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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My 4.5 son HATES his name!!!

241 replies

Thefirstime · 16/07/2023 14:10

It’s causing huge tantrums in our house - he hates it and is learning to write another name altogether.. such a shame.. my DH becoming frustrated with it..

someone mentioned to me that it could be to do with self esteem issues, already??

any advice??

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 18/07/2023 08:52

Is it Balonz?

liveforsummer · 18/07/2023 09:06

So it's not actually to do with the names but the child it's attached too. I'd say he looks up to this boy hence the fixation on the name . Assume it's this boys name he is learning to write?

Cottagewitch · 18/07/2023 09:16

Slightly different but when I was at primary school I had a teacher I really loved called Miss Brown and at home for a while I would only answer to Miss Brown. My parents went along with it. But I did genuinely hate my name when I was growing up and I changed it when I was legally able to do so. Twenty years later and my mother still calls me by my original name and it drives me mad. So does her new partner who has only been on the scene since I changed it. Every single other person has managed to make the change in 20 years. She phones my work and asks for me by my old name and no one has a clue what she’s on about as they’ve never known me by my old name.

Thegoodbadandugly · 18/07/2023 09:43

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 17/07/2023 18:20

Reminder for those just arriving on the thread.

Are you the post police? Telling people what they can and cannot post?

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 18/07/2023 09:47

Thegoodbadandugly · 18/07/2023 09:43

Are you the post police? Telling people what they can and cannot post?

👮🏻

ScotsBluebell · 18/07/2023 11:31

I'd wait. At four kids change with the wind. DS's name wasn't 'cool' at school although he never actively hated it, but it's become cool since, and as an adult he likes it. Give it time. When he goes off the cool friend, as he almost certainly will, he'll definitely go off that name as well!

ResearcherLila · 19/07/2023 10:17

Sometimes, kids just don't like their names. I think you're right- he's probably too young to be getting self esteem issues- but it's probably worth checking if there's any bullying or anything at school, especially if he has an unusual name, or one that could easily rhyme with a 'bad word'. (Keep in mind that at 4/5, a 'bad word' could be 'rude' or 'poo' or something. A bully in my class only about a year or two older than your son did this to me because my old name was a) hyphenated, and b) my slight speech impediment meant I could not pronounce my own name).

But it's more likely that he just doesn't like his name. You can't take it personally- there are literally millions of names to choose from, and only one of your son. If he prefers another name, my suggestion would be to tell him that you support him with whatever he'd like to be called, and start calling him that name, wherever and whenever he wants to be called that. Think of it like a nickname- I can't tell you the number of people in my class around that age who disliked their name and used a nickname or another name. Within a couple years, I think it was probably at least a third of the class. It's a lot more common than you might think to prefer another name, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong!

So, in conclusion, I would suggest inquiring about possible bullying, and if it's not that, supporting whatever name your son might want to use. It may be a phase, in which case it will blow over probably in a few months at most, and he'll come out of it knowing that you and your husband will always support him, no matter what happens. That can never be a bad thing to teach a child. If it isn't a phase, well, when has a nickname ever hurt anyone? He'll still know you support him, and he might feel happier and better about himself, if the people he loves use a name he likes.

Best of luck!

Lesina · 19/07/2023 14:09

MumblesParty · 16/07/2023 22:55

@Lesina out of curiosity, why do you loathe your name? You can answer without saying what it is. Is it too common, or too rare, or associated with someone specific, or hard to pronounce/spell etc?

As a child it was perceived to be dull and boring, it was also a family name and there were a few people who also had it who were dreadful really. I now know it to be a classic name, which people frequently say is lovely. But the damage is done. I can't get over my loathing :-)

W0tnow · 19/07/2023 14:36

Lesina · 19/07/2023 14:09

As a child it was perceived to be dull and boring, it was also a family name and there were a few people who also had it who were dreadful really. I now know it to be a classic name, which people frequently say is lovely. But the damage is done. I can't get over my loathing :-)

If it’s Jane then I LOVE it!

liveforsummer · 20/07/2023 07:33

ResearcherLila · 19/07/2023 10:17

Sometimes, kids just don't like their names. I think you're right- he's probably too young to be getting self esteem issues- but it's probably worth checking if there's any bullying or anything at school, especially if he has an unusual name, or one that could easily rhyme with a 'bad word'. (Keep in mind that at 4/5, a 'bad word' could be 'rude' or 'poo' or something. A bully in my class only about a year or two older than your son did this to me because my old name was a) hyphenated, and b) my slight speech impediment meant I could not pronounce my own name).

But it's more likely that he just doesn't like his name. You can't take it personally- there are literally millions of names to choose from, and only one of your son. If he prefers another name, my suggestion would be to tell him that you support him with whatever he'd like to be called, and start calling him that name, wherever and whenever he wants to be called that. Think of it like a nickname- I can't tell you the number of people in my class around that age who disliked their name and used a nickname or another name. Within a couple years, I think it was probably at least a third of the class. It's a lot more common than you might think to prefer another name, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong!

So, in conclusion, I would suggest inquiring about possible bullying, and if it's not that, supporting whatever name your son might want to use. It may be a phase, in which case it will blow over probably in a few months at most, and he'll come out of it knowing that you and your husband will always support him, no matter what happens. That can never be a bad thing to teach a child. If it isn't a phase, well, when has a nickname ever hurt anyone? He'll still know you support him, and he might feel happier and better about himself, if the people he loves use a name he likes.

Best of luck!

I'm not sure in this case it is the right lesson. OP has already explained it's because he likes his cool friends name and wants it too. Surely it's a bit like saying he likes his friends bag or coat or transitional toy better so can just have it too.

saraclara · 20/07/2023 07:39

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 16/07/2023 16:00

Choose a nickname and wait it out, it's likely just a phase.

That. At the same age my brother wanted to be called Timmy (for no reason that anyone could establish). So we called him Timmy at home as if it was a nickname. He reverted to his original name after a year or so.

Now I've told that story, I kind of miss Timmy! He was cute!

NutellaNut · 20/07/2023 07:42

Oh dear. I suspect there are lots of kids growing up now with ‘unusual’ names, who are going to hate them as soon as they are old enough to voice an opinion. He’s probably being teased about it at school. Try to find out why he hates it. Has he got a middle name her prefers?

ResearcherLila · 20/07/2023 07:54

liveforsummer · 20/07/2023 07:33

I'm not sure in this case it is the right lesson. OP has already explained it's because he likes his cool friends name and wants it too. Surely it's a bit like saying he likes his friends bag or coat or transitional toy better so can just have it too.

Sorry, I made that comment before OP had written the thing about the cool friend's name. In this case, yes, I would change my answer

mycoffeecup · 21/07/2023 08:11

It's impossible for people to give advice unless you say what his name is.

Carouselfish · 21/07/2023 11:39

He's four. Just nod and smile and say oh, do you? And change the subject.

paisley256 · 21/07/2023 11:51

My son has a name that is quite rare, probably more common in the states and he's defnitely been the only child of that name in primary and secondary. When he was very young he wanted to be called Alfie because many of his friends had that name, he wanted to fit in. As he got older he grew to love his name and now he's so pleased he has a different name to everyone else.

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