Husband told me to change my jumper before seeing his family

[Batima]

Last night I was travelling with my husband to his family for the weekend. We were going to have a casual dinner in his parents' house in the evening.

I was wearing a cardigan/jumper that I've worn loads before and which I really like and find useful. It's a beige short-length crochet open cardigan. It's semi-structured - so I think it's quite smart - and is a loose style so is useful for throwing over tops and dresses in the summer as an extra layer. I like it! And it's in a good condition - it doesn't look worn.

A few mins into our car journey, my husband looked a bit annoyed and said 'can we stop and get you a new jumper?' He then said it's unflattering on me, that it's too casual and he didn't like it. He said 'can you imagine your sister wearing something like that?' (he has said before that he thinks my sister dresses well).

I said I really liked that jumper, that I've worn it loads and he hasn't said anything before, and that I wanted to wear it anyway because it's a useful layer.

But he got annoyed and made such a fuss that I ended up putting it back in my case and wearing a jumper that he did like.

He said he should be able to tell me if he really doesn't like something I wear (and he's done so a few times before) - and that I can do the same to him.

I feel funny about that conversation last night, and feel a bit like he's easily embarrassed by how I look. Is this reasonable or am I being too sensitive here?

She probably meant exactly what she said @roseotter. Quite common on MN for pp to make massive leaps from scant information. No reason to suppose she said it sarcastically.

Not necessarily- just that it's not a banned subject in most relationships. My standards are very high, thanks, which is why I am single.

That is not the sort of thing a nice man says to his partner.

Why does he think he has any say over your body or how you dress?

This

It's one thing to comment on clothing that you don't particularly like on a spouse, it's a whole different thing to compare your spouse to someone else. Knob.

So.. women have to have a hand in their wardrobe, as I said before.

Gosh there seems to be a really low bar on here from some quarters as to what is acceptable from a spouse. He didn't just make a harmless comment about it, he was unpleasant and through his behaviour pressured her mid journey to change out of a pretty innocuous item of clothing for a casual family event AFTER she said that she liked it.. That is NOT acceptable and IS controlling.

This thread has made me reflect on some interesting double standards in my own relationship. (Also I need an update on whether the window cleaner came and if the DH lowered his socks in time )

My DP is sad that I got rid of my skinny jeans (which I wore all the time for 10+ years) and have started wearing mom jeans and baggy wide leg jeans with big turn ups. He says he found my bum and legs sexier in the skinny jeans. I like my new jeans because I feel more fashionable and also I kind of like it that they are less sexy and flattering because I feel like my jeans are saying "I don't care that my bum looks big" because I have accepted my fabulous big bum now. It's a statement bum now instead of something to try to disguise.

DP totally accepts this and wouldn't dream of trying to get me to change my jeans. However I have banned a pair of his jeans that he bought from Sainsbury's, pulled off and threw away the tags BEFORE trying them on and then they looked so bizarre and hideous I couldn't cope. They looked like tight denim underpants with wide, flapping legs sewn on. He said they were "dad jeans" like women wear "mom jeans". Just No.

So.. women have to have a hand in their wardrobe, as I said before

No they don't. Not everyone lives as you do.

Somehow that doesn't seem like a compliment to me.

Why not just say that she liked it?

Well you know her!

The comparison with the sister would really piss me off.

He sounds awful.

That's well out of order and manipulative too, as if you weren't good enough to be seen with
The comparison with your sister would really annoy me too
I hope your weekend improves

It may sound odd but I don’t really see a cardigan as part of an outfit…it’s just a sort of neutral layer to keep me warm. I think the cardy is fine but then crochet cardigans were fashionable in the early 90’s as part of the 60’s revival. It’s a look I’ve always loved and stuck with.

If a man told me that he didn’t like what I was wearing I’d lose all respect for him because I’m very confident about my clothing choices and I’d think he had bad taste if he didn’t like them😆

@wordler - finally, someone who interprets the MIL’s comment exactly as I did!

Husband definitely an arse - but I suspect there may have been some husband-family conversation on OP’s dress sense that made him hyper-critical.

But I haven’t seen the other threads by OP that pp have mentioned, so it’s hard to say what’s really going on.

Like the poster further up, I value the complete freedom of single life and not having to question all my tiny choices (perfume, lipstick, Internet use, friends) because of what a partner might say. Been there, done that …

Wearing it twice in the same people's company is wearing it death. Fucking hell. Even if she has it's entirely unreasonable of him to comment on it. Wearing something actually offensive maybe, wearing something completely out of expected style (jeans and trainers to a black tie dinner) maybe. If the person asks for an opinion maybe. But otherwise it's just rude and designed to undermine.

Cardigan is fine, suitable for plenty of occasions and the H is being a dick to make any kind of deal about it.

Please, never ever let anyone tell you what you should wear! Especially your husband. He married you for you not what jumper your "not" going to wear incase you embarrass him. I wonder what advice you'd give if you have a daughter and her husband spoke to her like that? I have a feeling you'd tell her wear what she likes and feels comfortable in. Conversations like this can easily escalate into other areas your husband doesn't like.. hair, make up, food choices.. and bringing your sister into it is why out of line. You seem to know he was wrong ( even though in the end you changed your top ) hold on to your own judgement just because your married doesn't mean they own your self worth! Don't put up with anything you feel uncomfortable with EVER!! Keep your chin up and he'll stop throwing nonsense when he knows his unacceptable opinions are going in one ear and out the other. Xx

Quite. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t have some say in their DH’s wardrobe.

I do, but only when he asks my opinion. I don't go telling him I don't like something or making suggestions. But he cares more than I do. He asks my opinion sometimes if a shirt and trousers to which I usually don't really know anyway. I don't ask him because I'm not interested in opinions on my clothes.

I was speaking of the women of my acquaintance if you recall. I am not speaking of those I am not acquainted with - there enough badly dressed men in the U.K. for it to be clear that some women don’t care and some have given up.

I can’t believe there is any other opinion on this thread than that the husband was being a controlling arse. They were on the way to the dinner. MIL’s view is also irrelevant.

While getting dressed would be OK, if said lightheartedly enough, in many relationships.

Crochet is like marmite you either love it or hate it.
He obviously feels the latter.

Fuck that

This isn't style and fucking beauty. There's nothing inappropriate or scruffy about the cardigan.
The fact that people are commenting on whether they like a normal inoffensive cardigan rather than the fact that ops husband waited until she got in the car to tell her he didn't like what she was wearing, compared her unfavourably to her own sister then threw a fit until she changed is absolutely beyond me.

I'm wondering if some pp are doing it just to be goady @Itsnamechange? Slow Saturday perhaps?

It's because you've worn it loads so he feels you didn't 'make an effort' but he was completely tactless in how he communicated this.

It's been really interesting to read these posts - thanks all.

I haven't worn the cardigan an excessive amount of times. I just like to whip it out in the summer sometimes because it's a useful light-but-warm layer over things on a cool evening. I don't wear it all the time! So I don't think he could be sick of it from me over-wearing it.

It just happens that i wore it with his parents before - but only once. My mil would never diss my clothes to him behind my back. So it's not about that.

Thanks to those who have approved of my style choice 😂

To those who don't - I get the point about it maybe being a bit dowdy.... but I do like beige though 😉

I think it was the comparison with my sister that got to me most.

I'd have shot that down personally with, "I like it and I'm wearing it!"

Do his parents live in Buckingham Palace?!