Is this just a conflict of interest wit my husband or is it more??

[lovenotwar149]

Oh dear oh dear oh dear..I am feeling angry, hurt, sad and confused.
I am NC with my parents. I haven't seen/spoken to my dad since last Sept. Not spoken with my mum since April this yr. I have posted on here before about my reasons...emotional abuse by both of them due to their narcissistic (particularly my mum) personalities. My NC stance was coming as boundaries have been in place for a decade now and I have finally had the courage and self love through therapy etc to say NO MORE now, I'm out. It has been , and still is, very upsetting and my husband is fully aware of this. He has found it difficult , even though he knows FULLY how abusive they can be. We have been married for 34 yrs, and he too has personal experience of their abuse. Today, because my parents (its manipulation no doubt) have asked him to go to their house to do some jobs for them, they live close unfortunately (although it makes complete sense as I had yrs of living a very toxic and unhealthy relationship with my narcissistic mother, and she wouldn't have allowed me emotionally to live further away from her) . And he has gone to do them. I am so hurt. What do ppl think please?? To me it's highly inappropriate of my parents to ask my husband to do jobs for them under the current estrangement situation and highly inappropriate of my husband to say yes. Any thoughts will be very appreciated. Thank you.

I actually put this to my DH. He said that would be different.

People often think it’s different.

Even though it isn’t at all. Abuse is abuse and isn’t something we should accept.

Another common trait is when you ask someone if they’d accept you treating them like that. That’s always a “obviously not”

Sensitively asking op but is money what is keeping your dh on contact with your dps? Does he see himself getting your inheritance? Or sharing yours? My exh was fuming when I went nc with dm. He just saw no more £££ coming out way..

I agree with a pp, our loved ones do not have to agree with us or be ready to also NC. I know someone with parents - one of whom was in prison due to abuse, the mother abusive in her own psychological way - whose wife still tried to stay in touch with the parents for the sake of grandchildren by sending photos etc. Now I thought this was mad but some people just cannot seem to let go of the idea of family, and have a strong faith in redemption. That's their value to hold. As long as they absolutely do not aid in trying to break your stance, nor bring it home with them...we all get to have our values. As you said in one of your posts OP 'You do you, i'll do me'. I have friends who are still friends with a woman who was utterly vile to me at one point, I have her blocked everywhere, and they're well aware of it. But that is not a reason to feel betrayed. We all have our reasons.

You said you felt at peace with your DH's decisions in your latest convo and the thing is, despite what everyone on this thread might think, if you're staying together and not leaving him - peace is what needs to be reached or this will be an antagonising factor till they die. Either that or you request that he stops seeing them, not ask him if he will carry on, but ask him not to. He has the right to refuse but he can also agree. If he refuses then you'd need to decide if you make peace with it or you leave.

@lovenotwar149
Your husband said that your parents have provided for all of you over the years. That he has experienced. Many people ,myself included, believe that if I am willing to accept your help when I am in need, that obligates me to assist you when you are in need.

What I do like about this forum is that it gives an opportunity to listen to many differing viewpoints. I am grateful for them all...including the ones that think differently to mine.