Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My 4.5 son HATES his name!!!

241 replies

Thefirstime · 16/07/2023 14:10

It’s causing huge tantrums in our house - he hates it and is learning to write another name altogether.. such a shame.. my DH becoming frustrated with it..

someone mentioned to me that it could be to do with self esteem issues, already??

any advice??

OP posts:
Nicetiesandwhatnot · 16/07/2023 14:44

Ah seeing your update I would say try out a cooler nickname for now .

MichelleScarn · 16/07/2023 14:44

Is a name from a popular TV show? There's a Khal at a kids club we go to, parents huge Game thrones fans.

SemperIdem · 16/07/2023 14:49

Nicetiesandwhatnot · 16/07/2023 14:20

Probe why he hates it and if it is really making him upset you could add a middle name which he likes get it changed. Like Catherine Elizabeth Middleton for instance.

If you think it's a phase and temporary then may be give him a nick name he can use and like . We had a boy in our class who hated his name and he was called Tom but I am not sure if his parents changed it on paper.

I’m not sure what you’re getting at in the first paragraph?

Agree a nickname is probably a better way forward for the time being.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 16/07/2023 15:15

My youngest refused to be called by his name when he was about 4/5. In school, he’d only answer to another name even in registration. Parents asked the teacher if I’d changed it by deed poll which I hadn’t. Took after me I suppose who wrote an imaginary middle name on school books. We both grew out of it.

InSpainTheRain · 16/07/2023 15:16

I honestly wouldn't worry - I think many kids go through this phase, at least 1 of our 2 did. I was just brisk and efficient "Ok, well when you're 18 you can change it. Meanwhile this is your name" and ignore the tantrum. Just repeat "Yes you can change it later if you like" leave it at that. Mine grew up and forgot about it!

GrinAndVomit · 16/07/2023 15:17

Don’t do anything legally. Just refer to him by the name he prefers and see if he outgrows it.

madeinmanc · 16/07/2023 15:22

I think you can say the name, can't you? Surely it's not that outing?

CurlewKate · 16/07/2023 15:22

I'd just let him use his preferred name. Not worth a struggle IMHO

N0ëlle · 16/07/2023 15:24

Wait it out, my son said this to me once. His name is very normal.
He certainly never mentions it now.

Even if his name were Tarquin, I don't think he'd know that that were a stoopid name, ykwim. I think it's that moment of consciousness, where you realise I AM ME. I HAVE A NAME. THAT'S PART OF WHAT MAKES ME "ME"

BadNomad · 16/07/2023 15:29

Could this have been predicted? Did you give him a daft name which seemed cute when he was a blob but will be cringeworthy when he's 15?

RantyAnty · 16/07/2023 15:30

What is the name?

My sister and I no longer use the name our parents first called us.

ASGIRC · 16/07/2023 15:31

I HATED my name when I was a kid. It wasnt a common name, and it was really old fashioned and people kept saying it and spelling it wrong.
I fantasised about being called a much more normal name, like my best friend, who had a cool normal name! Literally any name that wasnt grandmotherly!

My parents always said "but your name is soooo beautiful!!!!" I disagreed. But I was never given a choice of another name. I dont even have a middle name...

Anyway, I grew out of it. I cant say i LOVE my name, but I dont mind it in the least.
And guess what! It came back in fashion! It is the 10th most popular girls name in my country these days!

LakeTiticaca · 16/07/2023 15:34

Don't pander to him. What happens when he makes another friends and wants a different name?
My name is a plain and functional one. I always wanted to be called Cleopatra.

CallMeDiaz · 16/07/2023 15:35

Hillrunning · 16/07/2023 14:34

if he really dislikes it I will look to change it

Well you just said he hates it so get going with changing it. Help him pick one that he likes. Give it a while to settle before doing it legally.

He's four. He'll likely not remember this at all in a little bit.

My friends son refused to respond to his name and would only be called Digger at that age. He's fine with his perfectly nice normal name at 26. This is why adults are in charge.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 16/07/2023 15:36

You’re giving a 4 year old way too much control. Unless you saddled him with a stupid name, you tell him he can change it when he’s 18 and that’s that. My DD hated her name (slightly old fashioned but beautiful) at primary but now as a quirky teenager she loves it.

WildUnchartedWaters · 16/07/2023 15:37

Hillrunning · 16/07/2023 14:34

if he really dislikes it I will look to change it

Well you just said he hates it so get going with changing it. Help him pick one that he likes. Give it a while to settle before doing it legally.

Hes 4!

OP, he just wants to be called the same as his friend.

What happens when he makes a new friend? What the name is doesnt matter. Parent your child!

HowardKirksConscience · 16/07/2023 15:39

You shouldn’t have given this house room. Or headroom. 4.5 year olds don’t get to dictate what people call them.

toochesterdraws · 16/07/2023 15:39

He's 4. My friend's son wanted to be a dog at that age, and would go around on all fours, barking. He wanted his food given to him in a dog bowl on the floor in the kitchen. He grew out of it.

notacooldad · 16/07/2023 15:40

My sister hated her name do much she invented a new first and surname and even a profession for herself. She refused to answer to anything else but the name in full. It lasted about 14 months. She was 4 as well!!🤣🤣

PodgePie · 16/07/2023 15:40

I did exactly this - hated my name and used a fake name (a beloved book character of mine) on school books. I don’t exactly love my name now (it’s very upper class & people judge me for it) but I’m used to it and it’s part of me. He’ll get over this but indulge him for now & it’ll help him with the process.

AutumnCrow · 16/07/2023 15:44

My 5 year old granddaughter is currently a top chef called Esmeralda Dog who makes the best breakfasts out of assorted plastic food.

Toothiepegg · 16/07/2023 15:45

You have reminded me that when my son was very young, he insisted we call him Gordon from Thomas the tank. We didn't!

CarolynKnappShappy · 16/07/2023 15:48

My daughter didn’t like her name at that age and wanted to be Charlotte from Charlottes Web - or Emily. 12 years on she loves her name, it’s strong independent and unique without being out there. Had she been the same or teased or I would have changed it.

My son had a name I thought was a bit ‘out there’ and thought he might want his middle name or a short version but no - at 10 he’s is adamant his name is his identify.

without knowing the name it is difficult to say. Thing change eg media wise. Same name as a friend probably not the best idea - try to find a compromise - middle name?

viques · 16/07/2023 15:52

You need to do an internet search and find people with the same name who are cool, exciting, hard working , brilliant sports stars, all round fabulous people etc etc, then tell him that they are why you chose his name because they are special people , just like him.

Don’t change his name, make him proud of the one he has got.

georgarina · 16/07/2023 15:55

Just call him by that name until the phase passes
V common phase

Swipe left for the next trending thread