My 4.5 son HATES his name!!!

[Thefirstime]

It’s causing huge tantrums in our house - he hates it and is learning to write another name altogether.. such a shame.. my DH becoming frustrated with it..

someone mentioned to me that it could be to do with self esteem issues, already??

any advice??

Ds announced he wanted his name to be "Sam" at that age. When I asked why, he'd chosen what (to him) was the shortest and easiest name to write. He hated writing.
It was nothing to do with his name, which was, I admit, twice as long, but just the writing of it.

It's likely just down to how popular her perceives his friend is compare to him.

If you've gone for a less common name, discuss why that name was important to you in simple terms for him. Encourage pride in the name he does have, abbreviate it, use his middle name if he has one while he is adamant he's not going to be called by his given name.

We chose names for our children because we liked them. Doesn't mean they haven't abbreviated, or extended, them as they choose to align them with their own identifies.

Can you call him the name he wants to be called? Tell the school he's to be known as X from now on.

Yeah right .
Like that's going to happen !

Like a lot of stuff on here it's not even half a story , never getting the full facts .

Is it Albie?

Don’t change his name. This is just a phase. No child independently hates their name. Someone has always said something to them, eg in this case, possibly the friend himself or your DS has mistakenly deduced his name isn’t cool by adding 2 and 2 and getting 5.

Tell him his name is special because it’s his name. Tell him that’s what makes it cool - it’s his and was specially chosen for him. Also tell him that there are no cool or uncool names. They’re all people’s names, just like we wouldn’t say we wanted to call a table a racing car ‘because it’s a cooler name’.

As for him writing his friend’s name rather than his own, try to encourage him to write his own name, either by pretending you think he can’t do it, by bribery, or by subtle positive reinforcement.

I know they’re only children but I always find it sad when a child starts school and some stupid casual remark makes them hate their name or hair or sex or house or whatever. Perhaps if you’re really worried, you could mention it to the teacher. Some positive comments from them or a talk about how all names are cool, etc, would help a lot.

Hes's 4. Don't change his name because he wants the same name as his friend. Thats ridiculous.

My son went with a girls name for almost a year at that age.

as it was, he went by different name in playgroup, and went back to his old name by yr R

it’s not uncommon for kids at that age 🙂

I agree with this. Tell him he can come up with a nickname if he wants but don't change his name officially over this whim.

Don’t change his name. Does he have a middle name? Pet/shortened name? At that age my daughter was determined to be a squirrel!

I recall two school friends announcing that they wanted to be called different names, albeit slightly older than your DC. Both went with it for a few years and both changed their names officially when older. They both had very ordinary names for the time, Emily and Lisa, and changed them for equally ordinary names.

you would listen to a four year old and legally change his name , the rationale because it’s not as cool
as his mates?! I think you may need to consider what’s collaborative in life and what’s not … or it’s going to be a long decade plus ahead

Going against the grain. Is the name something very unusual or odd within his demographic? A name that people will form opinions based on the name rather than the person. Examples being Persephone for a little girl at the local school where everyone else is called: Rosie, Esme, Hannah, etc? Or Troy for a boy when all his friends are: Harry, Theo, James, etc?

In those circumstances I think it might be helpful for the lad. I wonder if someone has been mean? It isn't right to be mean but children get very hurt.

I still wish my mother had called me Susan or Angela.

This has reminded me, when I was about 3 we went on holiday. For months after everyone had to call me by the name of the local landmark.

my parents still reminded me as an adult of this phase.

I was also a dog at that age and wanted to have a collar and lead (this request was just laughed at).

Ds1 wanted us to call ds2 by the same name as him, only doubled ie Luke and Luke Luke. Not at all confusing 😂really must remind him of this next time I see him!

his name isn’t common but is lovely (to me)
So what moniker did you saddle him with?

(the only thing that surprises me is that we don't see more of these threads, given some of the name choices on the baby name threads..)

I think it's quite normal to want a different name. I wanted a different name. I wanted blonde hair and blue eyes. At one point I also wanted a willy so I could stand up to wee.

I wouldn't indulge it.

At 4 though they won’t have the preconceived notions about a name that the rest of us might. They won’t see a name as belonging to a certain class or nationality. The children in their class are called those names and they are the names children are called, if that makes sense.

What’s he like with writing/spelling in general?

Could it be that it’s a difficult name to spell and most of his friends like ‘Ben’ have all learnt to spell their names but your son hasn’t?

Our names are one of the first things we can spell and it can be very frustrating to not be able to spell your own name.

Could you shorten it?

OP, if you don’t want to disclose the name, could you give us a name that’s equally as unusual as your son’s name?

I went to school with a boy called Clair, not sure it quite ruined his life, but it certainly didn’t help!

My 4 year old said the same for a while. I told him I liked his name but when he was older he can change it if he still wants. And we played along with calling him his paw patrol name as requested or other characters...it was a phase as he hasn't mentioned hating his name for a while.

Agree with this!

He’s 4. Why are so many people responding as if his opinion on his name is likely to be some life-long thing and that the answer is to change it.

The very fact that he wants to have the same name as his friend makes it clear it’s just 4 year old stuff. It will pass.

A friend of mine but not a school friend wanted to change her name at age 5/6 as kids of other girls in her class had it. Luckily her DP’s just let her use her middle name which to be fair to her does sound a bit more classy. Don’t think she hated her first name though.

I've heard it all now! Changing a four and a half year olds name because they don't like it! Get a grip!

It's quite common for young children to want to be called something different.

My son at that age wanted to be addressed as Fireman Sam and my daughter from a young age decided that she was an alien and her real home was the planet Zog and she was only visiting us!

That's what a lot of children do!

Same... I was legally named one name but then nicknamed another name all my life.

To give you an idea say my legal name was Laura (chosen by my Dad who abandoned us when I was a baby) & my nickname was Seffy which is short for Persephone (which my mam who raised me alone choose and loved).

From 12 I begged to change it which was laughed off as 'silly'. My mam also had a name she hated but refused to change, although she never went by anything else. I never understood why?.

At 18 I legally changed it to persephone myself... it was a PITA because a lot of legal documents already existed including my oldest childs birth certificate (which was done right before the deedpoll came through and I wasn't allowed to use Persephone on it at the time or update later).

Especially silly when I have gone by Persephone by family since my earliest memories (3 years old) and exclusively by the Seffy everywhere (like school etc...) since 8. There was no need to make me wait until 18. It was hardly a short fad of a kid wanting to be called 'firetruck' etc...

People who pick one name and stick with it for years aren't going to outgrow it. They will pretty much always change it so parent might aswell accept it and not cause more issues. Its only a red flag if a kid changes their mind every other week etc...