Ok, you say she’s menopausal yet she was like that before?
so, women don’t just get to menopause overnight. Women go through perimenopause for years and years before final menopause - which is defined as when periods stop for over 12 months. But that doesn’t mean , for many women, that all the horrendous “menopausal” symptoms stop. I’m 60 and still have hot flashes, flushes and all sorts of issues with vulva , ache and pains, uti etc
To have completed menopause by 50 she’d have been at the very younger age of completing menopause and has probably been dealing with hormaonal issues for anything from 5-10 years earlier.
so what you’re saying, needs clarification - it is very possible that it DID start as part of perimenopause, and it is also possible she is now experiencing some menopausal symptoms still.
even something like UTIs and bladder control can put a lot of post menopausal off sex- the embarrassment of peeing all the time- and frankly there’s not a lot of help out there for some women. Constant UTIs and interstitial cystitis is common - I suffered from that and actively feared sex as it would set off symptoms. It took me 8 years to get a successful treatment for that despite numerous hospital interventions.
so, I think you need to perhaps clarify with your wife about when she went off sex, and to find out if she’s afraid her menopausal body will cause her embarrassment with sex. Don’t say she’s needs to go to GP- al lot of GPS see menopausal women as just that and effectively tell us to put up with a load of shit symptoms (like my UTIs) and put it down to “aging”. So, really gently question her, find out if fear/shame/ embarrassment about her body is a cause.
if it’s not physical, than it is probably hormonal. A lot of women do become asexual or even bisexual post menopause . We call it out as something to be fixed, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s just how some women react to the drops in hormones post menopause. Our whole feelings change towards sex and desire, in exactly they did when we reached puberty.
one thing to check on yourself about. When you want sex, how much do you build up to it? Have you got to a point that physical affection is limited by you to a precursor to needing sex. Could she be sensing this- that every kiss and cuddle is a nudge to announcing you want sex. This seriously isn’t uncommon and if left unchecked it becomes “sex pesting”. Maybe set some boundaries, that you start by just physical closeness , sitting together, hugging holding hands for a few months, then add in some cuddles, then some kisses. BUT all the time agreeing sex or any form of sexual contact is off the table . Make it” safe” for her to express her affection back to you, without feeling like you’ll take it as a green light for sex and push into next stage. Slow right down. Back off. Explain what you’re doing, and very slowly, even over a couple of years, between you agree to building back to a safer space of intimacy. She may never want intercourse, but there are other ways to have physical intimacy that both benefit you, and allow you to achieve climax.