronger colours and crochet doesn’t look great with plain, unpatterned fabric.

Rude and controlling. You’re an adult who has presumably been dressing yourself for years, why would you need his input? I’m struggling to imagine a scenario where my parents would notice or give a toss what my partner wore to dinner at their house. A gimp costume or tracksuit bottoms pulled down to expose his pants would draw comment, perhaps. An inoffensive cardigan not so much.

I’d make it my business to wear that cardigan everywhere. Anniversary dinner. Valentine’s Day. His birthday. Christmas Day. New Year’s. Buy a couple of duplicates so you can wear it every day for a year. Don’t talk about it, just do it. Out-cardigan him.

Haven’t read all the replies. I agree with mentioning if something isn’t flattering on someone but to insist they change is not on! And the comparison to your sister is humiliating.

I have said to my DH if something doesn’t suit him eg wearing a colour that washes him out. If I was wearing something that looked terrible, I’d like someone to tell me but there is a way to do it sensitively making it about the particular item of clothing and not the person wearing it.

That's the point you have worn this cardigan to death op, it's time to move on.

I didn't have anything to drink last night but 10/10 for whacking out this old MN reliable.

But yes, I must be tipsy for thinking that criticising your wife's outfit as you set out on a journey, and saying 'can we stop to buy something new', and comparing her unfavourably to her sister, is ridiculously ott. All for an inoffensive cardigan.

I don't see an issue with telling a partner you don't like a particular item of clothing but his timing and his comments were unkind.

It must seem acceptable behaviour to you.

Dh's dad did this to us once. We were away for the weekend together and due to meet up with fil's sister (so dh's aunt) for a meal. Fil insisted the clothes we had weren't smart enough so took us shopping. And proceeded to himself wear a ratty old pale yellow polo shirt stretched nice and tight over his beer gut

Fil is a controlling prick. I hope @Batima that your dh isn't.

What's wrong with re-wearing outfits? I've owned and worn my fave jumper for 35 years!

Granny bed jacket vibes. It’s the sort of thing my 94 years old Mother would have said she was too young for.

I think the cardigan is absolutely fine - and we don't owe it to the males of the species to dress at the height of fashion and sexiness at all times!

Your DH was rude and over the top. If he didn't like the cardigan there were ways of gently mentioning this over the past year you've been wearing it. But the way he did it certainly wasn't one of them!

What exactly did you change into as a jumper doesn’t on paper sound any smarter?

Is your husband a style guru?

Do you often disagree on style, eg wallpaper, furniture?

Regardless there are nicer ways to tell you he’d prefer you to wear something else and also how much does it actually matter if someone is the love of their life.

Just because you don't recognise your stereotyping and how problematic that is, doesn't stop it from being so.
Also could you own your statements rather than assuming you speak for everyone? When you say "we" you are assuming everyone agrees with your view - they don't.

I also police my husband‘s clothes! I don’t see anything wrong with it - if he looks awful I tell him
And vice versa. He tells me if something isn’t nice or flattering. Good feedback.

Me and DH comment on each others clothes all the time and he would definitely have something to say if I went out in that cardigan.

Op I must insist you go out and buy it in every available colour..

I think it looks fine 🤷🏼‍♀️ your DH really shouldn't be telling you to change your clothes for a casual dinner at home with his parents...

Wow. He's a psycho

I'm suspecting this may look more "worn out" than you think.

And like others I've told DH he needs to put something smarter on so of he said the same to me then I wouldn't co.plain if he did the same. (I'd probably be so stunned that he actually noticed what I was wearing, but that's another story)

I'd not have took the cardigan off and I'd of proceeded to wear it everyday.
Add a brooch each day to really draw attention to it and tell him your sister has a matching cardigan whilst musing on how creepy she'd find it if she knew he was assessing what she wears.

I find particular types of clothes on men really attractive. But they’re not DH’s style and I don’t try to get him to wear them, or influence his clothes in any way. If I wanted to dress a man I’d buy a Ken doll.

I don’t solicit his advice either these days; I did in the beginning but I felt I lost my identity and self expression a bit. It’s more important to me to feel like myself in my clothes than to dress for my body shape/colour palatte.

I would have no problem saying or being told that we might need to go a bit smarter or more casual, but I think your dh was waaay over the line.

OP I think we need a back story. Do you wear this cardigan often? It seems to me that it is your go-to cardigan for all sorts of occasions and perhaps your husband has got sick of seeing it?
I must admit, my words when I saw the photo were 'oh dear'.

This! I'm genuinely agog that people are telling their partners they don't like what they're wearing! I wouldn't want to go to anyone's house for dinner if they were going to judge me for wearing a very normal beige cardigan.

Maybe my DH has good dress sense, and generally looks appropriate for the occasion but I would never comment on what he's wearing unless he asked and vice versa.

I don't think he'd wear long socks and shorts but I couldn't care less if the window cleaner saw him if he did, I guarantee they see much worse! I can't imagine living my life worrying about things like that. This thread is an eye opener!

Men in the UK generally do look terrible unless they're told what to wear

They either look like overgrown babies with calf length 'shorts', enormous ugly trainers, white socks, football shirts, ugly polyester all over, ill fitting clothes,,, or they look like elderly men

YOu dont see this abroad, men wear nice chinos, smart shoes or smart casual shoes, nice linen shirts etc

That cardigan is nice, I’d wear it. It’s sad that he doesn’t want you to be comfortable. I wouldn’t have given in to him, it’s a slippery slope.

It's perfectly nice in itself, but it's very short. Would look nice over a dress, but if you wore it over a top, the top would stick out underneath, and that would indeed look very scruffy in some people's opinion (including mine). I'm wearing a jumper shorter than my top right now because that's what I threw on to be at home, but if I were going out (oops, I am later) I'd change.

I agree that the way he brought it up was rude. He probably bit his tongue earlier and then it just popped out. It's not the end of the world, just let him know to tell you earlier in future. Wouldn't you tell him if he'd put on a look that didn't work?

If you were wearing it over a nice dress, however, you were looking perfectly smart already.