Page 37 | Dh had a lapdance. I feel broken

Rabbithole90 · 2023-07-24T20:49:54+00:00

I always thought I would be ok if he ever did it. Never goaded him doing it whatsoever or encouraged but he's come home from a stag do and spent OUR money on it. £40. I feel cheated on. I know I've not been. But I can't help how I feel. I'm so upset

JenniferBooth · 09/08/2023 20:15

@Spanky123 Ive never been to see a male stripper in my life.

JenniferBooth · 09/08/2023 20:17

Drink driving is against the law but in BOTH cases drink is involved. No one forces anyone to drink Its not mandatory

EAP · 09/08/2023 20:31

How would you feel if your husband left you cos you saw a stripper at a hen do?

QueefQueen80s · 09/08/2023 20:52

JenniferBooth · 09/08/2023 17:24

i dont know about you but i couldnt bring myself to have sex with a man who did this to me. Why should i hold my nose to force myself to do so Your post demonstrates that you think women are just there for the pleasure of men. What about womens pleasure and how that is affected by a partner doing this. Once you have the ick there is no going back. And as for a few drinks. Im fucking sick of drinking being used as the excuse. Funny how its not used as an excuse when someone gets behind a wheel of a car after drinking.

Exactly.. they want MORE sex, they want a partner who is sexually engaged and excited by them.. Yet they do these things that give us the ick and push women even further away.
They make women insecure. An insecure woman does not want sex..

QueefQueen80s · 09/08/2023 20:53

EAP · 09/08/2023 20:31

How would you feel if your husband left you cos you saw a stripper at a hen do?

I'm pretty sure the women here against strippers don't see them themselves. I wouldn't be seen dead somewhere with a male stripper.

QueefQueen80s · 09/08/2023 20:54

OoooohBobMonkhouse · 09/08/2023 19:14

When you get the ick, you get the ick. No need to stay with a sad sack loser these days, chuck him back in the pond, girl.

👌🏼

JenniferBooth · 09/08/2023 21:11

YY @QueefQueen80s I would struggle to reach orgasm with a man after he did something like this and i wouldnt be able to bring myself to have sex with him anyway. So womens pleasure coming second as usual. And yes to the insecure comment A woman naked in front of a lover is in her most vulnerable state. This vulnerability requires trust. And that trust would have been broken.

QueefQueen80s · 09/08/2023 21:22

JenniferBooth · 09/08/2023 21:11

YY @QueefQueen80s I would struggle to reach orgasm with a man after he did something like this and i wouldnt be able to bring myself to have sex with him anyway. So womens pleasure coming second as usual. And yes to the insecure comment A woman naked in front of a lover is in her most vulnerable state. This vulnerability requires trust. And that trust would have been broken.

Exactly. I feel at my most sexual when I'm made to feel like the only one for their eyes. A goddess

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2023 21:30

If you follow lalalaletmeexplain on insta or her ok magazine column she's just done a good question and answer on this

Masterofhappydays · 09/08/2023 21:42

WhaleSharkBootySweat · 09/08/2023 18:07

@Masterofhappydays ok so how would you end your marriage non dramatically? Because when children are involved, it will always be a big deal to them.

I wouldn’t end my marriage ‘non dramatically’ because my husband would have already ended our marriage himself when he entered a strip club.

Reframe your thinking. I wouldn’t be doing anything .

And as for me; if it were to happen (I’m sure it won’t, my dh is great and I’m an ex stripper, so he knows there’s usually broken humans behind the women dancing), I’d be asking the dh to move out of the family home. If he wouldn’t then I’d move out. I’d co parent amicably and other than having their father around day to day, my children’s lives would have been buffered with as a minimal changes as I could do. This is why it’s so fucking important to not rely on a man!
There would have been way more impact on children’s lives if I were to stay with someone who I had no respect for, who didn’t respect my gender, who I’d eventually resent. Staying together for the children is an outdated and usually harmful (for all involved) concept.

Anyway for me, it’s hypothetically thinking, I believe I have a good dh who wouldn’t do this. However, if he did, HE would be ending the marriage the moment he entered a strip club or brothel or any other woman’s knickers….

Mondaymanic · 09/08/2023 21:46

I'll be honest... I'd be pissed off, disgusted and definitely give him the cold shoulder for a good while. But I wouldn't end my marriage over it if it's a good one otherwise. I would however tell him never again.

What you're feeling now will pass (if it was me it would), it'll sting less in time. Sending hugs though... Horrible x

Mondaymanic · 09/08/2023 21:48

I also think these 'cool girl' comments are ridiculous. People are fallible and make mistakes. 🤷

TeaMistress · 09/08/2023 21:49

It's cheating. It's a profoundly hurtful betrayal of his supposed fidelity and commitment to you. There is nothing ok about spending family money on an exploited lap dancer. It's utterly immoral and disgusting.

Spanky123 · 09/08/2023 22:00

Mondaymanic · 09/08/2023 21:48

I also think these 'cool girl' comments are ridiculous. People are fallible and make mistakes. 🤷

This.

Masterofhappydays · 09/08/2023 22:02

TeaMistress · 09/08/2023 21:49

It's cheating. It's a profoundly hurtful betrayal of his supposed fidelity and commitment to you. There is nothing ok about spending family money on an exploited lap dancer. It's utterly immoral and disgusting.

Exactly.
Yet the women are still seen as the ones “ending the marriage” because they’re not wanting to remain married to someone who has cheated. I can’t comprehend!

”People make mistakes…” pahaha. That reminds me of the little Britain clips where the prime minister was like “was taking a walk in the park, tripped over a stick when my trousers fell down and I landed inside my secretary’s vagina”….

If a wife were to strip off and stroke her vulva across a colleague’s face and wiggle her breasts on her male colleagues faces, how many husbands would see that as harmless fun?

Masterofhappydays · 09/08/2023 22:04

Btw ‘cool girls or cool wives’ are the ones who don’t mind their husband going to strippers etc. You’re using it in the wrong context.

mommatoone · 09/08/2023 23:06

Not this 'cool wives' bollocks again for those who dare to have an alternative opinion other than LTB!

This has been talked about previously on this thread, and its not helping the OP one bit !

JenniferBooth · 09/08/2023 23:14

@Rabbithole90 how was France?

MumGMT · 10/08/2023 00:32

Deadringer · 09/08/2023 17:29

I hate the expression 'withholding sex', what does it even meant? Sex is an intimate act that happens between 2 people who both want it to happen. Not wanting it for any reason is not withholding sex, it's just not wanting it. And knowing that your dh has had another women's naked tits and arse in his face is as good a reason for not wanting it as any.

Agreed. It's an awful term which doesn't apply to the scenarios described 99% of the time.

It's obvious that the OP has had a very strong reaction to what has happened, does it seem likely in any way that she wants to actually have sex with him in any way?

Acornsoup · 10/08/2023 01:12

Women have the right to refuse sex any time they like. They don't even need a reason. If someone feels sex is being withheld for any reason they should question their own behaviour first. People in heathy happy adult relationships rarely refuse sex.

Zanatdy · 10/08/2023 06:52

Mondaymanic · 09/08/2023 21:48

I also think these 'cool girl' comments are ridiculous. People are fallible and make mistakes. 🤷

Absolutely. All these women saying I’d leave immediately etc, if you’re the OP you’re left thinking maybe you’re not strong enough to end it straight away as so many other women would do it immediately, despite having kids, long marriage etc. Most wouldn’t walk straight out, and we see that in posts on here. Most women are prepared to try and recover from hurt, whether that’s an affair or something else. There’s nothing wrong with trying to fix it if that’s what you want. In this instance it’s difficult as OP’s DH doesn’t appear sorry, and OP has taken this badly.

I personally think that with the strength of your feelings over this OP (and it doesn’t matter if the rest of us wouldn’t care about this or not, it’s about how you feel) you should think about ending it. Your DH isn’t sorry and therefore it’s impossible to discuss and find a way forward. Your decision, but I personally think (and doesn’t make me right, just what I think) that if someone is prepared to try and move on they can’t keep dragging it back up in every argument, and I think you’re going to do this due to how hurt you are over it. Life is short; very short, don’t waste it in this marriage when it’s over now

pocketpairs · 10/08/2023 15:56

Surprised at your response, it's just a 5 minute lap dance, and he even told you about it. Think you're definitely overreacting.

pocketpairs · 10/08/2023 15:57

To add, absolutely silly IMO to destroy a marriage (and elements of your life) over something so minor.

QueefQueen80s · 10/08/2023 16:17

pocketpairs · 10/08/2023 15:56

Surprised at your response, it's just a 5 minute lap dance, and he even told you about it. Think you're definitely overreacting.

😂😂

montecarlo7 · 11/08/2023 02:45

pocketpairs · 10/08/2023 15:56

Surprised at your response, it's just a 5 minute lap dance, and he even told you about it. Think you're definitely overreacting.

Oh! Only 5 mins then of a stranger's tits and fanny in your face. That must be OK.