@SensetheTone I just wanted to say you're doing great. I am now a month post the initial separation from my STBXH. There was no confirmed cheating (I still have my suspicions, but time will tell on that one). I can't even say it was hard or a shock because we had our difficulties for a while. But I was terrified at the thought of being on my own. I'd also been with STBXH half my life and my entire adult life. I'd never lived on my own. Never even slept in a house on my own.
My advice is to be hard faced about it and get the practicalities sorted first. Work out what you want and what is best for the children. Ideally you want the children to remain in the family home to minimise disruption to them. Can you afford the home by yourself and can you afford to buy him out? Questions you need to honestly answer by yourself.
You really need to emotionally detach from this one. What custody arrangement is best for the children? You might not want them with him 50/50 but would your kids miss him etc? Who can practically do the school runs etc? Who is the most hands on parent etc? As much as it pains me to be apart from my DC that long, 60/40 in my favour was the best thing for our DC.
Get onto CMS and work out how much maintenance you'd be entitled to based on your preferred custody arrangements. Also get on Entitled to see if you'd be entitled to any UC top ups. Don't presume you're not. I was surprised how much I could get and have also realised I'm entitled to certain benefits for DC due to their condition.
It's hard but you need to detach all emotion from this process. Forget what relationship you once had. Treat him as you would someone you have a professional relationship with. Pleasant but detached. Don't do favours. Don't feel bad for him. Don't worry about how you look or what is fair. The only fair is what is fair for your children. The children need to be your priority here. That will probably mean maintaining a civil demeanour to your DH when you want to stab his eyes out with a spoon. And never, ever, ever blame him in front of your children. Reassure them you both still love them very much and they will still see both of you. Give them lots of hugs and cuddles. Give them space to talk about their feelings.
God, I've gone off on one! It's been the hardest thing I've ever done but it has also been so, so, so much easier than I ever expected. You can do this!!