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Original poster

I’ve just found out my partner got with his ex when she was 14 and he was 19!

181 replies

Mlt · 03/08/2023 10:47

So, I’ve just found out my partner got with his ex when she was 14 and he was 19. He’s 28 now
he says they did nothing at all until she turned 16 but I’m finding that hard to believe, we’ve been together for quite a while now and I’ve just found this out they’ve got a kid together they were together about 8 years and the kids 2 but it’s concerned me I can’t stop thinking about it. What would you all do? He’s such a lovely man so good to me but I can’t get over this. I’ve asked him about it and he did lie about his age at first then told me the truth and it makes me sick! Tia x

OP posts:
GallaBru · 03/08/2023 23:13

Vile. I have a 14 year old. I can’t even begin to fathom this.

on the other hand , I know of someone who was 15 and with a guy who was 19. He got her pregnant, and the baby was indeed the evidence that brought him to court in the end (I don’t know the outcome)

lingmerth · 04/08/2023 00:07

I met my husband when I was 15 and he was just 19. As far as I was concerned we were both teenagers. I was mature for my age and he was a 'young' 19 yr old. Most of my friends were in similar positions. We went to the local disco and met local lads. Nobody thought about age differences.
Maybe it is an era thing. This was in the 70's.
I'm not condoning 14yr old girls v 19 yr old lads but some girls do dress and act older than they are and get into pubs and clubs and are obviously going to meet an older age group.

anon1888 · 04/08/2023 00:32

14 year old's don't get into pubs these days. Fortunately everyone is stricter now.

My 17 year old got asked for ID when he tried to buy an energy drink because they are only for 16+

UnicornStarfish · 04/08/2023 00:35

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anon1888 · 04/08/2023 00:55

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Born with hairless bodies?? We all were, then we hit puberty (which I didn't until I was 14). Normal people aren't sexually attracted to people who look like babies.

They were together for 2 years before she was legal. He knew her age.

Stop blaming underage girls for sleazy men's behaviour.

Your post disgusted me. Revolting.

anon1888 · 04/08/2023 00:57

And I don't know who you know but a 12/13 year old will never look 25 no matter how much make up they put on.

What the hell is wrong with you.

retinolalcohol · 04/08/2023 00:58

Sorry OP but if he was having a romantic relationship with a 14 year old at 19, he was a paedophile at worst (if they were having sex, which is likely) or a groomer at best.

It wasn't a 'different time' - it was only 10 years ago. I was 14 twelve years ago and if any one of my friends had been seeing someone who was 19, I'd have reported him. It is just so so predatory.

At 26 I couldn't consider having sex with anyone under 21 even, so the idea of this man waiting for a 14 year old kid to be 'old enough' (if he even did wait) gives me the creeps. What does an adult man have in common with a child?

anon1888 · 04/08/2023 01:03

@UnicornStarfish reported.

holdupholdup · 04/08/2023 01:04

Op hasn't said that the 14 year old lied about her age though. As far as we're aware this man knew he was in a relationship with a 14 year old and he had no issue with this. This wasn't in the 70s (in my opinion still not okay but far more common) This was in 2014. The age of consent is 16 for a reason and obviously ops partner has shown he has no respect for that law.
My step daughter is 13, she doesn't wear makeup apart from mascara. She looks at least 16. I'd be furious if a 19 year old tried to get into a relationship with her.
Also to the people saying it's confusing for men because they might have met a girl in a pub for example and assumed she was over 18. I can accept that 30 years ago that might of been the case. Nightclubs used to let anyone in when I was a teenager no questions asked..(still think after 5 mins in the company of said girl it would become very obvious you aren't talking to an adult woman.) I can't imagine In 2014 nightclubs are full of 14 year olds.

retinolalcohol · 04/08/2023 01:04

And can confirm that things just aren't the same anymore as they were when some posters were younger. I'm 26 and cannot get in anywhere or buy alcohol without ID - at all. Ever. I certainly couldn't when I was underage.

My point being 10 years ago this likely wasn't a man becoming confused about a girls age in a pub, as would've been possible in the 70's or 80's, or her 'seeming mature' - the most likely scenario is that he groomed her

UnicornStarfish · 04/08/2023 01:13

There were drunk kids at Leicester Square just last easter. It's illegal, yes, as it should be. I didn't see their IDs but I doubt they were all 16 let alone 18.
Have a look around Brick Lane... Have a look around Chancery Lane at a time when kids leave school. They've still got their uniforms but they're carrying a Mulberry and a face full of Love Island makeup. Some are seriously young.

anon1888 · 04/08/2023 01:17

UnicornStarfish · 04/08/2023 01:13

There were drunk kids at Leicester Square just last easter. It's illegal, yes, as it should be. I didn't see their IDs but I doubt they were all 16 let alone 18.
Have a look around Brick Lane... Have a look around Chancery Lane at a time when kids leave school. They've still got their uniforms but they're carrying a Mulberry and a face full of Love Island makeup. Some are seriously young.

Stop looking at children.

retinolalcohol · 04/08/2023 01:25

UnicornStarfish · 04/08/2023 01:13

There were drunk kids at Leicester Square just last easter. It's illegal, yes, as it should be. I didn't see their IDs but I doubt they were all 16 let alone 18.
Have a look around Brick Lane... Have a look around Chancery Lane at a time when kids leave school. They've still got their uniforms but they're carrying a Mulberry and a face full of Love Island makeup. Some are seriously young.

Even not wearing a school uniform, drinking, smoking etc most people can tell the difference between an adult woman and a child wearing a lot of makeup/revealing outfit.

Any man with a bit about him would also check before starting a relationship. It's one of the many banes of my life - I look younger than I am and so often the men I'd like to date (28-33) think I'm too young for them at a first glance. And I'm 26!!!!

Anyway this is all irrelevant given that the OPs partner knew her age and continued to date a 14 year old as an adult

UnicornStarfish · 04/08/2023 01:30

I'm a woman. I can't help but notice children I feel should be at home and wonder how they're going to get home. And wondering if they're going alone or they're getting ditched by their friends. Go ahead and sue me. What this guy did was despicable but young girls shouldn't be served on a platter nor made available, ever. Predators look like normal people, it's not like we can tell by looking at them. They're also everywhere but obviously certain places are just ripe for them. Sorry, that's my opinion. Go ahead and report me.

anon1888 · 04/08/2023 01:36

You're a woman...ok.

Served on a platter???

How about we don't lock girls up and perverts stop being perverts.

I already have reported your post about hairless bodies on 14 year olds. Disgusting.

UnicornStarfish · 04/08/2023 01:40

I was talking about men thinking grown women have no hairs on their legs. I wasn't talking about 14 y.o. having hairless legs. You're projecting your perviness on me! Does anyone sane think perverts are ever going to be a thing of the past? That's wishful thinking. Go ahead and report, you're entitled to it.

anon1888 · 04/08/2023 01:45

Yes, I'm the pervert. I'm the one watching school girls as young as 12, thinking they look 25 and wondering how they will get home, noting down their make up and thinking they should stop 'putting themselves on a platter'.

Get lost creep.

anon1888 · 04/08/2023 01:47

And normal men don't think woman don't grow hair on their legs! Wtf is wrong with.

NewName122 · 04/08/2023 02:07

Why would a 19 year old want to date a 14 year old. That's sick. My sons 16 now but if he had been groomed by a 19 year old at 14 I'd have the police involved. He groomed her.

crapactually · 04/08/2023 07:17

UnicornStarfish · 04/08/2023 01:30

I'm a woman. I can't help but notice children I feel should be at home and wonder how they're going to get home. And wondering if they're going alone or they're getting ditched by their friends. Go ahead and sue me. What this guy did was despicable but young girls shouldn't be served on a platter nor made available, ever. Predators look like normal people, it's not like we can tell by looking at them. They're also everywhere but obviously certain places are just ripe for them. Sorry, that's my opinion. Go ahead and report me.

You're vile.

holdupholdup · 04/08/2023 10:31

Wtf have I just read.. Teenage girls can wear all the makeup they like. They are NOT putting themselves on a platter by wearing lipstick. It is NOT confusing for men.
Men can tell the difference between a 14 and a 25 year old. Ops partner could tell.. he just didn't care because he is a filthy dirty nonce!
You seriously need to have a word with yourself. It's victim blaming crap like this that stops girls and women from reporting predators. It's the equivalent of saying a woman is asking for it by walking home alone or wearing a short skirt!!!! STOP!

porridgeisbae · 04/08/2023 10:32

Ewwww. You're not wrong OP.

StephanieSuperpowers · 04/08/2023 10:57

holdupholdup · 04/08/2023 10:31

Wtf have I just read.. Teenage girls can wear all the makeup they like. They are NOT putting themselves on a platter by wearing lipstick. It is NOT confusing for men.
Men can tell the difference between a 14 and a 25 year old. Ops partner could tell.. he just didn't care because he is a filthy dirty nonce!
You seriously need to have a word with yourself. It's victim blaming crap like this that stops girls and women from reporting predators. It's the equivalent of saying a woman is asking for it by walking home alone or wearing a short skirt!!!! STOP!

I don't think those posts were coming from women and mothers. I think they were coming from perverts and men who are very keen to push the idea that young girls are setting out to deceive innocent men with sexy feminine wiles and there's literally no way to tell if a girl is 14 or 34 by just looking at her. Obviously, you wouldn't actually speak to her to make that determination, because all women are mentally arrested at age 14, as far as they know.

ToeToeToe23 · 04/08/2023 11:53

I was 16 when I met my now husband and DF to our two children, he was 25. That was 13 years ago. My parents were hesitant at first but realised soon after that we were serious.

I don't agree with her been 14 as I wouldn't have done it then but at 16 then why not? They lasted 8 years it wasn't like he was just trying to use her.

Hibiscrubbed · 04/08/2023 11:54

ToeToeToe23 · 04/08/2023 11:53

I was 16 when I met my now husband and DF to our two children, he was 25. That was 13 years ago. My parents were hesitant at first but realised soon after that we were serious.

I don't agree with her been 14 as I wouldn't have done it then but at 16 then why not? They lasted 8 years it wasn't like he was just trying to use her.

I’d have been horrified as to why a 25 year old man was so interested in an immature 16 year old. The power differential is so wrong.

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