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Original poster

I paid for sex in the past when should I reveal this to my GF?

183 replies

Changedman · 18/07/2023 06:32

I am 24 years old atm when I was 17/18 years old I paid for sex once(this is how I lost my virginity) I was with an older woman and she proposed me and said I could sleep with her if I gave her some money and out of stupidity I obliged. When I was 18 I paid for sex once after doing some research about the industry I felt disgusted and decided I would never pay for sex again and didn't and again. I know for a fact that the women that I paid aren't being forced or coerced and both did what they did independently and of their own free will but I do understand that It will be a deal breaker for a lot of women and I don't want to be leading people on so can I have some advice on how to conduct myself?

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 18/07/2023 17:28

Honestly as long as you had a clear screening for STD's I don't think I would want to know.

PureLife89 · 18/07/2023 17:35

GreyCarpet · 18/07/2023 07:17

I'm pretty sure this is the third thread I've read now on a similar topic!

Was the woman actually a prostitute? What were the circumstances around it?

I've 100% seen this before earlier this year

Not the first time I've seen threads repeated

Tigertigertigertiger · 18/07/2023 17:39

Never

Feverly · 18/07/2023 17:49

VeridicalVagabond · 18/07/2023 10:51

Yes I would. I disagree with the exploitation of women on a fundamental moral level, and it astounds me that this is seen as a controversial view in some circles.

I have zero interest in being the "cool wife" who is ok with strip clubs and prostitution and other "industries" that harm and exploit vulnerable women. And I'm repulsed by men who think they're ok. Repulsed. I'd rather bathe in the contents of a night club sceptic tank than be in a relationship with a man who had ever, ever treated a female body as a purchasable commodity.

Show quote history

Same, @VeridicalVagabond there’s zero excuse to coerce a woman to use her body. Coerced consent is not consent. No whatabouttery is relevant.

OP seems a bit off. Looking for tips on how to word using prostitutes in a more appealing way 🤢

Original poster
Changedman · 18/07/2023 17:59

Feverly · 18/07/2023 17:49

Same, @VeridicalVagabond there’s zero excuse to coerce a woman to use her body. Coerced consent is not consent. No whatabouttery is relevant.

OP seems a bit off. Looking for tips on how to word using prostitutes in a more appealing way 🤢

Show quote history

What are you talking about I was 17 I met up with an older woman she said she said and I quote "ill only sleep with you if you give me money for these bills" if you believe I coerced her then that's you second time I came to a mutual agreement with a girl who had a sugar daddy that she was meeting up with and I take full accountability for both

OP posts:
Feverly · 18/07/2023 18:07

Paying a woman to use her body to have sex on is coerced sex.
I’m out.

Bookworm20 · 18/07/2023 18:20

Would me saying I lost my virginity when I was 17 to an older woman who had sex who said she would sleep with me if I gave her money be okay?

If thats the truth, then yes. Is it the entire truth though? If you tell her that, be prepared for questions, its pretty watered down.

Just tell her the truth. Honestly, telling the truth isn't that bloody hard, although, it seems, alot of men seem to struggle with the concept.

When I said tell her the truth. I meant tell her the truth! Not try and figure out a version of what she might accept and tell her that to get yourself off the hook.

Original poster
Changedman · 18/07/2023 18:42

Feverly · 18/07/2023 18:07

Paying a woman to use her body to have sex on is coerced sex.
I’m out.

whatever you say I don't see how I coerced someone into asking me for money in exchange for sex but each to their own

OP posts:
whatfreshheck · 18/07/2023 18:45

I would just sit down with her, tell her you feel your relationship with her is serious and that you made a silly mistake as a young man. Better that then her finding out later.

Takeitonthechin · 18/07/2023 19:03

WHY ON GODS EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO TELL YOUR GF THIS.... ARE YOU COMPLETELY STUPID

whatfreshheck · 18/07/2023 19:24

Takeitonthechin · 18/07/2023 19:03

WHY ON GODS EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO TELL YOUR GF THIS.... ARE YOU COMPLETELY STUPID

Because he is clearly a nice guy who doesn't want to upset/ mislead his partner and cares about how she would feel about it! I know they are rare but they do exist! 😂

CappucinoAndCornetto · 18/07/2023 19:27

Hmmm I'd be disgusted tbh.
It would DEFINITELY affect my relationship & change how I think about you.

hopelessmum1 · 18/07/2023 20:10

Honest reply - Although it doesn't sound coercive, my instinct would be to keep it to yourself as it may be a deal breaker.

Original poster
Changedman · 18/07/2023 20:28

CappucinoAndCornetto · 18/07/2023 19:27

Hmmm I'd be disgusted tbh.
It would DEFINITELY affect my relationship & change how I think about you.

consequences of my actions I guess gonna have to deal with it one way or another

OP posts:
Masterofhappydays · 18/07/2023 21:08

No. Don’t say anything. It serves no purpose other than reliving your guilt and likely hurting your GF. You’d just be moving your pain on to her.

You were stupid. Twice. You did this twice.

The first situation would be forgivable for me, the woman got what she wanted and you did too.
The second situation is worse and one I would not be able to over look. Predatory. You knew what you were doing when purchasing access to the woman’s body.

Masterofhappydays · 18/07/2023 21:09

whatfreshheck · 18/07/2023 19:24

Because he is clearly a nice guy who doesn't want to upset/ mislead his partner and cares about how she would feel about it! I know they are rare but they do exist! 😂

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Nice guys do not purchase consent to access a woman’s body…ever.

Original poster
Changedman · 18/07/2023 21:15

Masterofhappydays · 18/07/2023 21:09

Nice guys do not purchase consent to access a woman’s body…ever.

Show quote history

damn I can't have grown in 7 years😅respect your opinion though but tbh im not looking for forgiveness just looking for the best way to lay it out on the table without oversharing and going into gory details

OP posts:
caringcarer · 18/07/2023 21:17

AnotherCountryMummy · 18/07/2023 06:59

Keep your mouth shut. You've learnt the error of your ways and won't do it again. You don't have to reveal everything you've ever done.

This. I don't see how/why this topic would ever come up.

Original poster
Changedman · 18/07/2023 21:20

im only worried about it because its how I lost my virginity

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 18/07/2023 21:25

We've all done things we regret.

If you tell your GF you run the risk of ruining your relationship.

What benefit is there in telling her? It was before you met. There's no need or obligation to do a full disclosure of all previous partners including ones you paid.

Move on, forgive yourself and forget about it.

How do you think she would find out?

Original poster
Changedman · 18/07/2023 21:58

Aubree17 · 18/07/2023 21:25

We've all done things we regret.

If you tell your GF you run the risk of ruining your relationship.

What benefit is there in telling her? It was before you met. There's no need or obligation to do a full disclosure of all previous partners including ones you paid.

Move on, forgive yourself and forget about it.

How do you think she would find out?

the only way she could find out is if I tell her tbh

OP posts:
Hawkins0001 · 18/07/2023 22:00

Changedman · 18/07/2023 21:20

im only worried about it because its how I lost my virginity

Then make up a cover story keep the details mixed.

AbraKedavra · 18/07/2023 22:24

Feverly · 18/07/2023 18:07

Paying a woman to use her body to have sex on is coerced sex.
I’m out.

No it's not. Not in any shape or form. It is 100% moral and ethical, as long as both parties consented.

Regardless, even if it would have been immoral. In fact even if you once actually raped a woman, why would you feel the need to tell you current gf years later?

If you need absolution, go to a clergyman.

As long as you're not currently cheating or deceiving your partner, there is no need to share every indiscretion from your past.

Heck, I've been married over 15 years and neither of us knows everything the other got up to before we met up.

Masterofhappydays · 18/07/2023 22:26

AbraKedavra · 18/07/2023 22:24

No it's not. Not in any shape or form. It is 100% moral and ethical, as long as both parties consented.

Regardless, even if it would have been immoral. In fact even if you once actually raped a woman, why would you feel the need to tell you current gf years later?

If you need absolution, go to a clergyman.

As long as you're not currently cheating or deceiving your partner, there is no need to share every indiscretion from your past.

Heck, I've been married over 15 years and neither of us knows everything the other got up to before we met up.

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Oh yikes, just had to read this three times as I thought I’d read it wrong - no words!

Temporaryanonymity · 18/07/2023 22:36

Some men have a kink about talking to women about sex.