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Original poster

Dp wanting anal more often…

427 replies

Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 22:56

Hi all, I’m not sure the rules on MN about certain words language (anal etc) so let’s hope this isn’t taken down!

looking for some opinions. My dp of 8 years, has resorted to anal the past 3 times we have had sex. I was the type of person that said I’d never do anal, until last year when we were a bit freaky and he wanted to do it so I tried it out. He had done it with other women before me but as I said I’d never do it we hadn’t gone down that route. When we tried it out for the first time I was quite open to it as I’ve been with him for so long, feel comfortable and open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

we only did it a few times here and there over the past year but last week during sex he started ‘playing around’ down there and went for it again. I wasn’t bothered and just took it as another one-off. Then this week it happened again and tonight it has happened again. So the last 3 times we have had sex, we have started normally and it has ended up in the other ‘place’.

He kept saying how amazing his orgasm was from it etc due to it being ‘tight’. Tonight when he was finishing he mumbled that it’s so much better (meaning better than the vagina I assume). I instantly felt a bit annoyed with that comment but thought he had just said it in the moment. However after he had finished and stood up he repeatedly was telling me how amazing it was and ‘so much better’ ‘way better’.

He hasn’t realised this has caused me any offense, he’s just happy at the moment. But I feel quite upset about this. I feel like my vagina is not ‘good enough’ after he’s now CHOSEN to switch to anal for 3 times in a row! The comments about it being so much better is making me feel like im not tight down there so he’s preferring anal. Ofcourse it’s natural the bum hole would be much tighter I know this but if he’s deliberately choosing now to go down that route i feel I must be quite loose.

also, I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I’m happy to do it once in a while, ‘spice it up’ etc but I don’t want it to become normal.

what do you all think?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Papernotplastic · 15/07/2023 22:58

I think you should buy a strap-on so he can get the full experience.

crispypancakeswithcheese · 15/07/2023 23:00

Get out a big dildo, ignore him and proceed to pleasure yourself letting it be known how amazing it is and how's it's so much better.

Also do the above 👆

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:00

"However, women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. “Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said.
“Women are at a higher risk of incontinence than men because of their different anatomy and the effects of hormones, pregnancy and childbirth on the pelvic floor.
“Women have less robust anal sphincters and lower anal canal pressures than men, and damage caused by anal penetration is therefore more consequential."

That's what I think

CountFoscoHasMiceInHisPocket · 15/07/2023 23:00

I think you need to tell him exactly what you've written here.

SweetAsIcedChocolate · 15/07/2023 23:01

open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

Why? He doesn’t seem overly fussed about your happiness.

Jongleterre · 15/07/2023 23:01

Peg him.

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:02

He's very lucky you're willing to try it occasionally.

Hes currently taking the fkg piss.

He's extremely selfish.

Hrs also clueless and tactless (and again selfish).aking comments like that.

Are you getting an orgasm as part of this sex??

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:02

SweetAsIcedChocolate · 15/07/2023 23:01

open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

Why? He doesn’t seem overly fussed about your happiness.

This.

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:04

crispypancakeswithcheese · 15/07/2023 23:00

Get out a big dildo, ignore him and proceed to pleasure yourself letting it be known how amazing it is and how's it's so much better.

Also do the above 👆

Perfect response
.

See how he likes being made to feel his - correct - genitals for sex are inadequate/inferior.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2023 23:04

SweetAsIcedChocolate · 15/07/2023 23:01

open to more sexual experiences if it makes him happy.

Why? He doesn’t seem overly fussed about your happiness.

You haven't actually said if you enjoy it.

If you don't actively enjoy it, don't do it.

Newjobformoremoney · 15/07/2023 23:04

You need to have an open chat to him about what you’re feeling.
If you can’t be honest with him then that’s an issue

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:05

And have you perchance bore and given birth to his children through that inferior orifice?

Paperbagsaremine · 15/07/2023 23:05

I could just be old and cynical, but might he have been wanking so much that he's lost sensitivity in his penis?

Anyway - let's face it, he's a bloke, he'll pretty much have an orgasm and no discomfort whatever you do. So what suits YOU best, OP?

Original poster
Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 23:06

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:02

He's very lucky you're willing to try it occasionally.

Hes currently taking the fkg piss.

He's extremely selfish.

Hrs also clueless and tactless (and again selfish).aking comments like that.

Are you getting an orgasm as part of this sex??

If I’m honest he actually does make an effort to give me my orgasm. Tonight for example, he spent a while beforehand on foreplay purely trying to see what I enjoy/asking me what I liked etc.

he always has to stop himself from finishing too soon when we start sex, and sometimes after stopping himself then he can go slot longer but I can’t handle long sessions so I tend to dry up…

this is what happened tonight which is why I think he wanted to go to anal again?

OP posts:
NeverThatSerious · 15/07/2023 23:06

You sound oddly passive about this OP. Nothing about whether you agreed to do it or whether you actually even really enjoy it.

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:06

Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 23:06

If I’m honest he actually does make an effort to give me my orgasm. Tonight for example, he spent a while beforehand on foreplay purely trying to see what I enjoy/asking me what I liked etc.

he always has to stop himself from finishing too soon when we start sex, and sometimes after stopping himself then he can go slot longer but I can’t handle long sessions so I tend to dry up…

this is what happened tonight which is why I think he wanted to go to anal again?

Show quote history

Lubricant?

Gribbit987 · 15/07/2023 23:08

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:00

"However, women who engage in anal sex are at greater risk from it than men. “Increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse,” the report said.
“Women are at a higher risk of incontinence than men because of their different anatomy and the effects of hormones, pregnancy and childbirth on the pelvic floor.
“Women have less robust anal sphincters and lower anal canal pressures than men, and damage caused by anal penetration is therefore more consequential."

That's what I think

Quoted from this:

https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

Worth a read. I certainly wouldn’t be doing anal regularly!

Rise in popularity of anal sex has led to health problems for women | Sexual health | The Guardian

Incontinence, bleeding and STIs among the consequences, say two surgeons, who want doctors to have open chats with patients on the topic

https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:10

Your anus/rectum is not an automatic , handy go to/backup hole for penetrative sex ....it's not evolved for it. See the issues above.

And surely you'd have to use lots of lubricant for anal sex, so why not busy use lubricant for vaginal sex. Somewhere that has actually evolved for sex, and thF had actually got some female orgasm nerve endings in it and near it.

Original poster
Forums4321 · 15/07/2023 23:10

NeverThatSerious · 15/07/2023 23:06

You sound oddly passive about this OP. Nothing about whether you agreed to do it or whether you actually even really enjoy it.

I’m not opposed to it. I used to be but after doing it the first time, I’m quite ‘open’ to trying new things with HIM. Only because he’s my life long partner and I feel comfortable/secure with him, so im open to more sexual experiences with him - depending/nothing too crazy!

I don’t actually find it enjoyable physically, it’s rather painful but he’s slowed down a lot and lets me take control so I can handle it better. If he only uses a finger (at the start) I do enjoy that though.

i don’t want to think too deep into his comments, he was just enjoying himself but clearly he does prefer the orgasm from the anal compared to vagina so I feel a little weird about that now…

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/07/2023 23:10

crispypancakeswithcheese · 15/07/2023 23:00

Get out a big dildo, ignore him and proceed to pleasure yourself letting it be known how amazing it is and how's it's so much better.

Also do the above 👆

Yup

Seryse · 15/07/2023 23:10

Jongleterre · 15/07/2023 23:01

Peg him.

^ This. Peg him. Tit for tat.

sunshinesupermum · 15/07/2023 23:10

Of course the anus is tighter but perhaps if he likes it so much you should bin him and suggest he has sex with a man instead.

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:12

it’s rather painful but he’s slowed down a lot and lets me take control so I can handle it better.

That's really sad to read, you should t be doing anything that causes you pain or that you have to handle .... For his pleasure. And he shouldn't be doing it to you when it causes you pain and you gave to handle/tolerate it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2023 23:12

I don’t actually find it enjoyable physically, it’s rather painful but he’s slowed down a lot and lets me take control so I can handle it better. If he only uses a finger (at the start) I do enjoy that though.

So it hurts but you can make it bearable. Maybe tell him that and if he still wants to do it, he's probably an arsehole himself.

TheoTheopolis23 · 15/07/2023 23:13

If he only uses a finger (at the start) I do enjoy that though.

Well that's not anal sex, that's just some anal stimulation. Rather different.