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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My 4.5 son HATES his name!!!

241 replies

Thefirstime · 16/07/2023 14:10

It’s causing huge tantrums in our house - he hates it and is learning to write another name altogether.. such a shame.. my DH becoming frustrated with it..

someone mentioned to me that it could be to do with self esteem issues, already??

any advice??

OP posts:
RunningOutOfZzzzzzs · 16/07/2023 14:11

Why does he hate it? Is he being teased by someone in school?

Rudimental · 16/07/2023 14:12

Is it a odd name? Or a name that's a bit different?

baileys6904 · 16/07/2023 14:16

How are you responding to him? How is he on other occasions s when he doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something?

I think something like his name, it's easy to immediately feel guilty and blame yourself and think you've done something wrong. But he's 4.5 years old and will go through many likes and dislikes in life.

I used to be a natural red head with freckles and a blonde streak in my hair. I hated it. Absolutely detested the way I look, what with being chubby as well. I was the fat ginger kid.

I'm now older and would love to have those unique aspects to me back.

Nicetiesandwhatnot · 16/07/2023 14:20

Probe why he hates it and if it is really making him upset you could add a middle name which he likes get it changed. Like Catherine Elizabeth Middleton for instance.

If you think it's a phase and temporary then may be give him a nick name he can use and like . We had a boy in our class who hated his name and he was called Tom but I am not sure if his parents changed it on paper.

WanderingWitches · 16/07/2023 14:21

Is it a bad name?

Bumcake · 16/07/2023 14:22

Is he right though?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/07/2023 14:22

Id have thought he played up to it once, got some attention from it and is now using as a means for attention.

Ignore, carry on using it how you normally would but increase positive attention to him in another way

Anotherparkingthread · 16/07/2023 14:22

I hated my name at this age and spent my childhood miserable as my mother wouldn't let me change it. I did change it at 18, but this was particularly annoying as obviously by 18 I already had bank accounts, qualifications, passport etc to change and it was an annoying and lengthy process which could have been avoided if I'd been allowed to change it sooner.

I am of the belief that a name is deeply personal and if somebody truly hates theirs then it's cruel to saddle them with it. What is the new name he's proposed? Is it something sensible?

Maybe tell him if he still wants to chnage it in x amount if time you will talk about it. I mean he is only 4 but if he still hates it when he's say 6 then it's not a passing phase.

AnImaginaryCat · 16/07/2023 14:23

Does he hate it because he's struggling to spell it correctly?

Or did he hate it before?

ILoveYourFace · 16/07/2023 14:23

It depends what the names is and why he hates it. It is something very unusual? Is it more used for girls? What’s the issue?

Dotcheck · 16/07/2023 14:26

Well, let him be called something else then. If he carries on liking the new names, I’d change it legally.

I’ve always hated my name, and wish I would have changed it when I was younger. It’s old fashioned, but not in a cool way

Mummy08m · 16/07/2023 14:26

I've always hated my name but I now go by a shortening that's quite different and a different initial (think Beth from Elizabeth - only my name isn't Elizabeth, which is actually nice).

I don't think it's necessarily a self esteem issue more than just an awful name.

Let him shorten it or choose a nickname - it sounds like he's already doing this.

IveHadItUpToHere · 16/07/2023 14:27

It seems unlikely this has happened without outside influence tbh. It's his name. DCs have lots of extreme reactions to lots of stuff. As a parent, your job is to provide stability not add to the chaos.

user1492757084 · 16/07/2023 14:28

Why?
Are kids teasing him?
Did he read a story about such an issue?

My daughter once wanted to change her name so she wrote her middle name on her school work and we called her that for about a month until she decided her old name was fine again.
Get him to choose a nick name if there are no real problems to deal with and enjoy the new boy in the house.

Original poster
Thefirstime · 16/07/2023 14:29

He wants to be called the same name as his friend.. as it is a ‘better’ and ‘cooler’ name..

I do think someone in his nursery may have said something to him about his name!!

his name isn’t common but is lovely (to me)

if he really dislikes it I will look to change it

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 16/07/2023 14:29

Op can you elaborate a bit more please

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 16/07/2023 14:30

You're going to have to give us the name.

Bananabedhead · 16/07/2023 14:31

My sister hates her name from when she was about 4yrs. We all just called her the name she liked (except my dad who was a goady fucker). When she was 18 she changed it officially but only her immediate family (not even my kids) know her original birth name.

mfbx5sf3 · 16/07/2023 14:32

Is the friends name less uncommon?

Needmorelego · 16/07/2023 14:34

You need to ask him why.
Is it hard to spell?
Do people keep spelling it wrong?
Do people pronounce it wrong?
Is he one of 4 in his class and he doesn’t like being “Billy C”?
Is he being called Billy at school but at home you usually call him William?
(this is an example name obviously)
You can start calling him anything he wants (within reason - “No son, you can’t be called Spiderman”). My daughter went through a phase of changing her name almost weekly. I said we have to keep her real name for “important and official things” like going to the doctor so the doctor can make sure they have the correct person and don’t give the wrong medication. She was fine with that.

Hillrunning · 16/07/2023 14:34

if he really dislikes it I will look to change it

Well you just said he hates it so get going with changing it. Help him pick one that he likes. Give it a while to settle before doing it legally.

Seaoftroubles · 16/07/2023 14:38

Can't you just give him a nickname (of his choice) and ask his school to use that?

cassiatwenty · 16/07/2023 14:39

Needmorelego · 16/07/2023 14:34

You need to ask him why.
Is it hard to spell?
Do people keep spelling it wrong?
Do people pronounce it wrong?
Is he one of 4 in his class and he doesn’t like being “Billy C”?
Is he being called Billy at school but at home you usually call him William?
(this is an example name obviously)
You can start calling him anything he wants (within reason - “No son, you can’t be called Spiderman”). My daughter went through a phase of changing her name almost weekly. I said we have to keep her real name for “important and official things” like going to the doctor so the doctor can make sure they have the correct person and don’t give the wrong medication. She was fine with that.

No son, you can’t be called Spiderman 😅

5128gap · 16/07/2023 14:42

So he really means he'd prefer to be called the name of his cool friend and in typical dramstic 4 year old style this has become he HATES his STUPID name!!
Perfectly normal age appropriate behaviour. At that age I desperately wanted to have red hair and sticky out teeth like my cool best friend. I'd even go round trying to push my teeth forward.
I'd take no notice for now. If he's still saying it in a few years time then have a rethink.

Superdupes · 16/07/2023 14:44

So is he learning to write another random name - or his friends name?

If he's obsessed with his friends name only then I wouldn't change his name, it's probably just a case of he thinks his friend is amazing (or his friend tells him he is!) and so he wants to be his friend and thinks if he has his friends name then he'll be amazing too.

If it's a different name altogether then I'd just go with it a bit for now, you can even ask school to use it if you like. I wouldn't do anything legal, as he might well change his mind next week/month/year or when he changes friends (or learns how to spell his more difficult name!)