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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Argument 4 days ago..no contact but hasn't changed profile picture of us

153 replies

Littlemisslonley · 30/07/2023 19:15

Sounds childish I know....

We had a huge argument 4 days ago over contact he's having with his female friend which I deem inappropriate sending her love hearts and saying stuff like "you look gorgeous darling" lots of voice notes and videos sent to each other. We argued he left and since then we have had no contact however he's not unfriended me on socials or changed his WhatsApp picture from a picture from us and it's driving me insane as to what this means?!

It sounds so childish writing it but I really don't know where I stand anymore with this

OP posts:
YoSof · 30/07/2023 19:16

Why would you want to stand anywhere with a man who speaks to other women like that and then ignores you for days after an argument?

Slothlikemum · 30/07/2023 19:17

Why are you waiting for him to tell you where you stand?
Decide!
If that were me I'd know exactly where I stand which is that I don't care what he thinks... I'd be single and move on.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 30/07/2023 19:18

First answer has nailed it.

ThatDayIBecameFree · 30/07/2023 19:18

Good lord, the actual issue here is not his social media pic 🙄

Tlittle · 30/07/2023 19:18

Ltb

Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2023 19:18

Why do you need him to tell you where you stand? Shouldn't you have told him to fuck to the far side already? He's behaving in a completely inappropriate manner, yet here you are, waiting on him to slither back. FFS. End it.

xPeaceXx · 30/07/2023 19:19

Is he giving you the silent treatment instead of acknowledging your concerns? Have you talked about it even once? or did he just shut you down instantly with DARVO, defensiveness, attacking your, martyrdom, ie, he's the victim of you not thinking the best of him.

This waiting around to see if he's talking to you or not is torture. If he does initiate contact, will it be on the ''condition'' that you do not bring up the issue that you wanted to discuss?

I might be biased becajuuse my mother used to give me the silent treatment but I just cannot stand it. I would draw a line under it and say ''hi, I feel like you're showing me that you just cannot and will not discuss something that is important to me, so I'm drawing a line under our relationship here today. Wishing you the best. Bye''

Whattodowithit88 · 30/07/2023 19:20

Cheating in plain sight, if you take him back what does he have to loose, nothing…just means his found someone who will put up with it. He doesn’t want to loose you, but not because you are you, because he wants cake and to eat it. Why have 1 woman when he can have more?

ConnieTucker · 30/07/2023 19:26

YoSof · 30/07/2023 19:16

Why would you want to stand anywhere with a man who speaks to other women like that and then ignores you for days after an argument?

This. Come on, op, he is loud and clear.

have some counselling before dating again.

Dailysalt · 30/07/2023 19:48

Simple mind games. His waiting for you to apologize and take him back. I get the feeling he knows your weakness and his taking full advantage of it.

rwalker · 30/07/2023 20:05

The thing is he’s probably thinking the same sounds like stalemate where nether is going to speak first

Original poster
Littlemisslonley · 30/07/2023 20:23

Your all so right. Why am I waiting to hear from him or for him to change his sodding picture? He's the one who's fucked it up and made me loose the trust that I found so hard to give! His lack of communication simply means he doesn't give a shit doesn't it and he's playing mind games with the non change of profile picture and social relationship status...what a tool I am!

Think I'm just hoping he messages about my stuff and my dcs stuff that's been left at his house but again.... I'll just replace it... sod this your all so right thanks for the head wobble

OP posts:
YoSof · 30/07/2023 20:32

Littlemisslonley · 30/07/2023 20:23

Your all so right. Why am I waiting to hear from him or for him to change his sodding picture? He's the one who's fucked it up and made me loose the trust that I found so hard to give! His lack of communication simply means he doesn't give a shit doesn't it and he's playing mind games with the non change of profile picture and social relationship status...what a tool I am!

Think I'm just hoping he messages about my stuff and my dcs stuff that's been left at his house but again.... I'll just replace it... sod this your all so right thanks for the head wobble

Please block his number and end the relationship now.

He’s training you to not question him, he thinks if he ignores you for long enough when he does come back (and he will), you’ll be so relieved you won’t bring up the original issue.

You deserve so much more. Take your power back - get rid of him, focus on you for a while then go and find someone decent. There is not a worldwide shortage of men.

Bewildbefree · 30/07/2023 20:37

Because he’s hoping you will message and apologise so he can act like he’s done nothing wrong.

Do not do this.

messaging another female to tell her she is gorgeous. Hard no.
Block. Delete. Move on.

Original poster
Littlemisslonley · 30/07/2023 20:44

Thanks all
You've really made me realise what an idiot I've been accepting this for so long....thanks everyone

OP posts:
Amybelle88 · 30/07/2023 23:43

I'd be telling him to change the picture the cheeky fucker!

I'm not against friends of the opposite sex in the slightest but he's taking the piss with those messages!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/07/2023 23:46

Maybe think more about what you want

you want change ? And you want him to prioritise YOU
as of not the problems will continue and get worse

Original poster
Littlemisslonley · 31/07/2023 13:12

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/07/2023 23:46

Maybe think more about what you want

you want change ? And you want him to prioritise YOU
as of not the problems will continue and get worse

Yeah he should of prioritised me 100% it's not the first argument we have had it was the final straw though... back off or I'm gone.
Just plays with my mind!

OP posts:
Wheredoistart78 · 31/07/2023 17:15

Fuck that op.

GentlemanJay · 31/07/2023 17:17

One thing i l armed recently. Don't die wandering. Ask him a simple question. What's going on. Are we still an item. If the answer is no, then get on with your life.

GentlemanJay · 31/07/2023 17:18

Dailysalt · 30/07/2023 19:48

Simple mind games. His waiting for you to apologize and take him back. I get the feeling he knows your weakness and his taking full advantage of it.

This.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 31/07/2023 17:29

Also delete him
then you can’t text him and won’t see his Profile

Original poster
Littlemisslonley · 31/07/2023 21:01

I know I should block delete move on but part of me really wants my stuff back well actually not even my stuff my daughters bike if am honest! And I also wanna see if he is just going to ghost me or if he's actually ever going to message me? It's pathetic after what he's done and he's broken me so badly.... I also should just send the message and ask wtf but I've always chased him after the argument and after this my self confidence and esteem is so low I can't do it...

I go from being fuck you you broke my trust big time your a dickhead to being a broken mess in cycles

OP posts:
Hawkins009 · 31/07/2023 21:02

Sometimes people, keep the same profile pic, even when the relationship is in pickles.

Original poster
Littlemisslonley · 31/07/2023 21:02

Oh and he changed his profile picture from us to a pic of him and his son tonight.... its just a picture but I feel like that's communication he's also online alot...

OP posts: