Argument 4 days ago..no contact but hasn't changed profile picture of us

[Littlemisslonley]

Sounds childish I know....

We had a huge argument 4 days ago over contact he's having with his female friend which I deem inappropriate sending her love hearts and saying stuff like "you look gorgeous darling" lots of voice notes and videos sent to each other. We argued he left and since then we have had no contact however he's not unfriended me on socials or changed his WhatsApp picture from a picture from us and it's driving me insane as to what this means?!

It sounds so childish writing it but I really don't know where I stand anymore with this

Yes.. block him. Just block him.

Argggh I want to shake you so bad!! He’s twisted everything on to you! It’s a classic technique- DARVO.

Please do some reading on trauma bonds, abusive relationships, all of it. If he gave a shit about you do you really think he would treat you like this? He’s doing whatever the fuck he wants, with whoever he wants, knowing full well you’ll take all of his shit and beg for him back. Please just stop! Right now, end it. Do you really want to live your life like this? Years more of this?!

Block him, stop looking at his social media and trying to guess what message he’s trying to give you. He’s a twat and you don’t need that sh#t in your life.

Your all so right.... I've been in a really abusive relationship before i should see this in plain sight yet here I fucking am being an absolute dick... I've done a few things he's brought up that I can understand him being cross with me about but not unfixable things

Those things are irrelevant as the reason he left was because you called out his shitty behaviour. Just like you should have.

If you want to save face you can just text 'no need to think things over, I have and it's definately best if we part ways. This is not healthy and I'm no longer happy in the relationship'.

Send anything he left at yours back to him by recorded delivery. Or drop it at his relatives place. Or have a friend take it to him.

And then block him.
Don't agree to meet in person.
You don't owe him anything. He's a scumball.

OP I strongly recommend you do The Freedom Program.

If you’ve been in abusive relationships before and not done any work, you are highly likely to find yourself in a relationship with another abuser. That’s what is happening here.

^ this

Op think about your kids. Your eldest has had at least two step dads. I know it's really difficult.

Slept on all your advice. Thank you for your words.

I feel different about the situation now, how he's handling this and the way he's treating me, the fact I called him out about something and he ignored me the whole time afterwards etc etc

The way he's flipped it onto me is really awful. That's abusive in itself...

Update

On Monday when we spoke he asked me to ring him Wednesday to discuss more...text him wednesday saying I'll ring you around 8.30pm...he replied "I'm really not upto talking"

The lack of care or respect for me says everything after all I said on the 2 hour phone call Monday how I'd change the things he's brought up etc etc

I'm disgusted at myself for even trying for this guy who so clearly doesn't give 2 flying fucks about me

I'll replace my stuff. Fuck him.

For heaven’s sake stop flattering this worthless individual! He’s probably revelling in you chasing him.
Honestly OP you’re worth so much more than trying to get him to change his mind, do you genuinely want to be anywhere near someone who clearly doesn’t give a toss about your feelings?
Block him. Everywhere.
He’s never going to be worth the angst.

have you signed up for the freedom programme yet op of any counselling at all? As this behaviour of yours is just shocking at this point.

I've signed up for the freedom programme and I've looked at better help for counselling too

I didn't even reply to his message it was the final head wobble I needed to be like woah no way. I can't believe I actually thought he was a "really nice guy" what an idiot I am

What is preventing you from deleting his messages, deleting your call list, blocking his number and deleting it? Because without doing that you are using him to beat yourself up.

So have you deleted and blocked his number?

Op it sounds like we’re getting at you and we’re really not - a lot of us have been here before. I know I have.

What we can tell you is, from an outside perspective you look like you’re chasing a man who is treating you like shit and obviously has no respect for you. HE did this. Have you forgotten how he was acting with the other woman? You said you’d woken up yesterday feeling different and then you say you text him again to organise a chat?

You need to stop contacting him. However hard it feels, you need to find the strength to block and delete him and go no contact. With the greatest kindness your behaviour is desperate, and it’s clear to us all that he doesn’t give a shit and is probably loving you humiliating yourself over him.

If he was a GOOD man, he wouldn’t want to cause you any hurt. Even if he didn’t want to be with you, he would end it with kindness and respect. He’s absolutely vile, he really is.

Only you can decide what happens next. No contact or carry on acting like this.

Op you're not listening

You didn't block him. You contacted him.

You're still putting him in this position of power over you.

He rejects you. Again. So you come back here to say you're done. But you're not really.

Do the freedom programme.

In the meantime block him. Actually cut him out of your life.

Thank you all 😘
Your all right I've been such a fool. I've blocked him. Both from WhatsApp and actual phone number so he can't call me. Removed him off socials and deleted his number. He's gone.

I'm going to read and reread all these posts if I wobble and remind myself what my worth is! While doing the freedom programme !!

Well done OP. I PROMISE you this is the first day of a brand new start for you.

Please do the work, you deserve so much more than these toxic men and abusive relationships.

Take some time to be single, build your life up again. What do you like doing? Do you have a lot of support in real life?

There are some really good threads from the past on here that might help, Google 30 days no contact and it should bring some up.

You are worth more. That’s it, bottom line.

Also, prepare yourself for him to come crawling back promising the earth when he realises you’ve blocked him.

Its more manipulation - he doesn’t expect you to take control, he expects you to be part of these games he plays and he won’t like it. Don’t fall for it, it’s an ego boost for him to see if he can get you to fall back in line again x

Stop being pathetic and be a good role model for your daughter, for goodness sake.
This bollocks is why the cycle continues.

I'll Google that now thank you

I have 2 children and literally nearlly no support at all so real life is hard I don't really know what I like to do because I'm mumming 24 7!

Had abit of a angry stage today so that's good! Thanks for your support

I don't know how he would contact me now to crawl back however if he did the answer is firm no! I don't deserve this treatment!!!

You’re very welcome. I’ve been exactly where you are right now.

I had counselling
Did the freedom program
Spent hours reading on abuse, codependency and trauma bonds.

Followed a lot of accounts relating to the above on Instagram
Cried a lot
Got angry
Cried a bit more

But I got there, and you will too. I kept going back for years - years of my life wasted on a piece of shit. He made me feel crazy.

I’m happy now. He isn’t. Because the problem wasn’t me, it was him. It will always be him, whoever he is with. Take good care of yourself x

Wait, so you still haven't even attempted to get your daughter's bike back? I think your daughter deserves her possessions back. This isn't fair on her.