Argument 4 days ago..no contact but hasn't changed profile picture of us

[Littlemisslonley]

Sounds childish I know....

We had a huge argument 4 days ago over contact he's having with his female friend which I deem inappropriate sending her love hearts and saying stuff like "you look gorgeous darling" lots of voice notes and videos sent to each other. We argued he left and since then we have had no contact however he's not unfriended me on socials or changed his WhatsApp picture from a picture from us and it's driving me insane as to what this means?!

It sounds so childish writing it but I really don't know where I stand anymore with this

Your right.......your so right.

Umm I wouldn't even message. Just send a pal to collect my stuff.
Hold your chin up. Don't explain anything to him? Has he offered you anything - any explanation? No! Your giving more of yourself then he is giving.

Babe, the guy is a arse who clearly doesn't give a crap. He would have been in touch. Even after horrendous fall outs my partner stays in touch. Maybe coldly, maybe less loving while we're both angry. But never silence. Silence is when you NO LONGER CARE.

Let him go. Don't put any more power in his hands.

That message is too long, just ask when can you get the stuff back and give him his stuff

Don’t send that message.

It reads like you’re only messaging to get a response, and what? He’ll give you a fake apology and you can get back together.

He doesn’t care.

However hard that is to accept, he does not care. He is treating you like this because you let him. He won’t be sat all sad trust me, he’ll be doing whatever the fuck he likes while knowing that whenever he’s ready he will click his fingers and you’ll come running.

Block him.

God don't send that message!
Send two people you trust to call in and be 'neutral collectors of stuff'
Get stuff.
Forget him.
Stop needing him to validate your pov, he won't, his opinion is not important, but your message tells him it is.

Thank you for the head wobble. Your all right. I won't send any message at all I'll do nothing and next week when my sister is free I'll send her on a mission to collect my stuff for me and return his stuff.

Just a hard pill to swallow now 😪 it is over I should be glad it is because the mistrust he's placed is horrible and cuts so deep...

No no no that message just shows you still have feelings and want him to care. Which gives him all the power. We need steely dismissal. You need to cut it off at the first line - getting stuff only. He doesn't deserve a single bit more of your precious heart.

The only message would be: can you let me know when you won’t be in so I can collect DD’s bike.

you know he’s waiting for you to grovel and chase don’t you? Break that toxic cycle.

Oh sorry my fat fingers took so long to type that I didn't see your latest post OP. Sending sis sounds good.

You are trying to reason with someone who will use whatever you say against you. You wouldn't be breaking up if he was trustworthy and reasonable. He isn't so that won't charge.

Silence is genuinely the best approach. It will make him feel frustrated that he can hook you back in.

@Littlemisslonley It's SO hard when a relationship ends abruptly like this. I had this happen once and I was as infuriated as I was upset - it robs you of the chance to say your piece and have the last word! But it is definitely better for your self-esteem in the long run if you don't try to have that conversation. It's not going to turn out the way you want and it's just going to make you more miserable. All you should do is send a text going 'My sister is free on xx day to pick up my stuff, including DC's bike. I want it all back. If you won't be there, please let me know another suitable time for sister to come round to collect.'

@Littlemisslonley yes girl!!!!! You are doing so well. Stand your ground. Keep talking on here if it helps keep you strong.

Thank you all so much. Your all helping me so much right now I'm really grateful to you all.

I'll send my sis and I'll get her to msg him so I don't have too...just ignoring me like this is so wrong, it shows what an utter arse he is to just cut me dead....last month we were discussing how we could move in together and how he hasn't never been so much in love....lies...

We spoke. Well messaged. He wants nothing to do with me basically and turned it all around on me... why am I so heartbroken!? He broke my trust 4 times badly why am I so sad

Because you cared
because he provided some intimacy and affection
because you feel rejected

it’s ok to feel sad and don’t invalidate

but do delete every single trace of him xx
and heal and lots of self care

Because you can’t help how you feel. As hard as it is, go no contact now. It will be hard for a few days, but you will be ok 100%. Start dating again. Lots will say don’t do that yet, but in my opinion going on a few dates after a break up helps. It’s always helped me to just get back out there even if I’m not looking for anything serious

I would if I could tbh to take my mind off things however I have absolutely no child care so I can't do anything like that. I'm trapped in summer holidays with kids.. not messaged him since we spoke yesterday via message no tried to call or anything I'll stay strong and go no contact

No one at all: I do appreciate it’s hard, I had 4 kids as a single mum, trying to date was bloody difficult. Do your kids not see their dad? Definitely do keep up the no contact it’s the best thing

No both don't see their dad's so hard isn't it!! Messes with your head because ex knows how trapped I am too.... honestly I'm going out of my mind!

Take out all the stuff that isn't about getting your stuff back. That is all you need to contact him about now.

OK just seen update. Have you arranged to get your stuff back? That's the only issue you have left to deal with him now.

No sadly that went out of my head when he replied to me and basically spun it all as it was my fault... I ended up saying we can get through anything and please see through it and see us and let's get through it. He stopped replying and that was it. But I left my self esteem on the floor.

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact it is over and he's decided it when it should be my choice after the mistrust he's placed into my head and the things he's done....his female friend lives in another country where he is from...he's going there to see family in a few weeks I can't get it out of my head he will be with her discussing me like I'm crazy....

Oh @Littlemisslonley I feel bad for you but you're not crazy, you had a normal predictable hurt reaction to being treated badly.
But next time get turned off by somebody treating you badly.

I've sent text messages I regreted but really the issue to fix comes long before the text message that u do or don't send.
Next time, and take a long break to remind yourself you're OK as you are, and then feel viscerally repelled my messes and players who think you are some resource they can plunder. Eugh. That is so shabby.

Because you're in a pattern of behaviour. You have two ex’s who do not see their children, so they sound like crap. Now this guy who is a piece of shit to you and yet you begged him to stay. You've really poor boundaries. Counselling would be beneficial. You might be able to find an online one as more suitable since you dont have much opportunity to leave the house.

Thank you your so right. I should of stepped back had some space 8 months ago and reassessed when the first 3 things he did happened and fixed or gone then not let this continue your so right... thanks for making me feel better