Think I need to leave .....

[Eteiene]

I'm torn between thinking I'm over reacting to all this ( and it'll just blow over) or it's down to "stress"/ depression ....or I don't know what ..

And thinking I need to leave my relationship..

It gets complicated looking for outside help or support from local women's aid as ironically my husband works ( and therefore has friends and colleagues) in a connected area ..so I feel even more trapped...

I'm wondering if I'm being oversensitive and melodramatic to think his behaviour is "abusive" but there have been lots of things that have happened over the years ( and escalated lately) that make me question it ...

Of course any time I've raised how I've felt about any of the behaviour ( silent treatment for days/ weeks on end, sulking, mocking/ rolling eyes, passive aggressive comments , swearing and storming off when things have happened that are frustrating but he takes as intentional and " to get at him" ( eg if I've lost something, dropped something, need to go back in the house to grab something I've forgotten, lots of other examples but that level of things ...I think he thinks I'm an idiot ...)

There's been a handful of times he has grabbed things off me when angry and then if I've been upset he's got even more angry and silent..and then blamed me like I'm stupid for being upset ...or like he'll suddenly change and be seethingly angry if I get in the car and drive in silence then he'll be all nice to people we are going to see .... Or I'll hear him on a work call all jolly and chatty and he won't say more than 2 words to me all evening I get short, clipped angry replies and "nothing" if I ask what's wrong ...

Everything I do I feel is wrong or I'm second guessing myself ...there's lots more examples but don't want to "out" myself publicly ....not that I think he'd be looking on Mumsnet but I don't know what anything anymore really ...

I don't easily have anywhere that I can go and I'm worried I'm just making a big deal out of nothing ...

But the feeling in the pit of my stomach everyday when I hear his keys in the door ...I don't know ...

Thank you - there really are some wonderful people here. Please know I am happy to chat and share experiences, if you ever wanted or needed that. We’ll get past this 😘

Thank you @Cdk92 sorry I'm coming back so late to this.
I'm a couple of months (almost) out and feel like the enormity of it all is hitting me... including how terrified I was towards the end, even without overt/ excessive physical violence, there was something utterly terrifying about him , as well as the dehumanising of silent treatment and other things (that I don't want to be identifying on a public forum ) ....
I'm still in some limited contact but can breathe so much easier now I'm not living with it 24/7 . With Christmas coming up things have felt intensified .... and there is lots that is still very up in the air and uncertain but nothing like being at the mercy of someone elses temper/ moods 24/7 ...

I wanted to say thanks again to everyone who read and posted and replied to this as I genuinely am not sure how much worse things would have got .. and to anyone reading this who might be in a similar space please, please reach out for help , there are genuinely people who will listen and support you

Eteiene x

I hope you’re able to focus on each day at a time. There’s no shame in whatever you’re feeling 💙 and well done for sharing this, I know it resonated with me deeply so you’re helping others I’m sure.

Do reach out if you need to x

So glad you are still out and not succumbed to love bombing or sweet talking. Does it help if I say how proud I am of you?

I'm a couple of months (almost) out and feel like the enormity of it all is hitting me... including how terrified I was towards the end, even without overt/ excessive physical violence,
Yes, I can still feel the terror building up for weeks just before I told him I wanted out. Right now I'm back in survival mode as we are no further forward since he keeps pretending he hasn't time to find out about his pensions or fill the FO in. However I will be pushing for a mediator once our "cooling off" period is finished at the end of January. I'm buying bottom drawer things for when the house is sold, things that will/give me pleasure but previously felt too guilty about buying...like a slow cooker or a 2ft Christmas tree.

Merry Christmas and a Happier New Year @Eteiene and everyone else who is struggling 🎄🍾

Thank you @Cdk92
I think focusing on one day at a time is a good idea ...it feels overwhelming at the moment to get too far ahead of myself. I'm sorry it resonated for you, its so tough ( though glad it can help others too)

Thank yoy too @Pixiedust1234
Thank you ...I don't feel I've done loads to be proud of at the moment , but thank you. Oh the terror of waiting, I'm not sure that is a feeling ill forget ..I'm sorry you are still in survival mode ..though glad there is some timeline to push come the end of cooling off. You have done amazing to survive in the same home ...not a choice I know. ..I love that you are buying things for YOU though!

And happy Christmas too and here's to a much better 2024 xx

Well done Eteiene. That took courage.

Thank you @Freddiefan I don't always feel much courage in the middle of all the other feelings ....