Husband told me to change my jumper before seeing his family

[Batima]

Last night I was travelling with my husband to his family for the weekend. We were going to have a casual dinner in his parents' house in the evening.

I was wearing a cardigan/jumper that I've worn loads before and which I really like and find useful. It's a beige short-length crochet open cardigan. It's semi-structured - so I think it's quite smart - and is a loose style so is useful for throwing over tops and dresses in the summer as an extra layer. I like it! And it's in a good condition - it doesn't look worn.

A few mins into our car journey, my husband looked a bit annoyed and said 'can we stop and get you a new jumper?' He then said it's unflattering on me, that it's too casual and he didn't like it. He said 'can you imagine your sister wearing something like that?' (he has said before that he thinks my sister dresses well).

I said I really liked that jumper, that I've worn it loads and he hasn't said anything before, and that I wanted to wear it anyway because it's a useful layer.

But he got annoyed and made such a fuss that I ended up putting it back in my case and wearing a jumper that he did like.

He said he should be able to tell me if he really doesn't like something I wear (and he's done so a few times before) - and that I can do the same to him.

I feel funny about that conversation last night, and feel a bit like he's easily embarrassed by how I look. Is this reasonable or am I being too sensitive here?

There's a difference between just not sharing a partner's taste for neon colours/ band t-shirts/ socks and sandals and going to an occasion with them where what they are wearing is inappropriate because it's threadbare/too casual or indeed formal/and may cause embarrassment. If my DH put on shorts and a t-shirt for our DC's graduation ceremony or got out a dark suit and tie for a burger at the local pub with friends I'd definitely say something. That's not being controlling.

The OP's situation is different though. She wasn't wearing the t-shirt and leggings she does the housework or gardening in. What she chose was perfectly appropriate and indeed her MIL had already complimented the OP on it on a previous occasion.

I don't think there is any problem in telling your other half if you don't like something they are wearing but personally I couldn't imagine either of us expecting even minimal effort for an at home dinner with parents. That's home, that's family, why dress up?

I'd say that cardigan is casual, fine for wearing at home or popping to the local shops but not really for going to lunch with parents or out otherwise.

@Batima what was your husband wearing? And how do your inlaws normally dress wheen you visit? If your husband had made an effort, e.g. shirt and nice jeans/trousers or smarrt top and trousers then maybe thought you were a bit too casual and it looked like you couldn't be bothered to make an effort and didn't want to visit his parents.

He should have a said something more dipomatically than that before you set off though

The cardigan is fine for a family gathering. You aren’t visiting Windsor Palace for a do with the King. You DH was rude.

Could it be that if your mum likes it, he takes issue with you dressing in something he now perceives as being to his mum's taste? It isn't necessarily about her age, she might be only my age, but she is still his mum and therefore an older generation than him. He perceives you as dressing older than you are, hence the comparison to your sister.

It isn't necessarily the specific style of the cardigan, more the association it has created for him.

"I'd say that cardigan is casual, fine for wearing at home or popping to the local shops but not really for going to lunch with parents or out otherwise."

It was a CASUAL lunch at the pils' home!
Fine for wearing at home and popping to the shops would be a hooddy and tracky bottoms. That cardigan shows some effort has been made.

The mental gymnastics to justify this controlling twat are insane.

Sounds like a non issue to me

No it wouldn't have been fine, they were having some food round her in-laws, a "casual dinner". Why should he dress her wherever they happen to be going, it's weird. She didn't get dressed and invite an opinion on her outfit "what do you think" if he'd replied "I prefer x jumper" in that situ then fine, but she wasn't inviting opinion or asking if her outfit looked OK, she liked what she was wearing. It's weird and controlling to think you should dress your husband or wife.

The sister comment is really not OK either, he shouldn't be comparing you, he married you not her.

Yep.

Do you have the same cardigan by any chance Gwenhwyfar?

Caveat to the above, we tend to sync up the day before ("what sort of clothes are we wearing tomorrow - casual or smart?") and dress accordingly.

Is that you, Kath Day-Knight, co-ordinating with Kel? 😂

Is he by any chance called Kanye West? You wear what you want to wear and dont let anyone make you feel self conscious.

That cardigan is horrible. What were you wearing it with?

This wouldn’t have bothered me. It does look a bit drab. My husband doesn’t really comment on what I wear but the few times he’s had, I’ve changed. This week I bought a bikini for our holiday. It was bright orange and he howled laughing when he saw me and said ‘what possessed you?’ I laughed, he was right.

Its quite a young fabric and style not old fashioned, also the in think is to wear socks with sandals nowadays so some posters clearly don't spend much time with teenagers 🤣

I’m struggling to understand the controlling arse, red flag comments. If he was that much of a controlling arse, why has it taken him a whole year of op wearing it regularly to say he doesn’t like the cardigan? It sounds more like he’s fed up with it or was reminded of his mother’s comment and doesn’t want you to dress in comfortable, practical clothes that his mum likes.

Quite. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t have some say in their DH’s wardrobe.

But comparing unfavourably you to your sister is shite.

I haven’t read the full thread, just came on to say that your other half sounds like a bit of a controlling prick! If you like it, that is what matters.

I don't get why socks with sandals is considered so scandalous either?
As long as someone's clothes are clean and cover the necessary, and don't include offensive slogans, I honestly don't understand why anyone cares.

Blimey what an idiot. Did you marry him as some sort of penance? Controlling and bolshy is what he sounds - tell him that this isn't acceptable and you will wear what you please.

Would he have refused to be seen with you wearing it? Is the only reason you changed your mind because he laughed? Orange is very ‘in’ for swimwear at the moment!

Quite. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t have some say in their DH’s wardrobe

I don't. He's a grown adult with his own tastes.

Did he make a comparison with the kind of bikini your sister wears?