My 4.5 son HATES his name!!!

[Thefirstime]

It’s causing huge tantrums in our house - he hates it and is learning to write another name altogether.. such a shame.. my DH becoming frustrated with it..

someone mentioned to me that it could be to do with self esteem issues, already??

any advice??

I've said this on other threads, but I really believe that the concept of having a name chosen for you and then having to live with it the rest of your life is outdated. Some parents really do pick batshit names for their offspring.

It would be great if as part of growing up there could be a ceremony where you accept who you are and chose your name for adult life. It could be to choose to continue with your childhood name, or it could be to change it to something that you choose for yourself. But you get to choose. Probably somewhere around 12-16yo.

Don’t be bullied into disclosing his name here, OP. It makes no difference to the best course of action.

This is almost certainly a phase. Humour it and don’t make a big deal out of it. Certainly don’t do anything legal. If he’s still adamant on the chosen name when he is 12 then sure, look into a deed poll, but there’s no need to change his legal name sooner. Every school will happily register him with a ‘known as’ option if it doesn’t turn out to be a short-term phase.

If it's Teddy and there's about 6 of them in the class, could it be shortened to Ted?

When I was 4 I insisted on being called Florence (big fan of the Magic Roundabout) thank God my parents didn't change my name & just waited for the phase to pass - which it did, very quickly

Hes only 4. He'll probably have changed his mind again by next week

I wanted to be called Linda when I was 4. Actually I just wanted a normal English name, not one with letters pronounced differently, which no-one could say or spell. And my middle name was no better!

Sorry, I've just seen that you've said it's not a common name, so obviously not Teddy!

Tell him it would be confusing for there to be 2 people with the same name at nursery and therefore he can not change his name to his friends name. Can he be called by a shorter/longer version of his friends name or just pick another name to be known by for now? Tell him he cant change it officially until he is 10.

I think the name is relevant but I completely understand why you haven’t shared it.

You might need to let him use a nickname.

There was a girl called something like Buffy at my uni, so called since the age of five because she despised her name (she was a 1970s baby with a war baby name along the lines of Doreen/Irene).

If your boy has a name that’s old fashioned, amusing sounding or chavvy and he’s getting teased, school life will be quite difficult for him unless he’s able to style it out.

I am shocked you are genuinely thinking of changing it! It'll be another tantrum next week, children are fickle. Give him a nickname

This. I just don't see it as a big deal. There's no need to insist on his given name OR to bend over backwards changing it permanently. Just go with his preferred name for as long as it seems to fit, in his eyes.

FWIW, my siblings and I all adopted different names at various times during childhood. One reverted to his 'other' name for a while in adulthood, and has now gone back to his given name. I've used a contraction of my name ever since dropping my childhood choice. No big deal.

Oh my god if I'd been allowed to choose my own name between the ages of 12-16 Christ only knows what I'd be. Probably something like Midnight or Morticia or Corpse Bride. I'd have only had to change it back again once I grew out of my angry at the world Goth phase.

For goodness sake, he’s 4 years old! He could pick a new name then hate that one the week after.

When it comes to names you get what you’re given. No changing on a whim. It’s a good life lesson.

It really depends what name you gave him.
Is it pretentious?

At this age my middle son wouldn't answer to anything but Haydn.

It wasn't his name.

My now 30yr old son insisted on being called rachel for around 6 months when he was 3. Even the nursery asked if they could call him Rachel! He grew out of it! Don’t make a fuss

Love it! 😂

My son went through an obsession about wanting to be called Eddie around a similar age. No reason why and he certainly didn't know any Eddies'.
We just tried to distract him and he forgot about it eventually.

Should be an instant ban if you start a name thread & don't tell us the name

we don't know the name so he could be right. But really, he is 4.5 years old. By 5 he might want to be called Triceratops and spiderman by 6.
How are you addressing this?

My young ward found her hyphenated first name too unwieldy so asked to be called by her initials even at school. Eventually at 18 she reverted to her unusual but quite attractive name.

That's the trouble with some of the names parents just adore..the poor children actually have to live with them
and go through life being ridiculed by their peers. Not saying yours is outlandish but you have said its unusual and that generally means weird.

Tell him he can be known by whatever name he likes. leave any legal changing until he is older

I like your thinking but if this had been available to me at that age I would now have been called Bianca-Jade, now in my fifties I’m very glad I didn’t change my name and still have my very classic if slightly boring name!

123 posts and only 1 reply from the OP

I think it's a bit ridiculous that so many are saying to change it, but I would help him come up with a nickname from his name instead. If mine have ever asked to be called a particular random name at that age, I've said I will go along with it, but they always got bored of it after maximum 2 days. There have been some really funny ones. I wouldn't let them chose a whole new name officially at 4. A nickname is harmless though and a good compromise I think.