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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My 4.5 son HATES his name!!!

241 replies

Thefirstime · 16/07/2023 14:10

It’s causing huge tantrums in our house - he hates it and is learning to write another name altogether.. such a shame.. my DH becoming frustrated with it..

someone mentioned to me that it could be to do with self esteem issues, already??

any advice??

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 17/07/2023 08:34

Lesina · 16/07/2023 22:26

I loathe my name. Hate it, it has caused me a lot of trauma since childhood. Listen to your son. If you don’t want to go down the formal lane, at least find a nickname he prefers.

@Lesina

how did it cause trauma?

joycies · 17/07/2023 17:59

Why is it a big deal? Is it just your SO who minds?

Conniedeps · 17/07/2023 18:08

Are you comfortable sharing the name OP? It might mean people could give you more specific advice

Prinnny · 17/07/2023 18:15

I hate threads like this where the OP won’t go into detail, like why bother!

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 18:19

Prinnny · 17/07/2023 18:15

I hate threads like this where the OP won’t go into detail, like why bother!

This

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 17/07/2023 18:19

She doesn’t need to disclose the name. Stop trying to wheedle it out of her.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 17/07/2023 18:20

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 16/07/2023 19:40

Oh give over, the lot of you. As if a 4.5 year old knows that his name is ‘chavvy’ / ‘youneeq’ / pretentious. Just own your nosiness. You do not ‘need to know the name’ to advise OP to ride out this first of many fads and phases.

Reminder for those just arriving on the thread.

ChrisPPancake · 17/07/2023 18:22

Prinnny · 17/07/2023 18:15

I hate threads like this where the OP won’t go into detail, like why bother!

Because it's possible to get advice on whether it's a good idea to allow a child to change their name as they choose without knowing what the existing name is or what they want to change it to 🤷

Kentucky83 · 17/07/2023 18:25

Is it a name that maybe has variations? If it is you could look them up and go through them with him and see if there's one he likes. If it really is just because his friend has the name he wants then it will probably be just a phase.

topnoddy · 17/07/2023 18:37

WildUnchartedWaters · 17/07/2023 18:19

This

Show quote history

210 posts now and no sign of the OP since just after she started the tread

Louloulouenna · 17/07/2023 18:40

I’ve hated my name my entire life, my dh and I both hate our names and our names together sound like a pair of ridiculous Sloane rangers. It certainly hasn’t caused me any trauma and hasn’t been an issue in the grand scheme of things, I just hate it!

Panjandrum123 · 17/07/2023 18:42

Let him call himself something else for a while. Maybe someone has said something thoughtless to his friend and it’s been repeated back to your son. But at that age friendships don’t always last and if they fall out he may be happy to use his own name again.

A lad in our village (many, many years ago) hated his name and insisted everyone call him Fred, which we all did. By the time secondary school rolled round he was ready to be called by his given name.

If he still really dislikes the name you chose, then when he’s 18, he can change it.

Prinnny · 17/07/2023 18:42

ChrisPPancake · 17/07/2023 18:22

Because it's possible to get advice on whether it's a good idea to allow a child to change their name as they choose without knowing what the existing name is or what they want to change it to 🤷

Show quote history

What advice other than yes or no can you give with such limited information? If the name was disclosed posters could suggest nicknames, similar names etc. It clear OP is just a drama llama with a click bait title 🥱

LILLYPRINT · 17/07/2023 18:46

I have always hated my name, now at the age of 68 if anyone asks my name , i give them my surname which can also be used a a first name, and i like it a lot better.

GreenFritillary · 17/07/2023 18:52

My sister hated her name, Monica. Parents ignored her. When she started school, she asked them to use her second name, Joan, and she refused to answer to anything else. Perhaps her teacher sympathised with her about Monica, because there was no fuss at school. Father was angry but got nowhere with her. Mother admired her determination, and tried to learn to call her Joan.
So did I, and she has gone through life with it.
I dropped my second name, which I also disliked.
We found out years later that both the rejected names were those of women father had had affairs with.

DetectiveDouche · 17/07/2023 18:56

When my son was about six he hated his name and we had to call him Spike for weeks. Well we didn’t “have” to but it seemed harmless, so we did, with great jollity. Then we got him a budgie and he wanted to call that Spike instead.. And he went back to his own name. Which he’s been ever since.. and he’s 31 on Sunday 😊

SuperBlondie28 · 17/07/2023 19:00

I told my mother, as a teenager, I wanted to change my surname. It was dreadful and even teachers took the piss out of it plus other kids. I grew up before the Internet came along and one day, someone said, yes you can change your surname and how to do it, and I did it, at the age of 20, and never looked back.

My daughter, 22, hates her first name 😞 which me and DH took 4.5 days from birth to decide upon. It has a male version and is frequently used by even my relatives 😦

heaveho · 17/07/2023 19:01

My DD lived by another name for around 9 months.
By the time everyone had got used to it (sch, family, friends even the doctor/dentist) she changed back! She laughs about it now.

I really wouldn’t sweat it and make it into a battleground situation

Missingpop · 17/07/2023 20:04

Oh bless him; I bet some little Angel a nursery has said something; it’s down to how you handle it really why not look for people with the same name that he can look at; so if his name is William get lots of famous Williams who you can show him loved their name & who went on to be very proud of it.
please tell me he’s not called Cuthbert Wilberforce; Wallace; Bungle or Herewood x

boatsbookswalks · 17/07/2023 23:47

I always hated my name right from aged about 4. I never told people my name. I'd just say Miss L. When I moved to a different part of the country, I changed it then , unofficially. I use my name just for very official documents. But it has proved useful. If I get a letter/email addressed to my birth name, I know it's someone who doesn't know me

LifeIsGooood · 18/07/2023 02:10

Attention seeking post
And who let's their 4 year old dictate such decisions in their lives?
Parents are in charge for a reason.
If this is legit...OP,bless your heart.
You are in for a very long road.

LifeIsGooood · 18/07/2023 02:36

Have we learned NOTHING by letting little children make lifelong decisions??
Yup,it's only a name. But as parents YOU both chose the name for a reason.
If he wants to change his name as an adult, go for it.
Posters acting like a child,essentially an older toddler,should have a choice in their name...Y'all need to reexamine yourselves.
Seriously.

Idkdy · 18/07/2023 07:29

Hi OP,
My son was exactly the same at this age. Got cross and had tantrums if we called him his name and said his name was boring and silly and he hated it.

He wanted to be called the same name as his friend at school. Made us think was related to comments made by this friend / kids at school.

I asked there was a different name he could choose (instead of his friend's name) as he needed his own name.

He then moved onto a made up name - Iren (sounded like a name though!) and wrote that and insisted we call him that.
We did a mix - called him his name and also the made up name.

We kept reiterating his name was strong and a good name and what it meant etc.
He did eventually grow out of it after some months.

Every child is different though - so maybe you can check with a child psychologist for advice?

Wishing you all the best 💐

T1Dmama · 18/07/2023 08:39

Thefirstime · 16/07/2023 14:29

He wants to be called the same name as his friend.. as it is a ‘better’ and ‘cooler’ name..

I do think someone in his nursery may have said something to him about his name!!

his name isn’t common but is lovely (to me)

if he really dislikes it I will look to change it

I think I’d explain the importance of having his own name… tell him he can choose a new name if he wants but it can’t be his friends name because it confuses people… people will call him and his friend will come instead etc.
when I was at college there was a boy called Billy, but when you called his home and asked for him, his mum would shout ‘Stuart, phone for you!’… it was so funny to us as kids.
I wouldn’t change his name officially, but when he starts school they’ll say your name is XYZ, what would you like us to call you?…. And they will call him something else if that’s his wish. But he can’t change it constantly! I’d avoid his friends name though and choose another name you all like and agree on.
A name is just a label after all.
Does he have a middle name? Because legally you can just use your middle name without ever needing to change legally

Whatonearth2021 · 18/07/2023 08:47

My son hates his name at that age - it’s a relatively unusual name in England. I think he wanted to fit in. Now at 15 he loves it - it’s unusual enough to make him memorable but certainly not something that anyone would ever mock.
I have always hated my name (common for the 70s) because I think it’s clunky and ugly. But I just get on with it!
My advice - tell him he can change it when he’s 18. Bet you he doesn’t!