Just found out H is cheating

[SensetheTone]

Long-term poster but name changed for this.

To cut a long story short - we’re on holiday with our two DC and I have just found out my husband of ten years has been cheating with a work colleague for the past three months. I had to catch him out (via messages on phone), he didn’t confess. I am all over the place, and also dealing with two very confused children, one of whom has grasped what is going on and is really upset. I don’t know what to do next and was hoping for a handhold and maybe some tips on moving forward. I don’t think I want to carry on as I can’t see how I can ever trust him again but am just overwhelmed by the idea of splitting up - we’ve been together for half of my life.

Yes! This!

Good luck with todays solicitor chat OP.

Good luck today. Sure you don’t need any advice about how to hire a lawyer that suits… but a ‘shit hot’ one (SHL in MN parlance) is what you need and deserve.

Beware and be prepared for the 'why are you breaking up the family and depriving the children of their father?' narrative. (It's DARVO and gaslighting in play).

Practice and be ready with your replies

You ended our relationship when you ...

You destroyed our marriage when you ...

You left our family when you ...

You lost my respect and love when you ...

You abandoned our children when you ...

You decided our marriage was worthless when you ...

(Insert behaviour here)

@JFDIYOLO totally agree! I've actually used a few of those myself in response to me deciding to leave the family home.. erm excuse me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hope today goes well OP and I hope you are managing to get some sleep and eat a little.

Excellent advice.

Its all on him.

Rattling off things on a loop won't suit him at all.

Hope your advice chat went ok and they can assist or refer you to a suitable Solicitor.
Did he leave as planned?

Thank you again for the supportive messages. The solicitor was really helpful. I am managing to eat a bit but sleep is still tricky. H has moved out. Just taking it one day at a time.

Good morning OP.
You have done the hard bit.
Count sheep (I count black trousers as I have so many pairs).
Look at a few cottages online if that is your thing.
Don't go on the wine, it won't help.
Read a bit of empowering self help writing. I think you have had a few suggestions.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My god, he really is deep in denial isn't he?? The utter cheek of him is beyond belief. Have you asked him, seriously how HE would feel if it had been you lying, cheating, leaving him with the kids whilst you were sneaking around and shagging someone else? I am so impressed that you managed to keep your cool. Singing along to the radio?? God, I would have wanted to cut his balls off. Keep going op, you are doing brilliantly and you cannot argue with stupid.

Good Morning @SensetheTone . Just coming on here to say that I am glad that the solicitor was helpful yesterday and your %!! of a husband has moved out, so at least you haven't got to contend with him 24/7. Taking it one day at a time is definitely the best attitude to have.

It will be hard, but you WILL get through this and come out the stronger for it on the other side. And be good to yourself when you can. With you in spirit, all the way. Take Care

OP,you are doing brilliantly. I would recommend you read 'Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life ' (also the Chumplady website is great) 💐

Your being so strong and your future is so bright . Your an amazing mam and you deserve the best . You will find it when you least expect because you’ve set your bar as high as needed to deserve you . Well done . Keep going x

Another vote for chumplady - that book, website and Facebook group have saved my sanity over the past year

God its so hard, I've been where you are. They really as pathetic and tragic that they all do " the script"

I got a book on amazon called " leave a cheater, gain a life" was reccomended to me on here and it helped me so much.

You will get through it, but be prepared for him to start being a nasty shit.

Try listening to a podcast to help you sleep. Whenever my mind is racing I turn on a podcast and it gives my brain something to listen to so I can sleep.

You’ve got this @SensetheTone ! 💪🏻

@SensetheTone I hope you and the kids are OK. How are you feeling after the meeting with the solicitor?

Hopefully a progressive week @SensetheTone ?